Changing my antidepressants

[Shazie]

I’m having such a hard time at the moment, my meds have been changed and I feel totally hopeless, I can’t stop crying, today has been the worst day since starting the new meds. Please tell me it will get better, I don’t feel like I’m coping at all. My husband doesn’t understand, he is waiting for me to cook tea but I just don’t have the motivation to do it, he is acting like it’s my fault I’m like this. I don’t know what to do, I feel so useless, I can’t think straight, all I want to do is curl up into a ball until everything and everyone goes away. Please someone give me some advice before I go insane

[Sophie_M]

Wishing you a warm and kind welcome to the forums, Shazie. It's not easy to reach out when you're feeling so low and upset, so thank you for showing such courage in posting to our community here tonight. It sounds like you're going through a really difficult time at the moment with your new medication, and we're so sorry to hear that you're feeling hopeless and unmotivated. We hope that you can find some comfort here in knowing you're not alone in this, and please know that our caring community are here to offer as much support, advice and conversation as you need through this.

We'd also really encourage you to reach out to our Beyond Blue Support Service, which is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or also through Webchat (1pm-12am AEST) if you'd feel more comfortable reaching out online: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these thoughts and feelings with you and can offer support and advice to help you through this. Our friends at Lifeline are also here for you anytime, night or day, on 13 11 14 (and through online chat 7pm-12am) whenever things are feeling overwhelming to cope with- support is always here for you.

Please know that you deserve support through this, and we hope you keep us updated on how you're going whenever you feel ready to.
 

[smallwolf]

Hi. It can be really bad having to change medications. I had to do it to find the medication that worked for me. Dad also did when he found his former medication was no longer working. That period of transition can be quite hard. I don't know how long you have been on the new medication but maybe it would be helpful to have a chat with your GP? Or whoever prescribed it. I am also wondering if your husband understands your actions as a result of the medication? Also thinking whether it might be helpful if he is able to help you out with things at home?

For the record... It is not your fault. You are struggling with the changes to medication.

Can I ask if there are things you look forward to each day?

Listening and peace to you.

Tim

[Shazie]

Hi Tim

at the moment all I look forward to is going to bed at night, then once I’m asleep I’m oblivious to anything going on around me. I have spent two days just crying and telling myself I’m going crazy. My husband has now been doing as much as he can but even he says he doesn’t know what to do to help me. I have an appointment tomorrow with my gp so hoping he can offer some sort of help because I just know I can’t keep going on like this. Sunday I wanted to be in hospital so I’m away from everyone, I know it’s hard on my loved ones to see me like this but I also know there isn’t really anywhere I can stay because hospitals probably wouldn’t take me because I’m not suicidal or psychotic. I just hope I can get through this without hurting anyone emotionally in the meantime

[Sophie_M]

Hi Shazie,
 
It really sounds like you are doing the best that you can in this moment to cope and are showing excellent self-awareness and resilience at this time. We would encourage you to be open with your GP and express your concerns with them about how you feel and how the medication is affecting you. Often in these moments, as the medication is affecting you differently than before, things can seem strange, but having an awareness of this strangeness can be a good sign that you are processing the situation. If we can echo what Tim has said in that it can be important to remind yourself, that you are doing the best you can.

[smallwolf]

I hope your appointment goes well today!

(It sounds as though your husband is trying to help out a bit. This will sound a little contradictory for me to say, but letting your husband know you are doing your best and if he can just listen to you while you try to resolve this situation.

The medication that I am currently on works as good as it can. Is it perfect? No. But it is better than the other medications I was on and changing to something else would likely be worse.... Or so I think. When I talk to my psychiatrist about things and medication, I feel that honesty is best so that together (psych and I) we can find a medication that works best for me.

Hope this helps.)

PS. Not sure if you use apps... but try out the word search function in virtual hope box. It was recommended to me by my psychologist. It took a couple of goes for it to work and was an effective method for me to stop the negative thoughts... at least for a while. Just a thought

[therising]

Hi Shazie

I feel for you so very much. The search for the right anti depressant can be a mind altering and sometimes deeply depressing search. My heart goes out to you.

In looking back at my years in depression, which are behind me, I look back in astonishment when it comes to how poorly some mental and general health professionals managed my search for the right anti depressant. There was never any strategic plan or insightful guidance when it came to all the different meds I tried. It was more 'Okay, let's see if this one works'. If I had my time again, I'd been tempted to say 'Dude, you're prescribing chemistry in the form of a tablet which is about to begin interacting with my own complex chemistry (in my body/brain) and that's all you've got for me 'Let's see if this one works'. Where's the education when it comes to the possible chemical reactions?'. The education may involve working out exactly how long the trial period needs to be before things take a positive turn, working out whether the med is simply intolerable and a better one needs to be found asap, working out how to manage the down side of the initial chemical reaction (including the people around you supporting and guiding you through) and so on.

Sounds like you're currently trying to tolerate the intolerable chemical reaction in your brain/body. You're actually more amazing than you realise. While this is playing out, you're making every possible effort under the circumstances to manage to the best of your ability. Don't undersell yourself.

When it comes to adding chemistry to chemistry, I hope the following may help your husband relate a little better:

Imagine adding the chemistry that's in alcohol to the chemistry in the body/brain. You can gradually feel the chemical shifts that take place - as chemical reactions initially produce 'relaxation' and you drink a little more, you then experience 'tipsy'. Drink more and the reaction produces 'drunk' and the behaviour that goes with it. Drink more and the chemistry is seriously altering. It's so intense to the point where it impacts your speech, your vision, your mental processing abilities etc. Then you can say to your husband 'Imagine going through all these chemical reactions and me saying to you 'You gotta stop being drunk''. It's impossible while the reactions are still taking place.

If what you're experiencing is 100% intolerable, you need to mention this to your doctor. You deserve better than 'intolerable'. You deserve guidance.

🙂

[Shazie]

Thanks so much for your wise words, I had my appointment today with my gp and he seen how much I’m struggling, I told him if I don’t feel any better soon I want to be placed in hospital until I get through this, my poor husband is so down at the moment and I know it’s because of how down I’ve been. My Dr put me on extra meds to try and help me get through but is now watching me more closely. I have another appointment on Friday, so I’m grateful he is stepping forward in trying to help and support me. I hope I will feel a bit better by then, I’m so over my emotions being all over the place, the uncontrollable crying is a big thing I’m having trouble with. Thanks to everyone here on trying to give me advice and guiding me, I really appreciate it

[therising]

HI Shazie

I'm glad your doctor is helping you work through this. This must be a little more reassuring for your husband, although not an entire relief of course. Such is the nature of depression, to test not just the person who finds themself in it but also their partner. It's such an incredibly cruel thing, in so many ways.

Not only do I wish for you a path which becomes much smoother, I also wish to say what I would actually tell my younger self, during my years in depression - you are doing your best under the circumstances, circumstances which have so sadly taken the lives of many over time. It is not a simple battle, far from it. It is a battle for survival, an exhausting battle to find yourself. While victory is so incredibly sweet, the lead up can feel like hell on earth.

I understand this may be incredibly difficult right now but if you can imagine (meditate on) offering a gesture of hope to your husband, what would this look like? Perhaps the image that comes to mind involves something he loves: A book he's been talking about buying or something to add to some collection he may have. In giving such a thing to him and in letting him know that it comes from you, the you that you're both working so hard to free from depression, remind him not to lose sight of the real you during the battle. You are still there. This may be a way a raising him a little, giving him hope.

🙂