Can you ‘miss’ being depressed?

[Chicken_Wings]

It’s been a while since I’ve had an episode of depression. This latest one has been a doozy.

Ive been seeing my psychologist about my depression and anxiety all year so far and I mentioned something to her today which I wondered “does anyone else feel this way?”.

What I have noticed is that after I have been depressed for some time, crying constantly, being really on edge and touchy, there comes a point where I don’t feel anything. It might just be for a day.

When I feel this way I almost miss being depressed, because the feeling of crying is cathartic. It’s comforting and I know it. It’s a release for what goes on in my head.

But not feeling, not crying feels strange and in that moment I miss being depressed.

This seems to happen every time I have an episode st some point or another.

Does this happen to anyone else?

[IsaJett]

Hey Determined

thanks for explaining ...yeah I had that happened a while ago too...I was driving along and didn't realise where I was suppose to be going ...like just complete blankness. I remember also at times I was chatting to people that I had no interest in ..and completely tuning out....like I wasn't even there. And I had to like pay attention so I don't appear rude. Shhh...but hopefully they didn't realise ...hahaha

Often when I drive ...I have my music up loud ...mostly to drown out the thoughts in my head...and I just sing out loud which can be embarrassing and liberating at the same time. Well it helps me stay in the moment.

Depression is hard to swallow for me. I kind of like to think i am making progress every day....maybe your name "determined" says the same thing... like we r Determined not to let depression get the better of us.

I have learned only lately to be my own best friend ...to be my own cheerleader...to love myself above all others.

Cos previously I was my own worst enemy .Talking myself down...calling myself dumb ...etc

I pat myself on the back for a job well done too ...hahaha

This self preservation and self love and self compassion is really really awesome.I now give myself permission to be happy and shine and tackle all things that come my way with finesse. Accept and let the things I cannot control ...be as they are.

I hope that empty feeling you experienced becomes filled with compassion for yourself ...and show and feel the love that you deserve from within and that you allow yourself to feel good again. Everytime you feel the emptiness...and the void ...just perhaps have a little chant ready.

I used to use the phrase "I am Peace and Peace I am" and it worked extremely well.

I hope this post is helpful to you ..and keep in touch .. I am here on a daily basis if you need to chat 🙂

Stay well

[Determined1]

Oh I know too well the feeling of zoning out from a convo! Haha In High School a teacher actually said to me “gee you’re really good at pretending to pay attention, you’re a good actress”. I guess it all comes down to the mind and not being fully present. With a million other thoughts on our mind no wonder it’s hard to focus. I read about it being a side effect of anxiety!

that’s a good idea to have the music nice and loud.. I don’t mind a bit of car karaoke on my morning drive. I’m sure you are progressing daily, it could be something so tiny but over time you’ll notice it. Even when someone points it out. For me it was quite recent when a friend said “wow you have changed”. This was after I had told her I won’t cut and run from another friend of mine, but I’ll let what she said go (which really wasn’t even that bad). I have a tendency to run from people when things get heated, I never really knew how to work through problems.

We usually are our own worst enemies and don’t give ourselves enough credit. We’re here aren’t we? We are surviving. Making new pals on a very supportive website. We just keep going, and yes I’m extremely determined to feel on top of the world one day. I love the idea of a chant which I’ll keep in mind the next time I’m not giving myself love.

Thank you for your support Isabel, have a great weekend 👍

[Chicken_Wings]

Thanks for your replies. 

Yesterday I wanted to feel so I watched some emotional videos on YouTube and cried. Just so I knew I could still feel.

I definitely feel a sense of relief after Ive genuinely felt the rush of emotion. 

I’ve been through the derealisation/depersonalisation before. I find it really distressing. That part of it seems to have subsided thank goodness. 

I’m hopeful that this is just a stage in recovery?