Can't take this anymore

[Laurennn]

Hi all,

I posted in here a little while ago about anxiety. A few months ago I went through an extremely stressful process at my work due to me putting in a complaint against an older man at my work. They turned the process around and I nearly lost my job. They ended up changing their minds when I threatened legal advice & I kept my job. During that process I developed anxiety - even though I was convinced it was going crazy! (I've never had it before) and now I believe I've got some depression symptoms.

Even though I kept my job, the feeling just hasn't gone away! I can't bring myself to go back to work after what they did to me so I'm currently in the process of going on income protection. I know I should consider myself lucky that I have a job, but it all just seems too much at the moment.

 The last month I have hardly left the house.  My family is worried & wants me to go & stay with them but I just want to be alone. I wake up every morning & it's just too much to get out of bed. My housemates tells me to 'stop feeling sorry for myself' which makes me feel even worse.

Before all of this, I lived a normal life for a 23 year old. I had a good job, friends & a life! Within 2 months, my life has turned & now here I am. A lazy depressed mess. I love life & I don't want to be like this but I've let it take over!

I'm seeing the doctor again & my first psychologist appointment on Tuesday - I hope it helps! 

Does anyone have any advice to get my life back on track? I WILL drive myself crazy if I stay in this room for another month.

[Pixie15]

Hi Laurennn,

I do know if you realize but I think you have answered your own question.

It is not good to just stay in your room. If your family is supportive I suggest you seriously consider going and staying with them while you are sorting this out.

If you cannot do that at least try and get out to do something you would usually like to do. It might be really difficult to make the first move and it might not seem enjoyable at first. 

Have you some friends you could call to help you do that?

Grateful.

[Laurennn]

I have all the answers - just not the strength to do them! What an ugly cycle.

My mum is going to come down & pick me up - she said I just need a push to get back on my feet again. Thank god for families in these situations! 

I haven't seen any of my friends since it all started, I am embarrassed to tell them what I've been through - although I know they will understand. 

Thank you, once again Grateful for the support.

[Pixie15]

Hi Laurennn,

I have not been able to be online much lately because I have my partner in hospital after an accident and I had a university exam yesterday. 

I am wondering how you are going. Have you moved back to live with your family? Be kind to yourself. If your mother has said you just need to push yourself she may not be very understanding of what it is like to suffer anxiety and depression. Try to get her to read some of the material on the site here.

There is no need to be embarrassed to tell anyone your circumstances however you do not need to tell everyone. Try choosing one or two friends that you believe you can trust and speak to them first. Maybe ask them to have a coffee with you or go for a walk something simple. 

You also might want to consider if your job is worth the stress that it has given you. I know there are all sorts of workplace interventions these days but when I was your age I would have just walked away from it found a more friendly environment to work in.

Grateful.

[Laurennn]

Hi Grateful,

I'm sorry to hear about your partner - I hope he is OK & your exam went well.

I did go & stay at my sisters for a while but now I am back home.

I had my first pyschologist appointment today who told me I potentially have a form of PTSD due to the bullying process & I went through at work - and believes I should strongly consider seeking legal advice. However, she also explained how the brain works & why I'm feeling the way I am.

I'm still struggling with the symptoms - some days are better than others, but the last few days haven't been good ones. 

I'm constantly anxious 24/7 & had a panic attack before going 2 the pyschologist this morning. Now I'm juat exhausted and want 2 sleep the rest of the afternoon away.

I can't even relax watching my favourite shows whilst lying in bed. It's all day, every day! And it's extremely overwhelming! 

[Pixie15]

Hi Laurennn,

My partner should make a full recovery and I think I went alright with the exam. Never can be certain till the results come back. I will just try not to think about it till then. How did you go this afternoon did you manage to get some rest?

I think it helps to understand how the brain works. It would probably help too if someone at your work actually supported you against the bullying. I do not know a lot about PTSD but I have seen posts from others on the site who have experience with it. 

Have you thought about getting legal advice? I hear advertising on my local radio all the time that only get paid if they actually get some compensation for you.

Did your psychologist offer any suggestions for dealing with the anxiety and panic? 

Grateful.

[Laurennn]

Hi Grateful,

Good news that your partner is OK, and I'm sure you will get great exam results!

I am going to seek legal advice down the track, I have just applied for my income protection so I will be off work for the next 3 months at least to get things under the control. The psychologist seems to think I need to consider whether going back at all would be healthy for me - so I need to consider that down the track too. She has put it all down to being work related, and given the process went on for so long - she said it's 6 months of stress that piled up, and all came down in a heap mid December.

She didn't really get too much into the anxiety and panic in the first session, she just said to continue to rest as much as possible, and try my hardest to do a few things a day I enjoy. Even if these have to be inside at this stage. I've managed to drive myself down to my sisters and my parents a few times, as I feel comfortable there but no-where else at this stage.

I have another psychologist appointment in 2 weeks (unfortunately couldn't get in any sooner), so I'm looking forward to understanding how to handle what I'm going through - every day recently seems like a struggle.

I do sleep way too much, I sleep about 10 hours a night, and then 2 - 3 hours during the day - which I probably shouldn't complain about, as I think most people have trouble going to sleep!

I also think I've learnt that I'm not just going to wake up tomorrow and the symptoms are gone, and understanding this has helped a little too. The psychologist seems to think 2 - 6 months will be needed to get back to where I was.

The doctor is still pushing for medication - I am going back on Monday to discuss this further, as I'm still concerned that if this is only temporary, will I be able to get off the medication? And If I can do this just with therapy, I would much prefer.

I really do appreciate you checking in on me - you have been a great support throughout this time for me!

Lauren. 

[Pixie15]

Hi Laurennn,

Your more confident than I am on the exam results but I have not really had any time to worry about them. My partner is home from hospital and needs a fair amount of support. 

I could do with some of that sleep you have been having. Do you really think you sleep too much? If I sleep too much I tend to feel lethargic and dull and I can not sleep during the day. When I do sleep though there could be a party in the room around me and I would not notice it. I know athletes like marathon runners need more sleep to recuperate.

When I did therapy last year one of the things I was required to do was plan something I could do for myself and make it a regular thing once a week at about the same time. I chose to go swimming. It was really quite difficult at first and I had to push myself out the door. But I am very glad that I did.

It is good I think to talk to your doctor about the anti-depressants. From what I know they are not addictive. You can stop them it is just a matter of reducing your dose to wean yourself off them. I am doing the same thing with a steroid medication for my rheumatism.

You might want to check out some of the threads on the site here under treatments I am sure I have seen this being discussed. 

I hope  you find something enjoyable to do this weekend. I am going to the hairdresser I think.

Grateful.

[bringeroflight]

Hi Lauren, I just recently had / have a bullying issue with a new job and the excuse for a supervisor there myself.

It has left me trapped and very very angry as I have just recently "more or less" gotten over one of my lifes most notable down moments that I get every few years only to come across a very similar work situation to yours.

I put up with this blokes extreme old school attitude "he's like a sergeant major from 1915" for a few weeks and I was yes sir no sir etc etc-I had to be being on probation etc!

Anyway I started to note date, time stamp and record all events as a record of his bullying in preparation to approach fair work aus, I even have audio recordings of poor behaviour!

Suffice to say that attitudes like his don't do people like us any favours, in time and when I have found another job he will be the sorry one!

As far as medications go in my experience "and I would add this doesn't apply to everyone" twenty plus years later they are still in their infancy and prescribed by practitioners who read and study about them but never take them so how do they know how far reaching the side effects are, certainly not from personal experience!

To me the so called cure is worse than the problem in terms of side effects -"mods may object to these statements but I have had chronic depression/bipolar for 40+ years and know full well how ordinary some of these ssri's etc are",

I would try other methods first if possible Lauren-I once tried Dr Veras predop "known by a different name now" and magnesium which was a naturopathic approach and it was a magic combination with ZERO side effects!

Anyway you're not alone and I wish you all the best.

Kind Regards

Bringer of light

[Pixie15]

Hi Laurennn,

Thought I would ask how you are going and let you know you were right I did get great exam results.

Grateful.