Can't keep my head above water anymore

[Missing_the_sunshine]

I just feel so tired of trying to keep everything together. I have suffered from Major Depression, Complex PTSD and OCD. I'm doing everything that everyone wants me to do but it isn't changing anything. I get home every night and am so exhausting from wearing a mask every minute of the day. I get home and I just fall apart. I just can't help but feel like I have been fighting for so long that I have just reached the end...I feel so scared and alone!

 i don't have anyone to turn to that isn't a medical professional. I'm so lost! Im not sure that I can keep up the charade for much longer!

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[white knight]

Hi MtS,  welcome

Then the answer is- dont keep up the charade. Thats the easy bit.

I'm 59yo and the last 2-3 years has been the coming out of the real Tony, the one that says and does what he wants to do....providing of course that I keep being kind, considerate and all the other good things. eg not being nasty but being myself.

Study yourself more. eg Do you react quickly to others to satisfy them? so they dont wait for an answer very long? Do you answer people with the answer they want rather than what you want to say? Well the stress will drift away once you do a few things to tip the balance.

Take a short breath before you answer others. Think time, is ok. people do it. but some of us that have anxiety of issues you listed respond quickly and foot in mouth is often the result.

My real leap forward however came in 2000 when I returned to a profession that meant I was on my own, running a one man business. No hassles, no issues, no confrontations etc.  Try to think about your abilities and goals and work towards those goals that will find you in a more peaceful employment. It might take much time but you will progress ok if you set your mind to it.

Sometimes we have to chase the more suitable working environment rather than just work at a job but it requires planning and patience.

Finally, chase some dancing or exercises. Physical exertion will help. Soon as you get home go against your natural desire to flop with exhaustion and put on your runners and go for a quick 20 minute walk.

Try it.

Tony WK

[Chris_B]

Hi Missing The Sunshine,

Welcome to the forums. We have quite an active group of members at the moment with experience of PTSD, so please stick around and reach out to them for some support. 

Below are some current active threads you might like to contribute to or read:

PTSD, Anxiety, Disassociation, I'm not sure I want to do this anymore

PTSD from violence, abuse, grief and traumatic events

PTSD and now secondary depression

PTSD from an anaesthesia awareness trauma

Newbie PTSD

Bullying and my PTSD

PTSD, anxiety and no support

I have PTSD, I can't cope anymore

[Zan]

Gi'day,Missing_the_sunshine

"I just feel so tired of trying to keep everything together." You know what, it really wont fall apart if you let it go. We all kid ourselves when we tell ourselves that the only one who keeps it all together is "me". What would happen if you let it go? Would the world end? No. Would the Australian economy nose dive? No. Would the birds stop singing? No. Would the work at work stop being done? No (someone else would have to do it, that's all). Would Australia's safety net of either a Sickness Allowance or a Disability Support Pension not be there if you really needed it? No.

"i don't have anyone to turn to that isn't a medical professional." But you do. You have the closest and most caring person in the entire world to turn to. Guess who that is? It's YOU. You are your best friend and your dearest and closest companion. And that friend and companion will always make sure you're okay ... if you let that friend and companion do that for you. We are all "multiple personalities". We carry within us our "child" self, our "adolescent self" and our "adult self" .... and sometimes, depending on the situation, we slot into being one or the other or a combination of each. Currently your "adult self" is probably the one that's doing all the worrying, as children and adolescents usually rely upon their parents to do that part for them. So if you can, try tuning into either one of your younger selves ... only if that is a "warm" "relaxing" "comfortable" place for you to go. If not, imagine you best day and try to fold it like a warm blanket around you. And even if you get a few minutes of breathing space from doing one or both of these things, it will help.

So many of us have found ways to cope .... and there are many. So don't worry too much, okay. There are a lot of good caring people here on this site. Communicate to as many of them as you can ..... and unburden yourself. We're all here to help --- okay?