Can someone please help me???

[fuschia]

Why is it if I CAN get myself out of bed in the morning and go to work (without calling in sick, that I can manage to JUST get through the day at work (and do a very good job), then the last hour of work get super anxious and do the drive home wanting to stop into a bottle shop and drink on the way home (which I would never do) and get home and be so anxious.

I'm on medicatiom, I've done the therapy, I no longer have the nasty partner, I now have a nice job, but I just keep wanting to drink but it no longer settles the nerves. When I do it takes me 3 days to get over it including the process of suicide

I just want to go somewhere where I can be cared for and helped but I can't go during the week because I can't leave my boss but I could go on the weekends. Does anyone know where there is someplace I can go on the weekends and get some help. The thing is I go through stages and feel like I'm crazy then I feel an overwhelming feeling like I need to be normal and feel guilty for letting people down. All the mean while I'm not sure I can keep on living like this. I'm not sure I can trust myself anymore. I need some help and advise please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

[geoff]

dear Fuschia, alcohol and depression is a combination that many people use to help them get through the day, and I was definitely one of those who did exactly the same as you have.

To answer your question which state do you live in, as this would help to try and find somewhere for you, I can't promise, but I will try. Geoff.

[fuschia]

Thanks Geoff, I'm in QLD. I ended up in emergency at the local hospital close to midnight Tuesday night as I didn't trust myself and was scared I was going to do something silly, and was fortunate there was a pysciatrist intern there who was close to leaving but stayed with me til 4:30 in the morning. Turns out I also have OCD and am on the wrong meds, so detox time from one med til the other. Apparently will take 12 weeks and is going to be very tough as the one I have been taking has the wost side effects of withdrawl and you guess it...more anxiety!!!. Back to work tomorrow and cross fingers I hold it together til the weekend where I can go back to hiding inside whilst I'm feeling like this.

Hope your doing ok.

[Light9]

Hi Fuschia

I just wanted to say how brave you sound...and for that you should give yourself a huge hug and pat on the back.  You are coping with a lot and soldiering on at the same time.  That's no small thing.  I too suffer from these things.  I found reaching out (on BB) was more helpful than anything, Geoff, in particular, is very comforting I found.Just know that when you're having those challenging feelings, you are not alone and people like me are sending prayers of strength so that you can move into a much happier stage of life.

All the best

L

[geoff]

dear Fuschia, I'm sorry to know that you have OCD as there have been many different posts from people suffering from this illness, and this includes myself, as I've had it for 54 years, so by having alcohol dependence combined with OCD isn't a good combination.

12 weeks seems a long time to clear the previous medication, but I'm no doctor, but I do hope that they can give you something else that will lessen the withdrawals, which can be done, but I also realise that this may increase your alcohol intake.

I'm having some trouble trying to find places that take people for the week end, as most are on a weekly basis, but what you can do is to ring a 'Drugs of Dependence Unit' which is government health phone number on +61733289890( the post won't go through because the phone number has come up blue, damn it, but it will be in the phone book, or ring the 'web chat' on 1300224636 between 3pm to 12pm ) or The Salvation Army for 'Rehabilitation Retreat' 0754943723, I hope that the Moderators allow this.

Let us know how today is going, it won't be easy for you, and I will continue to look for you, however it's hard to find a place that will cater for you on the week end only.

Please if you feel as though you need help because of any awful thoughts ring the hospital or even the police who will be quicker. L Geoff. x

[fuschia]

Thanks Light 9 and Geoff. I have had the acute care team from the mental health unit call me everyday/night to check on me and make sure I'm eating, drinking water, taking meds etc. They all had a conference meeting on Friday about my case and have stipulated I definitely should not stop taking my meds as its too dangerous atm and to keep taking my "relaxants" they prescribed me until next Thursday when I go in and have an appointment with the head pysciatrist. Maybe I don't have OCD, maybe I have something else??? I did drink last night til I got drunk but I made sure I cooked myself some dinner (havn't been eating much) then took my "relaxant" and got some sleep. In the past I have considered or tried suicide in the last 2 months so I guess they are helping me.

I even called my brother and dad and told them what was going on- hense I was a mess. But at least I am finally starting to get a support network up after ALL these years of doing it myself and smiling and pretending.

I'm hoping to go onto meds to stop the cravings for alcohol and hopefully find another way to help with the anxiety. But I can't stop drinking atm without it. I guess not drinking as much is the key and I do limit my binges to twice a week.

To be honest after 10 years of binging I actually think that alcohol calms me for the first 30-60 minutes then after that I become manic. It's the first bit that I guess I keep going back for but the relief just isn't there anymore. Time for a chance obviously.

So, here goes getting through to Thursday and trying not to have another bonge and making my appointment and going through the process of being evaluated and assessed again and hopefully get a good plan going that works. It's been 20years this year since I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression at the age of 18 so I think its about time I get it sorted so crossing my fingers and toes.

Hoping your all doing ok out there. xo

Beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

[geoff]

dear Fuschia, I am pleased that the acute team have rung you, and I know that they do have meetings over the patients that concern them.

Can I just say to you that the medication to stop the urge for drinking will only work if you yourself want to stop drinking it, because it's only putting a bandaid over the problem, and I know the feeling too well.

I can't say to you to stop drinking or smoking the bong, because it may mean nothing for you, and it would be critical in me doing so, because the more people tell you to stop the more you want to do it. L Geoff. x

[Jo3]

Hi Fuschia

I have just read your post about the other night in the hospital.  I am sorry I haven't replied earlier.

I understand the pain, the anxiety and the fear of going into hospital ER.  But it sounded like you were cared for by a great psych. Glad to read they aren't changing your meds just yet.

Fuschia I am glad that the acute team are phoning you to make sure you are eating, drinking water and taking your meds - they are all important to help you with recovery.

Pls look after yourself, I am thinking of you and know that you can get through this.

Take care

Jo

[fuschia]

Geoff I'd like to stop drinking and never let it ruin another moment of my life, but then in the same breath I'd like to be able to be a social drinker.....it can work for me sometimes.

Thankfully I don't smoke pot as the liquid poison is enough of a battle for me atm.

I am on day 2 of 50% reduction in my current medication which I am to stay on until hospital app on Thursday. Maybe its the "relaxants" I was prescribed and are taking but so far I feel like I'm hanging in there.

Jo I posted on your page just now as well and I honestly feel my daily visits to this page, listening to others, and offering any type of support I can give to anyone else truly makes me feel a little worthy.

Sleep well all xo

[geoff]

dear Fuschia, the way I have changed to become a social drinker, and I know that this may not suit you, but I talked myself into believing that I can have a drink later on, so if you start at whatever time, let's just say 10.00am for example, then I would convince myself to leave it an hour or so, but in the back of my mind 'knowing that I could drink' in an hour's time, and so after awhile this time would extend.

It's the thought of not being able to drink that is the problem, but now you know you can still have one, but later on. L Geoff. x