Bipolar, borderline personality and PTSD

[Billy66]

Hi all

I am new to the forums and have been reading them for a while but have been to too nervous to respond. I have 3 young adult children and a grandson who I adore. I work as a nurse in what can be a very stressfull environment. I haven't been at work for the last 2 months as I have been in hospital with a depressive phase of my bipolar. I got out of hospital yesterday and have today found out from my case manager that I have been diagnosed with borderline personality as well. 

I'm it hard to work out how I can be diagnosed with this while I am depressed. I have a great GP who is so supportive and a case manager in the community.  I have been assigned to a new psychiatrist who I'm not keen on but am willing to give him a try. 

Even with this support I feel like I am struggling all the time. I have no friends and have disowned my family. Does anyone have any suggestions

hope you all have a happy day

Billy66

[Billy66]

Hi all

Im glad you enjoy your beer in the off season Neil. yiu have to reeard yourself somehow. Im glad you are getting into the gym Scarlett- working in a group is good motivation. I lack motivation however took the puppies for a long walk on the beach on Sunday so felt good after that. Did you get to work today Scarlett? I did and go again tomorow. 

had a big arguement with middle child last about the way she talks to me or doesnt talk to me and a fight with my oldest daughter today over nothing. So now I feel like something the cat dragged in. I feel like going out drinking and doing stupid things. It doesnt take much to send me over the edge. As a parent you do everything to protect them then when they are adults they throw it back in your face. I try to make it up to them the sometimes turbulent childhood they had with my bipolar but I did my best and still do. I dont know what else to do

Sorry Im a sad sack today. The cold weather has got to me. Yes it was about 8 degrees this morning in sunny north qld

hope today has been good for you both

Billy

[Neil_1]

Hi there Billy

That is not good to hear about the arguments that you had with your children – though as you say, they’re adults now.

Do they know fully about your mental illness and the battles that you have with that?   If so, do you feel they may not fully understand the severity of it?

Hey, I heard you when you said you feel like going out for a drink or doing stupid things – I know it’s difficult to ask this and I probably shouldn’t, but I’m going to anyway.  Billy, if you feel like doing any of those things in the future, “instead” of doing any of those things, is it possible for you to come on here and let fly with a post instead?   Vent, unload, rant, write whatever, but do this sort of thing to get it out of your system instead of something that could be potentially harmful to yourself?   Whatdya’ reckon?

OR if you’re in a perhaps worse space at the time, either call up the emergency number, always on the top of each page or right near that, they have an on-line ‘chat’ kind of team, that would possibly get you quicker responses, if that’s something that you’re after.

Hope to hear from you soon.

Neil

[Scarlet72]

Hello Billy and Neli,

many thanks for your words of encouragement and for being my online fitness coaches! Haven't quite made it to work today, did well yesterday but feel a bit overwhelmed, will be back to it tomorrow hopefully. I'm impressed by your dedication to your fitness and food Neil, I might be asking you for some tips along the way!

hi billy, sorry about the arguments with your kids, like Neil said they are adults but it still hurts and is upsetting when disagreements take place. Neil offered valuable advise to you by writing on this site but if you feel you need more urgent support then please contact the emergency help line just don't go through this on your own, there's lots of support and lots of people who care for you.

please let us know how you are because we do care about you

p/s well done for taking your puppies to the beach on Sunday 

take care

scarlet. 

[Neil_1]

Hi there scarlet

Sorry to hear that you’re not feeling overly flash today – I can completely understand that, but that sounds super positive that you’ll be back in amongst it again tomorrow.  AND on top of that, you made it on a Monday, so feel damn good about getting to work on a Monday, as that can be a big stepping stone to get over.

Hey, fitness/exercise and sports are a passion of mine, so any questions you’d feel like asking, please do so and always remember to, that no question is ever silly.  It’s just the person you’re asking can be silly from time to time, but I promise to behave on here.  And I’m learning all the time with food as well, so that’s another source of interest.

In fact, just with most things, we are continually learning all the time and I think that’s a good way at looking at things from time to time.

And no matter how many times I hear it, I’m still jealous of folk who live close enough to the ocean to be able to go to the beach for a walk (and to take the dogs also).

Kind regards

Neil

[Billy66]

hi Neil and Scarlett

how has your day gone. did you get to work today Scarlett? Have you been given the opportunity to talk to your manager yet? You might be able to vent this frustration at the gym. Do you train in the mornings or night? 

thanks to you both for your support yesterday. my kids know about my illness however I dont tell them about the 'stupid' things I do when I'm depressed. They get annoyed with me and keep secrets which makes my insecurities worse. I actually did what you both suggested and wrote a post to you which helped. I feel like I have made some friends that aren't critical of everything I do. I have to be careful when I'm in 'that' place that I don't do anything 'stupid' cause I really cant go back to hospital.  I really don't know what is going on cause today there was times when I felt like I was getting Manic. I have the day off tomorrow and have an appointment with my case manager who hopefully can help. Maybe its my meds as well as my kids. I have tried the BB chat line several times but keep getting cut off cause i type to slow. Anyway thats my rant for today

remember Neil you can always go to the beach in your mind and smell the water and feel the sand without the sand and smell of wet dog in your car.

thanks again for your support 

Billy

[Scarlet72]

Hi Billy and Neil,

Good to hear from you both in a short space of time. My apologies Neil for calling you Neli in my previous post! 

Hey Billy, I'm pleased you are meeting with your case manager tomorrow and also that these posts assisted you too. It's reassuring to know that we all share the same thoughts and values around mental health and support. Hope tomorrow goes well for you.

i have managed to do a workout in the garage today, pleased with myself for that. It's rained all day so the dog is not looking happy, no walks in the rain! 

Living by the beach is nice but I equally like the countryside too, rolling green hills are very calming, good for the dogs too! 

 p/s baked a turkey mince, lentil and sweet potato topped bake, does that meet the healthy eating seal of approval?

Take care both of you

Scarlet

[Billy66]

Hi Neil and Scarlett

How are you both? I'm glad you did a wirkout in your garage yesterday. thats real keen to do it at home. I suppose the weather you have been experiencing would make anyone even dogs from going anywhere. my dogs won't even walk on our lawn if its wet. I just took our jack russell to the vet as he has really bad breath and I suspect a rotten tooth. i also believe he has dementia and a problem with his prostate. So he has to have antibiotics for a week and then next week have anaesthetic to fix teeth and check prostate. He is 13 so have to expect some problems. 

I saw my case manager today and it was good to get some ideas on dealing with my issues around talking to my kids about my health. Neil do your kids have a good understanding of your illness? Scarlett you have mentioned telling your family - was that difficult? I have a feeling that the issue I have with my psych isn't going to end well as they want me to sign a 'plan' about the help I can get or not get should I have to go to hospital again. Its pretty harsh and Im pretty sure I won't sign it. It doesn't seem right to punish someone for their illness. I see my GP tomorrow so I will talk to her about it.

Neil, I was reading on forums today about community champions and found your story. wow. you have been through alot. You seem to have a good sense of humour though. 

Is it still bitterly cold down south? you have sent it up here! it's supposed to be really cold tomorrow morning- around 6 degrees. i only own 1 jumper and wear shorts to work. I guess I'm a sook in more ways than one. 

Hope this finds you both well

Billy

[Neil_1]

Hi there Scarlet72 and Billy66

It’s Neil1 here.

Ohhhh yeah, the smell of wet dog – I know we love ‘em to bits, but the smell of wet dog ain’t always the bestest smell going around is it.

Good on you scarlet for getting out and doing your workout – and in the garage as well.  I used to do that for years and years, working out in my garage.  Damn cold in the morning and then had to battle mozzies in the summer … so you should feel damn pleased with yourself with that.  What kind of stuff do you have in your garage?

Also Billy, keep ranting here cause you know what – I don’t consider it a rant at all.  I just see you’ve provided a post and that you’re letting out some things that are happening and how you’re feeling – to me, that’s just a post and no rant at all.  It’s all very good and if we can help at all, then that’s even better and on top of that, you hopefully might even feel better for even just typing it out and sending.

And you know what, sometimes if you’ve written something, there might be a time when you re-read it and think, ‘oh no, I can’t send that’ and that’s fine too.  Just make up a little word document for things like that – just for thoughts and expressions.

That sounds like a great recipe – sounded very delicious.  Also add in some carrots and peas, carrots chopped up obviously and steamed for a while to slightly soften them.  Good stuff.

Neil

[Cotton]

Hi Billy,

Have felt the same...here's a few thoughts that have helped me get by

Try to remeber that you are a unique person and also a "link" in the world where relationships intersect and nobody can replace you in that link because without you they wouldn't be there. This means you are special and important and most of all, "a prized and irreplaceble" link in the chain of our humanity and the "social genome" (a concept I created) of your network.

 all the best, "Cotton"

[Cotton]

Hi Billy,

Have felt the same...here's a few thoughts that have helped me get by

Try to remeber that you are a unique person and also a "link" in the world where relationships intersect and nobody can replace you in that link because without you they wouldn't be there. This means you are special and important and most of all, "a prized and irreplaceble" link in the chain of our humanity and the "social genome" (a concept I created) of your network.

 all the best, "Cotton"