Bipolar and Cheating (Advice)

[Macca247]

Hey Guys,

I am after some advice off people who have experienced bipolar and cheating issues.

There is a long story around my Bipolar diagnosis but cheating multiple times over an 11 year relationship was the catalyst that got me in front of a therapist and therefore Im 33 and been diagnosed with Bipolar Dec Last year.

I have been working on everything to help since last year, weekly therapy sessions and medication I still have episodes where frantically talk to other people and sometimes cheat.

I will go periods where I don't even think about it (6 months) but then all of a sudden i find myself falling down the rabbit hole and it feels to good to crawl back out of.

My (sort of ex) partner of 11 years and I live seperate we still share hope that we can have a relationship and this is why I need your help.

I cant see or feel that I will be able to stop these actions and if this is the case I would prefer to end the relationship as I have already put her through to much pain and don't want to put her through anymore.

My questions are:

Will this always be a problem due to my diagnosis or does it go away ever?

I am taking medication, therapy and it still happens I don't know what else to do?

Any help / advice would be great

Adam

[Yana8216]

Hi Adam

I don't know much about bipolar. Good on you for working hard to better yourself. I think a lot of people find being faithful in long term relationships challenging. I hope you hear from other people who have bipolar and have had experiences similar to yours. Maybe an open relationship would suit you, polyamory is an interesting concept.

[white knight]

Hi Macca, welcome

I have bipolar 2. Do you have bipolar 1 or 2?

There is various degrees of bipolar. I have never been a cheat of any of the 4 long term partners I've lived with.

For that reason logic tells me some the reasons you cheat could be due to other reasons...hereditory, biological.

I mention this so you'll be open minded about it all. Continue with therapy and keep your ex informed of your lack of control and leave her decisions to her to make.

TonyWK

[quirkywords]

Adam

Welcome to the forum and thanks for sharing your story.

I think there are any people who have bipolar and don’t cheat and may who cheat and don’t have bipolar.
I can only speak for myself. I have bipolar and in my early 20s I was in a good relationship but I was manic and unmedicated.
I self sabotaged it by seeing someone else. I justified as it was a relationship of several months not a marriage.

I suppose if you are aware before you stray could you talk to your doctor or psychologist about your feelings. Is it possible to have feelings and not act in them.

If you want your relationship to start again, could you be totally honest with your partner and let them know when you have feelings for another or even thinking about cheating.

This sounds terrible but I know people for whom the thought of how their actions affect their partner is enough fir them to be very honest.

Do you get these feelings when manic or depressed or in both moods.?

Thanks again for being honest.

There is a thread called this bipolar life that you may want to look at. We are a supportive lot.

[clown_of_mine]

in my experience cheating is another stereotype

whatever causes the cheating is complicated

but I would say bipolar is a cause but not the symptom

[Macca247]

Ok, thanks everyone for the feedback.

Ill try and answer the questions asked throughout the post relating to my specific condition maybe to help provide some more clarity.

in relation to White Kinghts questions:

Do you have bipolar 1 or 2?:

I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2, I really don't know what degree of bipolar I have as its just life for me.

You cheat could be due to other reasons...hereditory, biological:

I would say the hereditary comment holds weight as although undiagnosed My grandfather (Cheater) My Uncle (Cheater) and Me (Cheater) have all been cheaters. I am the only clinically diagnosed as mental illness in my family is a taboo and a weakness so normally scoffed at.

in relation to quirkywords questions:

talk to your doctor or psychologist about your feelings:

My next conversation is to my psychologist in Feb, my partner is still waiting around in hope that I get better and I am unsure how much, if any better I can get? Therefore if my psychologist says that this most probably be a symptom I think I will have to call it.

could you be totally honest with your partner:

I think I could be totally honest although I dont know where that will take us, she wold not go for an open relationship I dont think and im not sure I could to that to her?

Do you get these feelings when manic or depressed or in both moods.?

Yes I do in both. Depression to try and fell better and manic cause I love the chase. In the middle I would say that it doesn't really happen though that period or I stop. I would say that the chase can probably keep me in a manic state when otherwise I would probably have come out of it.

Thanks clown of mine, I appreciate what your saying cause if was as simple as me stopping cause I love the person I already would have, I know my next relationship will be the same and the next one after that, so that's what I can't understand and if its not bipolar then what is it?

[Macca247]

On the bright side of all this I will say that with all the bad parts that come with bipolar it has given me some great gifts. for me in business, I started and continue to run a group of companies in areas of Resale, Finance, Logistics ,Hire. I find that I see things differently to virtually everyone I work with, its like a deeper understanding and a sense of clarity on unboxing a solution. The "manic" times drive ideas and I can't stop them and the "Down" times have given me the clarity to identify potential issues or competitors via my pessimistic thinking. I have honestly thought I was always just highly strung and misunderstood individual, turns out its bipolar 🙂

Anyway on closing I truly appreciate the feedback from people that most probably have a deeper understanding of this than I do and happy to share and try and help.
I will post this on bipolar life post as I notice you guys are all active on that forum and would like continued input.