Depression

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Jeriava How do I talk to my doctor?
  • replies: 9

I’ve been struggling with my life for the past 7-8 years but I finally made an appointment with a doctor. I feel really scared though because I don’t ever go to the doctor for anything, and I havent seen this doctor for so many years that I’m really ... View more

I’ve been struggling with my life for the past 7-8 years but I finally made an appointment with a doctor. I feel really scared though because I don’t ever go to the doctor for anything, and I havent seen this doctor for so many years that I’m really scared that they’ll judge me or won’t believe anything I say. I’m really anti social so I feel like I won’t be able to say what I wanna say or I’ll say the wrong thing causing them to just dismiss me and move me along without helping. I’m just tired of feeling alone, depressed and just worthless but I’m really scared to talk to them.

Chris_B Are you looking to support someone else with depression? PLEASE READ before posting
  • replies: 0

This forum is for people seeking support for their own mental health issues. If you're posting on behalf of someone else with a mental health issue that you're concerned about, please have a look at this section of our forums: Supporting family and f... View more

This forum is for people seeking support for their own mental health issues. If you're posting on behalf of someone else with a mental health issue that you're concerned about, please have a look at this section of our forums: Supporting family and friends with a mental health condition It's full of threads from people who have family members and friends going through anxiety, depression or other related conditions. Have a read through the threads there, and feel free to take part in the discussions. Below are also some helpful beyondblue resources you might want to look through first as well: Supporting someone Have the conversation

AGrace SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING DEPRESSION
  • replies: 132

Hi Everyone, Here are some ideas you might like to try for managing symptoms of depression. Of course everyone's different, so let us know what works for you, and please feel free to add to the list... Mindfulness – through breathing or engaging the ... View more

Hi Everyone, Here are some ideas you might like to try for managing symptoms of depression. Of course everyone's different, so let us know what works for you, and please feel free to add to the list... Mindfulness – through breathing or engaging the 5 senses Distress Tolerance – Accepting Emotions and Self Soothing Distraction – Put the thoughts/feelings aside and come back to them when you are ready to deal with them Positive Affirmations – Have some affirmations written down repeat them to yourself daily Sleep/Exercise/Diet – All 3 aspects of our lifestyle can impact the way we think/feel Increasing Pleasurable Activities – Engage in at least one pleasurable activity per day

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iamsotired I feel as if I am the ball in a tennis match
  • replies: 13

I feel as if I am the ball in a tennis match i go from way on the negative to the net or just over and occasionally way to the positive side. But the positive side does not make me feel any better last Friday I was awarded 3rd place in an internation... View more

I feel as if I am the ball in a tennis match i go from way on the negative to the net or just over and occasionally way to the positive side. But the positive side does not make me feel any better last Friday I was awarded 3rd place in an international writing competition. Wow! well my brain tells me that is great, but I just feel nothing, flat.......... i take lots of medication, work hard at alternative activities that SHOULD generate some positive inner response ( cognitive therapy and all nothing seems to work... does anything work? it is all just tiring getting up and moving forward with no real enthusiasm

Mares73 No hope this week
  • replies: 24

Hi all i think I was about to go for my appt to see the Acute Team Pysch when I past wrote. He turned out to be yeRs young & arrogant. I think I was more self aware than he was used to so he tried to criticise the meds I'm on but then saying he can't... View more

Hi all i think I was about to go for my appt to see the Acute Team Pysch when I past wrote. He turned out to be yeRs young & arrogant. I think I was more self aware than he was used to so he tried to criticise the meds I'm on but then saying he can't sdp, change or recommend anything-as long as I went suicidal he was going to ph & refer me bk to my own private pysch. I was supposed to see her last Thursday but I hadn't slept for 41 hours & I couldn't go-I couldn't think straight & I knew I needed to be able to lake things in when I saw her. So now I have appt for mon 10 Feb but cancellations usually come up so I should see her this week. Several people have said just to stop taking the stimulant med as it's been a drastic decline last 2 wks. This wkend meant to be going down coast to stay for my husbands friends wedding. But as I keep telling him I'm not in a state to go to a wedding with no one I know & I'm not even looking forward to going away as home is my safety net comfort zone. My mind & thoughts are scattered, I can't concentrate or remember things. Even my mum is saying I don't talk like me-I'm unclear, finding communication difficult. She is concerned at my mental state as she's never seen me so unwell. She says to just tell my husband I can't go-he can still go, but he'd be so mad at me. I'm just feeling alone & had hoped to have advice/changes by now. But I may try lower dosages of the stimulant because someone like me who is generally always anxious-what benefit for me is there in taking a stimulant. Anxious, down, lost & feeling it's all too overwhelming. Anyway to sum up I feel awful. Exhausted beyond words. So my dear friends I'm wondering how you all are & I carry you in my heart. Lve Mares x

Saddened Overwhelmed, but I barely leave the house.
  • replies: 3

Thank you for opening my post.I'm 20, female and living in SA with my mother. I have depression, severe anxiety and agoraphobia. I've become very numb, not because of my medications but because of my mind. I can feel my body is physically reacting mo... View more

Thank you for opening my post.I'm 20, female and living in SA with my mother. I have depression, severe anxiety and agoraphobia. I've become very numb, not because of my medications but because of my mind. I can feel my body is physically reacting more than ever now and it scares me. I have a wonderful boyfriend but I can't even go on a date with him because I get too scared leading up to leaving the house and if I do leave, the whole time I can't stop looking over my shoulder and looking around and my heart rate goes crazy and I can't think, can't get comfortable, and I don't want anybody to see me or look at me. Today for the first time in 8 months I went out and had coffee at a coffee shop with a good friend of mine, who knew I had these disorders. I tried my hardest to calm myself down and be relaxed and the best I could do was seem stressed, it was awful for me inside myself though, and leading up to knowing I was going to do this was awful. My friend hadn't seen me like this before because I only see her at my house or hers, inside small spaces, a familiar safe area. Once she saw I wasn't my normal self she started treating me different, and got very annoyed that I wasn't my usual self. She wouldn't smile or make conversation with me and it made me feel so guilty and horrible and alone. I tried to explain to her again what having agoraphobia means and she just seemed really put out, I even apologised for my condition to try and make her feel okay and she just laughed. I am very saddened by this experience. When I got home I laid in bed like I always do and thought about hurting myself but I felt so heavy I couldn't move. I fell asleep, like I always do, and then woke up, and lay here, like I always do. If you have read this far, thank you.Yesterday my dad got in contact with me and said he's leaving for england on sunday and won't be back for two years. He's given me an hour to see him on saturday before he leaves. I never see him, I miss him, but he doesn't care about me. Even my mother and my sister tell me this. What if he dies while he's away? Tomorrow is the last few minutes I might ever spend with him. I'm sad.

Heids Exhausted nurse seeks advice
  • replies: 7

Lately I just feel down all to often. I have friends and family that love me, but I always just feel so alone. I am a nurse so my job involves constantly caring for people and I love it but it just get so exhausting. When I get home all I want to do ... View more

Lately I just feel down all to often. I have friends and family that love me, but I always just feel so alone. I am a nurse so my job involves constantly caring for people and I love it but it just get so exhausting. When I get home all I want to do is sleep so I do, but then in never get to see my friends so this causes me to get even more down. I just don't know what to do! Especially when there is no one to care for me when I get home.

Ftroop feeling confused
  • replies: 1

im really confused, I feel angry all the time but I don't really know why. I don't know what to think, I hate myself in lots of ways but I cant stop the way I feel.

im really confused, I feel angry all the time but I don't really know why. I don't know what to think, I hate myself in lots of ways but I cant stop the way I feel.

AloneInTheDark My life story
  • replies: 6

Hey guys, I've been in a really bad place lately, and I don't have anyone else to speak to, I don't want my family to know about my troubles, because there is already too much going on in my parents lives. Where do i start? I've never spoken/written ... View more

Hey guys, I've been in a really bad place lately, and I don't have anyone else to speak to, I don't want my family to know about my troubles, because there is already too much going on in my parents lives. Where do i start? I've never spoken/written what's going on in my head before, and I just need to let it all out. I've been the social outcast all my life, floating by on a piece of string, hoping it doesn't snap and leave me in the dark. I don't have any friends, I have acquaintances who occasionally ask me to do stuff, but I am to afraid of going out, as I have sever anxiety issues and freak out about lots of things. I guess my life spiraled out of control in the start of Year 10, toward the end of that year, the group of guys I hung out with at school stopped talking to me, avoiding me at all costs and just being really rude. I thought these were the people I could count on most to not do this. For 3 months Oct-Dec, I spent every recess and lunch reading books alone, bottling up my feelings and hating myself, always wondering what I had done to deserve this. I cried myself to sleep every night, as a 16 year old boy. The school I attended finishes at Year 10, so I moved on to a new school.. New school, new start? yeah, right. I'm a really shy person, I have the social skills equivalent to that of a polar bear, ( a.k.a non-existent ) I didn't meet new people, I struggled through school, year 12 was a shamble, with my anxiety causing me to blank out during tests and even pass out during exams, so on top of my failing life, my grades were miserable. Of course, this made me feel even worse, no friends, no future aspirations, just a person no one cares about. In October last year, at my cousins 21st, I met this wonderful girl, and we started talking, just a little at first, it eventually led on to us talking every night for 2 months until one of us fell asleep. That 2 months was the best of my life. I forgot all the terrible stuff that had happened, and could only focus on the girl who made me feel alive. I finally caught up with her, and it was a disaster, my stress levels went through the roof, and I messed up. We didn't speak for a while, mainly because I was too afraid of what she thought. A few nights ago, I messaged her, asking her if things could go back to the way they were before I was an idiot and my anxiety ruined our friendship. She replied with a long drawn out message about how she was sorry about what we had, and she should never have talked to me as often as she did, and the way she did, knowing that I was a loner, and had never had a friend who was a girl. She basically led me on an adventure that ended in pain and suffering. One that I was all too familiar with. I'm currently 18, most people think I have plenty of time to find someone like her, but I don't know, I've never had so much in common with anyone before, and the way she stopped talking to me literally crushed me. I've spent the last few days ignoring her, the world and everything, I just feel like leaving. Permanantly I don't really have anywhere else to go, except where everyone who goes through these things converges, I just want some people to talk to. I want to go see a therapist, but i'm too afraid of my parents and siblings knowing, and trying to help me themselves, i'm too much of a burden on everyone.

Lauren_D1 Ex-boyfriend problems.
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone, I'm having ex-boyfriend troubles. Thank you for taking the time to read my story, any advice is helpful. My ex-boyfriend and I were together for nearly two years, living together and building a house together. We had issues, but both agr... View more

Hi everyone, I'm having ex-boyfriend troubles. Thank you for taking the time to read my story, any advice is helpful. My ex-boyfriend and I were together for nearly two years, living together and building a house together. We had issues, but both agreed that it was probably because neither of us had any space due to our tiny apartment and the fact we work together - familiarity breeds contempt. That is why we began building, so that we could be fully independent and still have some space. He was seeing a therapist through work due to his inability to control his temper (never violent but unable to control his emotions) and I felt it was really helping him, and we were both longing for our lease to end so that we could get a bigger place and not be in each others face so much until the house was built. Then he broke up with me suddenly nearly two months ago and it devastated me. Since then it's been back and forth emotionally. For a week after he said we had broken up he was helping me pack the apartment (our lease had ended) and we would talk and hug and spend the night together, even though he kept saying he still wanted to break up. I hoped that a few weeks apart would help him get over the stress and we would reconcile, but he eventually said that he didn't love me, didn't want to deal with the stress of the house, and had no interest in reconciling. I was devastated but accepted his decision. A few weeks later he had to sign some papers in my office and ended up staying for three hours, telling me how much he missed me, that he was having such a hard time, and how upset he was that he had been afraid to talk to me about how he was feeling when we were together. We talked about our problems and I know that if we had talked about it when we were together, we might have resolved things. I confessed I did want us to try again, but that I was unsure if I could trust him - he admitted he wanted me back but didn't want to rush into things. We agreed not to make any hasty decisions and to take it slow, so when he kissed me and asked to come over I said no, I did want him to, but it was too much for one day. A few days later we talked and he told me that he hadn't meant any of the things he said, and that he only said it to make me happy and still had no interest in a relationship. I was very upset, as he had been the one to instigate the conversation about us and had seemed to happy and affectionate when we left. My mother pointed out he might have felt rejected, so a few days later I contacted him and we started to talk again. He confessed he was feeling really unsure, angry and frustrated, and then began talking about suicide. The only thing that held him back was how upset his family would be. I was very distressed by this and comforted him, saying I wanted to be there for him, even if we were not in a relationship. He admitted that I'm the only person he feels comfortable talking to, and he's stopped seeing his shrink, but that he doesn't want to hurt me, hates when I'm upset and doesn't want me to get my hopes up. He asked if we could go out on the weekend to see the progress on our house, as he can't face going there himself. I agreed. However a few days later he said something had come up and he wouldn't be coming - he says that he's going out with friends but I asked if it was really because he couldn't deal with the house and he said maybe. I went to see him and we sat in his car and talked. He talked about suicide again and I tried to convince him that he needed to see a shrink to help him deal with everything. I said I felt like he was toying with my emotions but that I'm trying to be patient and understanding because I feel like he's just lashing out because hes hurt and confused. He got very upset and angry, to the point where he was smashing his fist on the console, and made me get out of the car before speeding off. I tried to contact him, afraid he was going to do something awful, but he just told me to go away, stop calling, and blocked my calls. For hours I tried calling off other phones, and texting, asking that he just respond that he was OK. He didn't, and I ended up calling his mother and asking her to check on him while I got in the car to drive out there, fearing the worst. Eventually he did get into contact, he had turned his phone on silent and gone to sleep, but it was a truly horrible afternoon. I don't know how to handle whats going on. He's told me I'm the only person he can talk to, and I ask why he's pushing me away and he doesn't know. His family has a history of mental illness, suicide and depression, and I've tried reaching out to them with my concerns but they just rebuff me. I am really worried about him and don't know what to do. He won't seek help, he suppresses how he's feeling around his friends, and keeps changing his mind about what he wants from me, and pushing me away. I so still hope for a reconciliation I'll admit, but know there was no chance while he was so upset, and he's said he thinks we're too far gone to fix things, and that he doesn't love me anymore. Nevertheless, I still want to be there for him, because I still care about him so much. I'm afraid that if I cut him off, he'll do something stupid. And there is a degree of selfishness, because I don't want to lose him either. I have shown him this website and asked him to look into it, but he wont. Any advice would be appreciated. I'll probably show him this post because I think he does need help, and it might help to get some advice from the beyondblue community. Thank you for taking the time to read my story.

guest75 can depression be brought on by a loved one?
  • replies: 6

I met with my psychologist yesterday afternoon. This is the first session I've had with her where i was able to speak properly about everything, without turning into a blubbering mess. It was also the first session where I was able to look at my rela... View more

I met with my psychologist yesterday afternoon. This is the first session I've had with her where i was able to speak properly about everything, without turning into a blubbering mess. It was also the first session where I was able to look at my relationship with Tara objectively, without just "wanting her back" as i had for the previous 5-6 weeks. She didnt say it in exact words, but she suggested that my depression may have been brought on by Tara and the way she had been treating me. Over the last 6 months of our relationship, she convinced me to leave a job i loved and we had to relocate, when that job didnt work out she assured me there was enough in savings for me to resign and look for a new job. All the savings money was in her name so i was left with no money and became a virtual hermit for 6 months as she kept making excuses to not put money into my account, and because we only had 1 car i was left with no transportation. This had been happening (money stuff etc) for approximately 2 years before we made the move Finding the stuff on the computer that showed me she had been cheating on me was the best thing that ever happened to me (as stupid as that sounds) as it allowed me to see her for what she really was. Previous to that I was always of the opinion i was lucky to have her, she was better than me and i should be greatful. She will blame me for my moods changing for our relationship breakdown, but i feel my depression and subsequent mood changes were brought on by her actions towards me, turning me into a prisoner in my own home. The releif i have felt since knowing it was over has been undescribable, knowing its finished and being able to see everything how it really was. My blossoming relationship with Katy is also a fantasic feeling helping feel better, but even without that, knowing that of my life is finished is pure relief. Has that happened to anyone else, to have a person who you loved and lived with to bring the depression on with their actions? Something i wrote last night, directed at Tara You thought you won? You left me a broken man You left me with no money You left me with no job You left me with no car You left me with no home You left me alone Did you win? NO I have rebuilt myself, and I am now a better man I have a job I have money I have a car And I am now seeing a new lady, who, throughout our whole relationship, i always wondered "what if" Now i can discover what if with her So thank you for breaking me and causing me to rebuild myself, because i am now a better man than i was

Christa1 In A Panic
  • replies: 7

A few hours ago I replied to those who had replied to my post (this is only my 2nd ever post), saying how I felt better today. Since then, my son has returned back from his dad's house & has been saying things which strongly suggest he may be thinkin... View more

A few hours ago I replied to those who had replied to my post (this is only my 2nd ever post), saying how I felt better today. Since then, my son has returned back from his dad's house & has been saying things which strongly suggest he may be thinking of taking our son to live with him some time in the near future. We are not divorced (still separated) and there are no legal orders for access for either of us. I feel shattered, just shaken to the core. I never thought I would have to deal with this as our separation was pretty amicable We have been separated for 3 years & I have a new partner. We are due to move in together (with my son) next month. My ex-husband, I have recently found out, now has a girlfriend and I think he may want our son to live with them later in the year. I keep my son out of all the difficulties I have with his dad. I have never bad-mouthed his dad to him or asked him to keep anything from his dad, ever. Our son would like to live with both of us, he says. I am worried that if I go for custody that my depression will be brought up & also the state of my home, which needs a lot of repair & frequently looks like a bomb's hit it! I feel panicky, like my world is starting to crumble around me. If I didn't have my son, I don't know what there would be left to live for. After having done all the hard yards for the past 3 years looking after our son, I feel shattered that his dad might just come along & take him. I can't even think straight as to what to do. I feel almost numb with shock at this. My son is my world & I just can't lose him. Can these post be made available to solicitors etc... I don't want to give anyone any ammunition against me.

Mares73 Avoidance & Selfesteem issues
  • replies: 4

Hi all, I was about to reply to my dear friend Neil when I realised there was a common thread through many people's stories & situations. So many of experience low Selfesteem, lack of confidence, fear of future, feel like a failure. And for some peop... View more

Hi all, I was about to reply to my dear friend Neil when I realised there was a common thread through many people's stories & situations. So many of experience low Selfesteem, lack of confidence, fear of future, feel like a failure. And for some people the way they cope is to use avoidance strategies to escape the pain & experiences they are dealing with. For so long I have used avoidance behaviour whenever I could to cope. This may be taking extra medication, drinking, escaping into another situation etc. but I just thought I'd mention it as its a big part of depression. And when we cannot feel hope, we do the next best thing-try to escape the situation (& this includes harm issues). I don't have the answered & right now I wish I could escape/avoid how I'm feeling-but in my situation the depression has overwhelmed me beyond my usual point of hiding it & coping with it. But I have always had low Selfesteem, I have always blamed myself for anything & everything. I apologise for things that people say "why are you apologising?), I see myself as a failure with no hope. Yet 10yrs ago I was in a high level job & was a different person. Now escaping into work was also an avoidance issue in some ways as I excelled at work but had experienced post-natal depression so I thought my kids were better in daycare. But they weren't happy & missed me & I eventually gave up work to be there for them and I'm so glad I did-yet the isolation when there is no one around is hard to manage. And from the reading I've done of people's stories-there seems to be an initial trigger or memory of painful experience from the past that they are still dealing with, as well as current issues which collide & bring us down. We may not even be able to identify the trigger/issue of pain as we have buried it deep & are now just coping with symptoms like me rather than moving on tie taking the next step of confronting or facing painful feelings, memories & thoughts. I don't know if any of this makes sense. I started off thinking of Neil & then thought so many of us may experience feeling at the bottom of the world. So this thread is "dedicated" to Neil ( im so awful hey) for those who can relate to the issues I've raised. Lve Mares x