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Jeriava How do I talk to my doctor?
  • replies: 9

I’ve been struggling with my life for the past 7-8 years but I finally made an appointment with a doctor. I feel really scared though because I don’t ever go to the doctor for anything, and I havent seen this doctor for so many years that I’m really ... View more

I’ve been struggling with my life for the past 7-8 years but I finally made an appointment with a doctor. I feel really scared though because I don’t ever go to the doctor for anything, and I havent seen this doctor for so many years that I’m really scared that they’ll judge me or won’t believe anything I say. I’m really anti social so I feel like I won’t be able to say what I wanna say or I’ll say the wrong thing causing them to just dismiss me and move me along without helping. I’m just tired of feeling alone, depressed and just worthless but I’m really scared to talk to them.

Chris_B Are you looking to support someone else with depression? PLEASE READ before posting
  • replies: 1

This forum is for people seeking support for their own mental health issues. If you're posting on behalf of someone else with a mental health issue that you're concerned about, please have a look at this section of our forums: Supporting family and f... View more

This forum is for people seeking support for their own mental health issues. If you're posting on behalf of someone else with a mental health issue that you're concerned about, please have a look at this section of our forums: Supporting family and friends with a mental health condition It's full of threads from people who have family members and friends going through anxiety, depression or other related conditions. Have a read through the threads there, and feel free to take part in the discussions. Below are also some helpful beyondblue resources you might want to look through first as well: Supporting someone Have the conversation

AGrace SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING DEPRESSION
  • replies: 132

Hi Everyone, Here are some ideas you might like to try for managing symptoms of depression. Of course everyone's different, so let us know what works for you, and please feel free to add to the list... Mindfulness – through breathing or engaging the ... View more

Hi Everyone, Here are some ideas you might like to try for managing symptoms of depression. Of course everyone's different, so let us know what works for you, and please feel free to add to the list... Mindfulness – through breathing or engaging the 5 senses Distress Tolerance – Accepting Emotions and Self Soothing Distraction – Put the thoughts/feelings aside and come back to them when you are ready to deal with them Positive Affirmations – Have some affirmations written down repeat them to yourself daily Sleep/Exercise/Diet – All 3 aspects of our lifestyle can impact the way we think/feel Increasing Pleasurable Activities – Engage in at least one pleasurable activity per day

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thundergod It happened to me didn't it?
  • replies: 4

Hey, so I didn't really know where to turn with this and I found comfort in the anonymity that this kind of thing offers, so thought I might try and get something out of my head to see if it does anything.I guess I should start by saying for the last... View more

Hey, so I didn't really know where to turn with this and I found comfort in the anonymity that this kind of thing offers, so thought I might try and get something out of my head to see if it does anything.I guess I should start by saying for the last month and a half I have felt pretty lame. Not really enjoying stuff, just turning up and appearing normal to anyone who happens to bump into me. I started seeing a girl in the last two months, which has mostly been great, but she's moving away and last week she told me she doesn't really want a boyfriend, just a friend. I was already feeling pretty worthless by that time with other stuff outside of this (life/work/band etc.), but I think that really stuck the boot in and now I kind of feel as though my worth is at an all time low. I'm struggling to come up with excuses to keep existing, I feel like I'm destined to plot this course of life alone and quite frankly it's a journey I'm really not that keen to see out the end of, especially if this is all that's in-store for me. I had a look at stuff around suicide over the weekend, originally I thought that looking at something like that would scare me into getting better, but I was weirdly at peace with the idea, as if it were somehow justifiable. I really don't want to talk my parents about this stuff, partly because I want to spare them the worry but mostly because I'm 100% certain that they'll tell other members of my family, who then tell more people, so on and so fourth. The kicker in all of this? I'm a Mental Health worker. My job is to help people deal with the things that they are going through, yet I can' help myself? You know, I never thought it would happen to me... but I always thought on the off chance that it did, I would know how to fix it, but alas, here I am, morosely content on fading into the background I've tried to be so different from. beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}

lunamouse Rough times right now
  • replies: 13

Hi, I'm new here, nice to meet you all. I guess I'll start with my situation at the moment and what brought me here. I started a new job last year that's relevant to my uni degree in law. I was absolutely stoked about it at first - the working hours ... View more

Hi, I'm new here, nice to meet you all. I guess I'll start with my situation at the moment and what brought me here. I started a new job last year that's relevant to my uni degree in law. I was absolutely stoked about it at first - the working hours were good, the people seemed nice (although a bit more extroverted than what I'm used to) and the work was easy. However over time feelings of self-doubt and self-loathing have started creeping up on me. I began to realise I'm in the wrong profession for my personality type, I'm timid, sensitive and a push-over sometimes, I'm very awkward around people, can't interpret social cues and hate making small talk. It doesn't help that my colleagues are all extroverted go-getters who are somehow able to maintain a sociable presence at work whilst also juggling 50 million things. Whereas, in comparison I'm just a bumbling awkward thing who tries to join in lunch-time small talk only to have 5 different people talk over me when I finally come up with something to say. My inability to fit in at work has really taken a toll on my productivity, most of the time I'd play a conversation with a colleague over and over in my head that I miss crucial work-related things --I have been criticised by my manager countless times about my lack of attention to detail. To sum up, I feel incompetent, worthless and a bit of a nobody at work. Also, I have constantly struggled with body image issues and it's become a lot worse this past year. I've started binge-eating to the point I'd feel so gross I'd stare at my swollen stomach in the mirror for hours and cry. Other days, I would starve myself and work out at the gym. I've intentionally pushed away my family and friends by starting trivial arguments. I use my boyfriend as an emotional punching bag and he's tired of me. I'm constantly bitter at other people's success. I've tried to talk about it but no one understands, they say 'there are less fortunate people than you, you have pretty much everything. Look at those kids in Africa' -which doesn't help. Today I suddenly broke down in the middle of a parking lot and couldn't stop crying, I guess I felt so ashamed of the person I've become - a terrible friend, girlfriend and daughter. I'm sorry about this whole rant. I know I need help and I'm truly grateful that I found this forum. I feel like I won't be judged here and I really hope to hear some of your stories so I know I'm not alone in all this. Thank you for reading. -lunamouse

Loco_ I feel as though I am always putting on a brave face
  • replies: 4

I believe I have suffered from depression in varying degrees since adolescence, and also have a history of self-harm. However, the past 12 months have been particularly bad. It all come to a head in January when my partner begged me to seek help. I h... View more

I believe I have suffered from depression in varying degrees since adolescence, and also have a history of self-harm. However, the past 12 months have been particularly bad. It all come to a head in January when my partner begged me to seek help. I had a mental health assessment with my GP, and was started on a dose of anitdepressants and referred to a psychologist.I have been to two sessions with the psychologist since then and am taking my medication as required. However, I feel as though I am getting worse...I suffer from constant negative thoughts and believe I have depression and social anxiety. Lately, I have really been questioning my mental health.Getting up and out of bed is a struggle on a daily basis. I work nights so already have a somewhat disturbed sleep pattern, but even when I have had a good nights sleep, I am lethargic and simply don't want to get up.I feel as though loved ones think I'm making it up, and I worry that my psychologist thinks I'm being petty. I feel as though I have no one to talk with and no support available.I struggle socialising with friends, as I become anxious and ruminate over what I said, or what they said, if they like me, my appearance etc.My partner and a number of close friends also experience depression and anxiety, I feel as though I am always putting on a brave face to support them. Even when I do communicate that I need help, I feel as though they make it about them.This further causes me to feel bad, as I feel selfish and rude to think that way about my friends and love ones. I feel I should support them and that demanding help myself is just self absorbed.I have briefly touched on this with my psychologist. I think she's really good and feel hopeful after our sessions so far. I already feel an attachment to her, but now that is concerning me too. I feel like I like her too much, like I will come across as too needy. Anyway, sometimes I feel like the concern is more on formulating a plan rather than me being heard. This may be because were in the initial stages...I am always so anxious and nervous at the start of the session, I know she will ask how I have been. I want to answer truthful but am held back by my fear of coming across as faking it, pathetic, overreacting etc.I just feel meh!! and wanted to know if anyone can relate to these feelings?

Anna_Banana Sick of the constant struggle.
  • replies: 5

I haven't posted before but felt the need to today. I'm just so tired of the constant struggle to keep on top of this illness called depression. I'm in my 40s and it feels as though it's getting worse with age. I hardly ever leave the house, and I do... View more

I haven't posted before but felt the need to today. I'm just so tired of the constant struggle to keep on top of this illness called depression. I'm in my 40s and it feels as though it's getting worse with age. I hardly ever leave the house, and I don't want to. I don't want people to see me like this. My husband has PTSD and although he's very supportive, I don't want to burden him with my issues. Some days it's hard to see the point of it all. My anti-depressants don't seem to be working very well lately. I am just so totally over it all and wish this black dog would just go away. But I know it never will, and that's the hard part. I don't even want to talk about it with anyone as I can't see the point. I'm not sure why I'm even writing this!

Mr_Mojo23 Can someone be a lost cause?
  • replies: 5

Where do I begin? Well first and foremost I am starting to feel like a lost cause, I’ll explain. I am 31 years old (32 in September) and due to family commitments I am living at home with my parents. Due to my father’s ailing health and inability to ... View more

Where do I begin? Well first and foremost I am starting to feel like a lost cause, I’ll explain. I am 31 years old (32 in September) and due to family commitments I am living at home with my parents. Due to my father’s ailing health and inability to return to work I try to help out by paying the electricity, telephone and internet, as well as helping my mother with my nephew and cooking, but I am constantly being reminded by the media that I am a looser for living at home at my age.I am also overweight (think Kevin James), plus to add to the cliché and I have never had a girlfriend or serious relationship, pathetic right? It’s not that I do not want someone in my life, but I don’t feel I have anything of value to offer anyone, and if someone were to get to know me they wouldn’t like what they find, and would see me for the failure I am. I get nervous in social situations and avoid parties and all costs. So now I feel I am trapped in this cycle of self-loathing and fear of what others are thinking about me, worried about how are they judging me? When people on public transport would rather stand the whole trip rather than sit in the only spare seat next to me it feels like I am to be avoided, so I hide away from the world.I don't have close friends to talk to about this, and I don’t want to bother my parents with my problems as I know they have enough to deal with. I am even anxious writing this here as I am picturing people sitting and laughing at the fat looser, That I should take two spoons of cement and harden up as there are people worse off than me. I am starting to feel like I am standing at the edge of an abyss, and the only thing holding me back is the fact that I do not want to leave my mother alone to cope with the bills, my father’s medical needs and raising my nephew.But the same questions keep playing over in my mind. Is there any hope for me? What woman would want anything to do with a nerd with no relationship experience? and what would happen if I were gone? Who would care? beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:8.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:107%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}

Failed I think I need help
  • replies: 8

I wake up and drag myself out of bed for what I don't know why. I think I've been on a downward spiral for the last few years. I start crying at the drop of a hat. My temper just explodes. I don't have anyone to talk to. I don't want to leave to the ... View more

I wake up and drag myself out of bed for what I don't know why. I think I've been on a downward spiral for the last few years. I start crying at the drop of a hat. My temper just explodes. I don't have anyone to talk to. I don't want to leave to the house. I have no immediate family to talk. My only brother doesn't seem to care he just thinks about his own life and hasn't included me in his life for many years to him I'm just an annoyance. Everyday things just seem to be become more of chore. It's an effort to shower. My Mum was diagnosed with lung cancer and secondary brain tumor over 5 years ago and at time of diagnosis was give 3 months to live. She fought hard and is still alive. I gave up my job to become her fulltime carer. I am a single mum to my daughter who was diagnosed with depression a couple of years ago. I always promised my Mum I would not place her in a nursing but due to circumstances that was not possible and she was placed in care in January this year as it became too much without any family support. Everything seems to closing in. I will soon have no income to support myself or my daughter to cover the cost of rent or where my next meal will come. It is worth going on. Sometimes I just think why bother no one will miss you anyway my life is worthless. How can I help my daughter if I'm in this situation. What do I do??? Where do I go??? The last doctor I saw didn't want to talk about it and said I'm stressed it's just part of life and you have to deal with it. But I'm not dealing with beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}

kell7307 First step - but scared
  • replies: 10

Hi, this is my first post on here, it has taken me awhile to build up the strength to do it. A little about myself, I'm 24 f & I have a wonderful supportive partner of 6 years. I have suffered from depression for as long as I have known (I have not b... View more

Hi, this is my first post on here, it has taken me awhile to build up the strength to do it. A little about myself, I'm 24 f & I have a wonderful supportive partner of 6 years. I have suffered from depression for as long as I have known (I have not been to the dr to be diagnosed though but this is what this post is about), I also recently found out that both my Mum & Grandma had been diagnosed with depression. However over the last probably 6 months I feel that I am getting worse and worse. Things range from its feels like someone is flicking a switch & I just turn from being happy to being instantly annoyed about something most of the time its very minor & this feeling can last for days, I get excessively tired even after having a solid 8-10 hour sleep. Even something as simple as my partner not being home from work by the time I get home which is through no fault of his own (delayed public transport) which he is excellent at telling me about at the time it is running late, but I don't know why, I just hold it against him for days & its like I switch off, I have no emotion, I don't want him to touch me, talk to me, I don't want to watch any tv, hardly eat, & try to push him away in the hopes that he will give up on me & bring up every little minor thing that he may have done that week in the hopes of keeping the argument going. I want to go to the Dr desperately, because as much as I don't show my partner any emotion during these episodes, it breaks my heart when he says that when he met me my good days were probably 80/100 but now he has recognised that they are at about 50/100 (I hope this makes sense) & he breaks down in tears saying that he just wants me to get help. Another thing to mention is that in the past 18 months I have lost about 70kg, which I thought me being overweight was aiding my depression in regards to not feeling good about myself, but since loosing the weight my moods & feeling helpless/alone/down/suicidal/no strength to go on, seems to have only gotten worse. I am scared to go to the Dr for the following reasons: - I don't want them to put me into a clinic & don't want to have to disclose any of the information in regards to my mental health to my work - I don't want the medication that they put me on to make me worse - I also do not want to put on any weight due to the medication If anyone else had the same concerns as me before going to the DR I would love to hear. beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636

TheBear I should be happy, but there's a weight pulling me down
  • replies: 3

So this is my first step in trying to get myself sorted. Today I finally admitted a lot of things to myself and said it out loud to my partner. I am on anti depressants as to begin with I was taking them for nerve damage. I'm 27 and have just found o... View more

So this is my first step in trying to get myself sorted. Today I finally admitted a lot of things to myself and said it out loud to my partner. I am on anti depressants as to begin with I was taking them for nerve damage. I'm 27 and have just found out that my fiance (we've been together for nearly 9 years, engaged for 3 1/2) is pregnant. While I am happy about this there's something behind the scenes draining me. It makes me angry and sad all at the same time, half the time without warning. I'm currently dealing with a workers compensation claim. I injured my shoulder back in Sept last year, there was a lot of BS being thrown at me because there wasn't a diagnosis within the first month. Late Dec I find out there's a tear in the joint. This is when I noticed I had started shutting down to friends and family. I didn't enjoy most of my hobbies anymore More BS ensues with the surgeon, it took his office 3 1/2 months to book in surgery. I felt defeated during this ordeal, I couldn't do anything to make it or myself better. It's now 2 months down the track and I'm getting worse. I don't drink often, but when I have recently it's been to the point where my memory is patchy or I make myself sick. I have smoked marijuana for quite a few years, to begin with it was pain management due to an old injury. But recently it has been to become numb to my situation, it's easier to just not think about it than deal with it head on. My anger is getting harder to control and I have no idea how to deal with the extreme low/sadness I feel at the same time. I'm still shutting people and hobbies out, even my partner sometimes.I don't want to burden them with my crap (this is how I see it) as everyone has their problems. But right now I'm drowning, my head is only just above the water. I know my situation isn't that bad compared to most, but it truly is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel whilst it keeps sucking you back into the darkness.I have had a few suicidal thoughts, but now I have to get it together for my fiance and my future child. I still feel worthless, most people don't know about these issues as I'm the sort of guy to put on a brave face to try and help them. beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}

neleke i have had depression for many years
  • replies: 6

i have had depression for many years and am taking antidepressants to help it. too much pressure on myself by other people brought it on. Plus my life with my husband and kids varies all the time. In the good times it is ok but in the bad times i am ... View more

i have had depression for many years and am taking antidepressants to help it. too much pressure on myself by other people brought it on. Plus my life with my husband and kids varies all the time. In the good times it is ok but in the bad times i am very depressed,have anxiety,stress and get upset easily. during the past year and half it has been hard as my husband was unemployed and our finances were tough. I would like any suggestions on how to cope and help myself in my down times.

Clayhay Feel beaten and failed
  • replies: 5

Hi Everyone. Thank you for sharing your stories. But thank you mostly to those of you who understand and support others. this is my first post (copied from the intro thread) yesterday. Hi,Ive joined the forums today because Im just not coping with my... View more

Hi Everyone. Thank you for sharing your stories. But thank you mostly to those of you who understand and support others. this is my first post (copied from the intro thread) yesterday. Hi,Ive joined the forums today because Im just not coping with my life. I struggle just to get out of bed in the morning/ I lay awake wishing i wasnt here. I have read a few stories on this thread and I thank everyone for sharing. In a situation where you feel so alone its amazing to find so many of us struggle along. I have struggled all my life with self esteem and self belief issues. I always find I just dont fit in or am just not good enough. I was only diagnosed with depression after having my children that I got so desperate i just cried in the doctors office. I was on medication for a few years but didnt like the reliance of it and have been off them for some time but i know i need them again. I just want to cry all the time. I have struggled to find a job in my town for so long now that I just cant do it anymore. I have applied for 100s of jobs and had some interviews but just dont cross the line. I feel beaten and failed. I am now avoiding social situations because i just dont want to have the job conversation anymore. Why is it so easy for some. Why cant someone help me... I have tried everything but it still to no avail. I want to runaway from this place and start somewhere else. I am well educated (i have a degree and diploma) but cant even get a 'Woolies"type job and I dont know why. Im a good honest person but I now dont even believe that. This misery is affecting everything. i am snarky and bitter and get cranky at my kids too easy. I hate it. I am scared my kids see me fail and I hate it.I just dont know what to do anymore. Thanx for reading.