dear Helen, when we depression we always tend to self analyse , and there's nothing wrong with doing this to certain extent, however when we are at our lowest point it can lead to all sorts of misdiagnosis, because there maybe some small issue that we may have or tend to lean towards, so we then build on this problem, and make it become a huge problem, when in fact it's not why we are depressed.
It is true that we do have ' sheer frustration of not getting better', as many people do say that there is light at the end of the tunnel, which I also say, but when you are completely disillusioned and down with depression you never believe this to be true, it seems to be impossible.
You do seem to be not better off at the moment, and this is a concern for us, but maybe I would suggest that your doctor review your medication, because there's no point in taking any medication that is not working, however can I point out to you that the AD I am now taking didn't have any affect with me for a long time, but my psychologist who was also a GP wanted me to stay on it, and as strange as it is this AD is keeping me from away from depression, so it's catch 22.
I would however ask him/her to think about changing it, maybe from a SSRI to a SNRI, or vice-versa.
I have always wanted to climb the stairs at the Eiffel Tower, but this is impossible because hip wouldn't get to the second stairway, so my expectations are way beyond what I can do, and this isn't to say to you that your expectation are unreasonable, because everyone wants to overcome their depression, and thankfully it has for me, after such long battle just like you are going through.
So your want is only fair and I feel so sorry for you having to struggle like for so long. L Geoff. x
