Am I depressed? at what level?

[Bluedaze]

Hi all, just joined BB.

I have only just recently become aware that I may have depression, still cant believe it.

I always thought I was just lazy or unfit. Been like this since a teen (40 yrs ago).  What has made me concerned is it's getting more frequent and starting to effect my work.   So.. here is an example - weekend.

I work all week 6 days, hanging out waiting for my 1 day off.   I have so many things I want to do or continue with, my Sunday comes and I will just sit in a spare room or on couch and spare for hours at a blank wall.    Usually I sort of come out of it at the end, to get some things done but day is pretty much trashed.  Doesn't happen always but having more.

I seem kind of paralyzed, not tired but not energized either, stuck in a mundane limbo.  Don't what to more or do anything.

Not even sure what triggers it, lately no specific reason or event.

There a pile of other stuff also.. (later).

I got a 36 on the K9 test also just before (was trying to be upbeat also but honest).

So, I guess I may be depressed, what level or type would I be?

Haven't seen /seeking any help yet, not sure I want to yet (more questions 1st), only did a on-line session earlier with an agent.  Was really helpful, for a moment I felt like I was actually worth something.

Could tell you more about my self but really don't want to bore anyone.

Thanks for reading  🙂

[SubduedBlues]

On this forum, no one is going to get bored reading about how you got to where you are. Welcome to the BB forums Bluedaze, if you are seeking information about Depression or support in helping you live it, you're definitely come to the right place.

Being that you are reaching out for help is definitely a good step in the right direction. Even if your  Black Dog is no bigger a tea-cup Chihuahua it's bark can still bugger up your life. May I suggest that you book a session with your local GP, get a referral into a psychologist for some evaluation sessions. I think it's better to either tame that puppy or rule out the concern before you have a full grown Black Dog on your hands.

If I've misunderstood something, please feel free to elaborate and continue your story. I'd be interested to hear more.

D'

[Snoman]

Hi Bluedaze,

From what you have described, I would agree with D'jected - go and see your GP.  If you don't think your GP would be too understanding, or you are not too comfortable with them, use the links at the top of this website to find a GP in your area that has an interest in mental health.

Incidentally, your K10 score was higher than mine.  I went to my GP and she suggested I take medication, which I am grateful I did.  It does take around 4 weeks before you can expect to see an improvement.  Those first weeks you may feel worse and have more disturbing thoughts.  You would then need a follow up session with the GP to assess if those meds are the right ones for you.

The GP can also put you on a "Mental Health Plan" which entitles you to 10 sessions per year with a psych, funded by medicare.  Again, I am grateful for those sessions with my psychologist.  I feel that the two-pronged approach helped me to get better quicker.

It is a tough and bumpy road, but the sooner you start, the sooner you get better.

Sno

[geoff]

dear Bluedaze, thanks for coming to the site, you are very much welcome on board.

I agree with D' you really must go and see your doctor without hesitation of being afraid, they are there to help you.

What worries me now is that this illness may start to affect your work, because working 6 days is pretty intense, and then to come home and sit in a chair uninterested in anything, is definitely a bad sign that depression is hovering around, and perhaps has been for 40 odd years.

We don't know why we sustain this illness, although there are times when we have lost a love one or maybe a loved pet that starts off the decline into depression, and it happens very quickly, which means that our life has now changed and we begin to struggle.

We can't really tell to what degree of depression you presently have, but that doesn't matter really, because depression is depression.

If you had a successful on-line session that's terrific, but what this means is that someone can relate back to you on how you are feeling, and this wouldn't happen if you didn't have any problems, but as you do, means that you would be wise to seek professional help from your doctor, who will be able to put you on a 10 free visits to see a psychologist or psychiatrist, and the latter can only prescribe medication for you.

Just a couple of questions, sorry, are you married and do you have children.

It would be great to get back to us. Geoff.

[Bluedaze]

Wow, I'm truly humbled that you and so many others replied, thank you.  Thanks you all for caring.

Kids: none

Friends: none

Wife:  In status only (no sexual or loving relationship)

Other... {you guessed it}

I suppose in all of my life, I have just accepted that I was who I was, inferior, unworthy, not welcome, worthless, odd, bad nerves etc etc.. and simply lived with it. So I'm just used to it, I'm like a frog, just accepts the fact that he's green & ugly.

So I've gone though life "life" acting out my script (whatever that script suposted to be), but I have always felt like a criminal just out tiring to fit in.   Again this is my natural habitat.  Really!

I've done a lot of self diag & psychology over the years & I believe I've nailed the when's, hows & whys of it all.

The therapist? If I go, I just feel sorry for the them having to listen for hours while I unpack 45 years of baggage. 

Still, maybe I could have a better quality of life, just a few years will do me.

* Also, I feel for the many other poor soles on this forum, I hope you recover, get well, reclaim your spirit and find your path.

"Patience young Jedi, the dark force defeat we soon will" - Yoda

[Bluedaze]

I just had to write this, (case anyone is still interested).

Something has happened since that 1st on-line session on Thurs with agent, during this I crumbled & fell apart, I was a mess.  Then when I posted here on that night and to read the kind replies yesterday was a bit overwhelming I guess.

So driving in to my afternoon shift as I usually do, was half way there, my head all over the place, suddenly a beautiful Alton John song came on the radio.  I just crumbled at that point & fell to pieces.  Had to stop at a park for an hour.  I couldn't go in to the work.

This REALLY on not like me and I rarely take a day off,  so came home, had a sleep, wasn't tired but really slept.

So thing morning I felt drained but liberated & "cleansed".  Today is definitely a up day, in fact I'm hyper.

And one last thing, I probably suddenly will write something spontaneous & funny, bizarre, that simply the other half of me fighting I guess??  (balance, chaos vs order etc) So don't take it the wrong way.   *** Also:  if there IS something obnoxious or irritating about me of my personality (or the frail shadow of it), PLEASE tell me, it may be a punch bit I hit myself much much harder.  Just need to know what I'm doing wrong.

[Snoman]

Hey Bluedaze,

Really glad to see you had an up day.  Nice to hear you sounding up.  Hope those days hang around.

How did your weekend go?  Did you end up staring at the wall again, or were you able to do more?

Did your wife notice your up day(s)?  Did she comment?  Should I ask more questions?

And I like your quirky style.  Funny and bizarre is definitely welcome here.

Sno

[Bluedaze]

Hi Sno

Weekend was good, but I've been in a hole, pretty deep one actually last 2 days. Not really wall starting but difficult to get much done.  Work also.

I'm just so glad someone has replied to my post, I thought I had out-stayed my welcome here, said something wrong in a previous post. in only 2 posts, (would have been a record for me).

No wife didn't notice anything or comment.  * Please note I do care for her very much and we are still (at least) really good buddies.

Anyhow, you can ask anything, I also have many questions.

Thanks again, hope you & others find time to reply, (just 2 or 3 words even).

Cheers.

[Snoman]

My three words 😉

[Snoman]

Seriously, not so good to hear you have had some tough days again.

Please ring up your GP (or find one from the links above) and make an appointment.  This is hard, but you need to.  Post back when you have done that.  No pressure (actually a little pressure).

Sno