Am I an alcoholic

[TRS91]

I used this forum many years ago when I lost my father to suicide. Having people share and connect to my similar circumstance saved me.

here I am years later… married.. kids…

I am struggling being sober.

I love drinking alone. Drinking by when the kids at asleep. It’s not necessarily social. 

i just don’t know where to start 

[Croix]

Dear TRS91~

Welcome back to the forum. I remember when you would start drinking and eat junk food. As that time you put it down to post natal depression or anxiety. Now you no longer mention the junk food and chocolate:)

While I"m sure there is no time limit for post-natal matters it might be a mistake just to assume. You did mention at the time you were on  medication but it was not really helping.

Perhps it might be an idea to be re-diagnosed as to the cause of your using alcohol. You do relish being alone after the kids are in bed, maybe that has somethng to do with it

I'm sure I do not need to emphasize the problems of alcohol, addiction, bodily harm, the  inability to meet a crisis when you are under the influence -may not even drive someone to hospital.. It happens.

So if you want to stop (yes that's the biggie as while you are getting on OK it seems attractive) then the stages are reasonably standard - after all it is a well known problem, you are far from alone. Very many end up no longer relying on it.

If your body has developed a reliance then detox is the fist stage, then counceling and maybe talk therapy by a professional who specializes in this and may prescribe something to make drinking physically less attractive. If by then you have stopped group support can be a tremendous help. All that's left is a plan when drink seems too attractive and you are about to give in.

Maybe you will give in sometimes, not a disaster, like all addictions there can be mis-steps along the way. Encouragement is then most needed.

Alcohol in excess is a means of coping. That talk therapy may or may not find the basic thing you are coping with , however it stands a good chance of getting you into the habit of another coping mechanism that is not harmful.

I know, I've given a lecture, my apologies. Your situation is understandable and not uncommon. I hope you can find a way to take those steps.

You can come back and talk anytime, you will be welcome

Croix

[therising]

Hi TRS91

As a gal who went from being an emotional drinker to becoming an emotional eater, I can relate to how certain things can lead us to feel in different ways. While I consider dopamine and all the kinds of chemistry that lead us to experience a sense of comfort, joy, excitement etc, I much prefer to consider things from a natural perspective in some cases. 

From chemical energy in motion to natural energy in motion, either way it's energy in motion (e-motion) that we can feel. I've found the question becomes 'If I could label this energy I can sense or am longing to sense, what would I call it?'. Peace? Excitement/hyperactivity? Joy? Bliss? Relief? Fulfillment? The list goes on. Then there's the volume dial when it comes to emotion. From some sense of fulfillment all the way through to a pure, absolute and complete sense of fulfillment. To feel mentally fulfilled is one thing. To feel physically fulfilled is another. From my own experience, nothing beats feeling a soulful sense of fulfillment, something that just lights you up in every way. 

I think whether we're drinking to feel what we want to sense or eating to feel it, the question becomes 'Why can't I feel it without those things?'. It can point to there being something missing. What we can be left feeling is the absence of that something. While there is the psychology of addiction and the biology of addiction, I'd say naturally I used to drink and currently eat based on being addicted to not wanting to feel the absence of what I long for. I hope that makes sense. I think the feelings we gain and sense when drinking/eating can point to what's missing. If I didn't experience joy, peace and relief through eating absolute rubbish, I'd be forced to find joy, peace and relief in the things that are actually good for me. This year is about looking for such things.

What emotion/s do you enjoy feeling through drinking? Perhaps, at the end of the day, a sense of peace (aka 'the absence of conflict').

[Daydreamer70]

Hi there TRS91, 

Its so nice to hear that you have found this forum to be a valuable and safe space for you to connect. I feel the same and reading other peoples experiences/sharing your own can be life changing. 

Loosing someone to suicide is one of the most heartbreaking and painful experiences to go through, I can speak from experience and altough i was too young at the time to understand the gravity of it, the people are me were significantly impacted and it took a huge toll emotionally. I think when big events like this happen it is common to turn to things like food and substances to mask the intensity of these feelings. I have struggled myself with binge/restrictive eating as a way to deal with big emotions. For me one of the things that helped stop the cycle was to recognise my triggers. I asked myself what emotions/physical sensations lay behind the urge to binge. I tried to be more curious towards the feeling. Another thing that helped me was speaking to a counsellor. Someone completely seperate from my life who could give me an unbiased perspective on my situation. I would often feel like a burden speaking to family and friends about my own struggles, so having a edicaed person/time every couple of weeks to speak to helped me tremendously. I can now confidently say I dont struggle nearly as much with feeling out of control with food and my emotions. 

I think the same could be beneficial for you and your relationship to alcohol. You are not alone in your experience and there is so much help to access. Try speaking with your GP about possibly seeking someone like a psych or counsellor about the feelings you are experiencing. 

Keep us updated on how you go, we are always here to listen on the forum.