All-consuming guilt

[Bec2014]

I am struggling with an overwhelming feeling of guilt. I feel sad for my husband for having a wife with mental struggles, and I feel sorry for my baby girl that she has me as her mum. Today I also got dates mixed up for a new friend’s birthday celebrations so I missed the party and feel so awful. I am always in a state of feeling like a pain/nuisance/burden/inadequate.

Are there any other people out there who feel this same way regularly? What steps to you take to feel differently? I’m currently seeing a psych every two weeks but when I experience bad periods in between, it’s hard to cope.

[quirkywords]

Bec

Your Title of your thread caught my eye, All consuming guilt, I used to call myself the queen of guilt, and learning how to cope with overwhelming guilt has taken up much of my time in my life.

Welcome to the forum. This place is full of kind, caring and supportive people.

I understand how those emotions of feel inadequate and feeling guilty can take up so much time.

Your husband probably sees you as a very caring partner and a wonderful mum.

Your baby girl is fortunate that she has a mum who cares so much.

It is good you are getting help and seeing a pysch every two weeks.

What does your husband say to you when you tell him how guilty you feel or do you keep that yourself.

I have asked people who seem to live guilt free how they do it and they tell me they try to work on one problem at a time that maybe worrying them but they feel guilt is a wasted emotion that does not achieve much/

I used to feel guilty over everything but now I have a few things I feel guilty about so it is more manageable.

Do you know where your feelings of not feeling you are good enough come from?

Thanks again for sharing your story and see if we can start working on our guilty feelings one issue at a time.

Quirky

[PandorasLocksmith]

Hi Bec,

it rings so familiar what you wrote about feeling guilt and feeling like you're a burden and nuisance and a pain and inadequate.

Depression has an insidious ability to make us feel All of these. Which makes it more difficult to reach out and say how we feel and get support.

As someone who's dealt with depression for long enough to relate to how you are feeling, I also know what it's like to have depressed people around me. I guarantee I never ever feel like they're a burden or a pain. Luckily other people don't mirror these feelings about you back to you. People without depression care very much about others who are hurting. People care about you and what you're going through.

Thinking of you. Wishing you abundant gentleness.

When I feel like an awful burden it helps to remind myself that's the voice of depression, not the voice of the people around me who care about people

Feeling like a burden or a pain goes away as your depression gets better. It will happen eventually.

Hold on until then and keep reaching out for help. Let your psych know when it gets too difficult to wait two weeks between appointments. Keep writing to us here. We are here to listen and we care about you.

You are worthy and valuable and irreplaceable. You matter and your journey matters.

Caring very much, from Pandora's Locksmith.

[Bec2014]

Hi Quirky,

Thanks so much for taking the time to respond, and for sharing your own experiences. It is always so reassuring to know that you aren’t alone, isn’t it?

I can’t pinpoint exactly when I started feeling so guilty, I think it’s just spiraled as my depression became more intense. The trick is in brain-training, hence why the regular psych appointments are helping - it’s always nice to have that reminder to keep going.

I’ve really found the ‘workout’ analogy helpful. When we work out, our muscles grow stronger and physical challenges get easier. It’s the same with our brain wiring, really! It takes regular practice to make thinking a certain way become habit. It’s such a hard-going sometimes, and I do have instances like the one above where it still becomes all-consuming and horrid.

Practice makes perfect, and you sharing your own experience is so encouraging, so thank you 🙂

Sending all the good vibes your way,

Bec

[Bec2014]

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond and share your own experience, especially from the other perspective. It helps so much to be reminded that how I think at times such as this is simply not how things are!

absolutely agree with your point about these feelings eventually going away - or, at least, keeping quiet! These forums and the online chat here is such an invaluable source of support and encouragement and a great way to learn techniques for those ‘out of hours’ times when you can’t speak to your regular psych (I find most of the time these feelings hit me at night).

Once again thanks so much for sharing your story and for such kind encouragement, it means the world.

wishing you a wonderful week ahead,

Bec

[Bec2014]

Just thought I’d touch base again as I’ve had another slump and feeling incredibly low - but coming back on here to re-read encouraging messages of support and techniques to help combat these thoughts is very helpful.

[quirkywords]

Bev,

You are most welcome to post here as much as you like. this is your thread.

Thanks so much for telling us how the messages and the techniques suggested here helped you.

Some people cut and paste some of the he,Paul comments and out the. On a fridge or ina journal so they can see them easily.

It is always disappointing just when we feel ok we find ourselves in a slump but knowing we have found our way out before and will again by using techniques is reassuring.

Sometimes we need to keep practising techniques till they work for us and sometimes we need to change things to help us. I find doing a sort of mindful by concentrating on mopping the floor or by putting books into alphabetical order helps me to be in the moment rather than thinking about negative thoughts.

Quirky

[Kathleen_]

I feel the same. I have a husband and 4 kids, I feel so inadequate, they deserve more than I. I constantly tell myself I will be better for them and I ALWAYS fail. I don’t know what to do to feel enough. A lot of the time I become so defeated I am sure they are better off without me