A heart under lock and key

[Lonelyandconfused]

Hi folks

I've never been able to be 100% honest about my feelings. I was very shy as a child and always too afraid to expose myself. This habit has continued right through to adulthood. I'm extremely introverted and emotionally 'deep' internally, yet externally I put up a facade to 'protect' myself. Because of this facade, I have always found it difficult to build genuine lasting friendships and relationships, yet that is what I crave so much! I am a father of a beautiful son whom I love so much, and our relationship is perfect because my insecurities don't exist with him. I am still physically with his mother however emotionally we are totally disconnected and I feel lonely because of my inability to open up to her. Weve had problems but I accept how my insecurities have contributed here. I work autonomously and have no friends, which in turn contributes to loneliness.

By worrying about what others think of me, I am neglecting my true feelings, and now those truths seem to be suffocating me. I've pushed so much down for so long, it feels like I can't keep a lid on it any more. Because I can't trust people with my truths, I feel like there's no escape. Can anyone relate? Please help.

[Doolhof]

Hi Lonelyandconfused,

Welcome to the community here. I'm wondering if you might find it helpful to talk with a counsellor or therapist of some kind to help you understand your thinking more. If not, then let's consider other options.

I suffer from depression and other mental health issues. As a child it did not seem appropriate to show happiness nor sadness in our home, so being neutral all the time appeared to be the best option. That suffocated me and understanding emotions was difficult.

Recently I Googled EMOTIONS and read information on what emotions were all about and printed out lists so I could read the words and consider what they meant and how I related to them.

Is it possible for you to have a date night with your wife? Go out for dinner or if that is not possible, take her out for a drink/coffee/to the movie or for a drive.

If she asks you what this is all about, tell her you just want to be with her, that you are not always able to express yourself and this is your way of trying to be more connected.

Or say what ever is in your mind at the time.

I don't know if this is any help or not!

We all communicate differently. Maybe not showing your emotions doesn't really matter as long as there is still connection and togetherness.

Cheers from Dools

[rusted_through]

I can certainly relate minus the relationship and family stuff (I'm terminally single). But shy, closed off, never able to open up to anyone, that's me.

I can't really offer any advice. I'm only just starting to fell that I need to do something, always felt that was just who I am. But hey, at least you're not alone in feeling alone.