A Feeling That Feels Like It Will Never Disappear :(

[Ella_Chipchase]

Hello Everyone, 

my name is Ella and on 7th of march 2021 my life forever changed when i realised that my grandfather was grooming me for sex. My dad used to use drugs when i was younger and his parents helped him out alot  he also has a lot of health issues so his mum helped out so when i was around 2 we started to live with them years went by and my dad built them a house as a thank you and as payment we would get to live there, i lived there since i was 7 but 1 day my stupid year 8 ass wanted to fit in and be a rebel at my private school and i wanted vape so i told the one person i knew i could ask and thought i could trust my grandfather He ended up getting it he then asked for my number to "communicate" abt the vape so i gave it to him later after i got it he started texting me about i can pay so i asked how much it n then said no not money and that moment i knew something was up my mum always tried to educate me on the importance of creeps and pedofiles i always had this gut feeling that our relationship was different bc he used to show me things on his ipad like naked girls hes been chatting and weird secrets like how he slept with his wife brothers wife and just random things that u shouldnt tell your 12 year old granddaugter n this was also happening before then like since i was 9 maybe even younger anyway point is i just knew and i said wdym and he said come into my room and wear those special undies cause he had made comments of undies on the clothesline before but i chose to not believe it and think of it bc A) i knew my dad would be homeless b) it would tear apart my family but i spoke up bc it would happen to me again or worst my cousins so i told my dad that night and his first words pack your and get in the car and this is one of many reasons i love my dad because he didnt think twice and he believed me we then told my mum and she was crushed and my bro and i got the day off school and my mum took u shopping whole my dad went to the police bc of covid we had to we had to wait a year for court but earlier after a month he plead guilty but in court he got punished to 3 months of commuity sevice of some kind and had to take manitory therapy sessions cause he called it was a mentalbreak down tf my nan took his side which hurt but still 2 yrs later i still feel bretrayed, empty n like i cant trust anyone, i have trouble sleeping ect

idk how to fix it or help so can someone pls help me idk what to do anymore. 

[Summer Rose]

Hi Ella

I can imagine that it took a lot of courage for you to share your story, and I first want to assure you that you have arrived at a place of kindness and non-judgemental support.

I am very sorry that you experienced such trauma at the hands of your grandfather. No child should have to go through that. Hugs to you.

I think you are an incredibly brave and inspirational young woman for the way you handled things. None of it was your fault and you did exactly the right thing in speaking up.

You are very blessed to have loving and support parents, who understood and accepted your pain and who helped you through the criminal justice system. 
I am very sorry to know that your grandmother stuck by her husband. I’m sure that really hurt. 
I can really empathise with the feelings you’re now experiencing and believe given what you’ve been through they are unfortunately to be expected. I would like to suggest that you seek professional mental health support. It’s really important, sweet girl.

You can do this in a number of ways. You can talk to your GP and obtain a mental health plan and a referral to the right kind of doctor to help you. For example, this might be a clinical psychologist.

You can also look up your closest headspace centre and make an appointment to see someone. Headspace helps young people like you with all sorts of issues and it’s free and confidential. The staff will guide you through the process.

If you have a school counsellor, you could also speak with them. They can provide support and help to ensure that your education is kept on track and that you are supported in school.

Please post here any time. I know this community will stand with you and provide support.

Kind thoughts to you

[Bob_22]

Hi Ella,

Thank you for your bravery. I'm sorry that you had to go through that but I'm glad you are at least out of the situation now. I can't imagine what it was and has been like for you. These sorts of events and relationships can ruin our lives without the proper support. 

I'm sorry your nan took your grandfather's side. I can understand why it would be hard to trust anyone now. Have you let any of your friends or family know how you're feeling? I know high school can already be stressful enough. You could perhaps have a chat with your school counsellor if you feel comfortable enough with them. Unfortunately I don't have much experience with sexual assault and can't really provide much advice/support but there are some great places that do.

As summer rose mentioned, headspace is a great place for support for people your age if you want to talk to someone. They are really easy to access and you can just walk in or call up. You can find your closest centre here: https://headspace.org.au/headspace-centres/ They are all over the country now. I know in NSW, we also have sexual assault services who can assist victims with counselling and support as well. More info here: https://www.health.nsw.gov.au/parvan/sexualassault/Pages/info-sexual-assault-victims.aspx I think headspace would be a good place to start as they can refer you if necessary. 

Hope that helps a bit. Please keep us updated on how you're going. 

Bob