52 years old and going nowhere

[Guest_9871]

Hi, I am new here and thought I needed to talk with someone as I am feeling extremely lost. I am 52, separated for 4 years, just lost my new partner yesterday as she is too busy for me. I am not struggling financially but cannot seem to save or get anywhere in life. Had a house but lost after separation. Now only renting and no lifht at end of tunnel to buy another one. Currently have no interest in anything and I feel like a total failure in life. Not sure what to do.

[randomxx]

Hi there Paul and very sorry about where your at mate. l was there myself 11yrs ago few yrs younger at the time but worse financially bc we came out of selling the house with not much, which l blew my share of in 12mths.

So to me the not struggling financially is a great thing and big to. On that one you can not care for awhile, that's ok.

As l use to say to myself, it's no ones business now l don't to answer to anyone after being married 22 yrs,worrying sick and hoops and getting ahead and a house and the rest. Tbh, l felt to hell with it 22 yrs and this is what l get anyway, stuff it all.

l rented 4yrs or so, never had much money. Later on l decided to try and buy as l sort of felt like it again and l needed to stay near my daughter until she grew up to so whatever l could get into would at least fix my finances when l sold it again.

Been here 8yrs but tbh, l kinda wished l just rented. l don't really care about the money it's been too much stress after marriage divorce and everything we went through.

So just on that one , if you don't feel like it just stay free for awhile l say, who cares.

Now time has past there was someone new for the last 5yrs but tbh she's had troubles and mh issues to from day one and so we've recently just split to now.

And so it's once again with the house, a new separation, the stressors, why did l even bother l could've just rented and still been close to my d and did what l wanted apart from and stuff it all.

So ldk, l suppose l'm saying if you don't feel like anything right now maybe just live for awhile and do whatever you do feel like. Wish l did.

[Guest_9871]

Hey mate, I really appreciate you replying. It means alot. Sorry for your past / present issues as well. I think there are a heck of alot of people worse off than us so I guess we are doing ok in the grand scheme of things. My main frustration is that I have always enjoyed renovating and landscaping our previous houses but now I can't do anything as just renting. Today just really hit home after my split with partner yesterday. I am now back at the start again. Maybe I need to look in other directions as opposed to always worrying about the same things. I am blessed to have 2 awesome daughters and a little grandson so maybe I need to focus more on them. Be nice to have the right partner to do things with though. I am constantly thinking of the whole suicide option but I could never destroy the lives of my family. Therefore I need to find a way through the crap. I do wonder what the point of humanity is sometimes but I guess there is a purpose in there somewhere?

Thanks again and take care.

[Kirstie-G]

Hi there, 

New here too. 

Can't relate personally to a break up like that, I'm 38. But my parents split when I was younger and then my father split from his next wife. 

He would have felt similar, I think. 

He did learn how to live on his own and how to slowly build the things that made him feel good/more himself again. 

I do relate to feeling depressed and like a failure. 

You aren't a failure. You're human. 

It's not your fault things didn't work out, or not solely. It's unfortunately life, it can be harsh and cruel and very unfair. 

But it can also be good. 

I have recently made a type of bucket list for myself. Some of it is stuff that is big stuff (like goals like learning and instrument/how to paint and going on significant holidays etc) but some of it is small stuff. 

I'm glad to hear you aren't struggling financially. 

It means you might be able to invest in you a bit. 

I'm not suggesting going crazy or anything, but find something that you enjoy doing and do that. Them add one more thing. 

Focus on something small. 

I hope you hang in there, please reach out to someone who can help if you think suicide might be an option. 

Life can be better and you can enjoy it again. 

It might always be difficult at times, but it's worth it. 

Take care! 

[randomxx]

Ah mate thanks for that and again so sorry to hear that to but you'll be right hang in. You have your daughters and gk and lots of life to look forward to yet- things can turn in a heart beat in good ways to as ya know.

But right so your missing the house stuff well, fair enough. We'd done a few places to and l did always enjoy it . Could be a nice new direction and focus for ya then maybe. Me l wasn't feeling like it really but for you then if your ok financially maybe you can crack down for a bit get a place somewhere and start that one. l'm actually getting out of this one soon now and l don't wanna bother again then for awhile but if you'd like it it'd be for ya really then.

And agree to it sure would be nice but for you guys just a few days then sorry once again, damn. Must be the water atm for bc us it's only been 3 or 4wks now to and it's not tickling. l had forever hopes with us we both did, persisted and persisted but her stuff is just too much.

Look after yourself hey.

rx

[Guest_9871]

Yeah I will mate, you too. Thanks again!