25 Female: Chronic Depression for over 10 years. Feel Invalidated and mistreated. Tried everything, virtually support systems.

[watabasketcase]

I will try to cut to the chase. I have suffered from pretty bad anxiety and severe depression my whole life. Every year since I was 13 has been a real struggle. I can't actually pinpoint any time from 2010 to now and actually describe sustained feelings of happiness. I was severely bullied in high school and after a long hard think about it, I actually think I have C-PTSD. I was given medication by one psychiatrist for PTSD but then another one said I only have depression, so that made me feel invalidated.

I am at a loss for what to do and I have tried everything:

• Psychology (maybe 5-7 since I was 14) ((Seeing one now and she is the most helpful to keep me alive))
• Psychiatry (Only outpatient, but public/private) - 15 medications tried, every class of anti-depressant, tried off label drugs too, my most recent psychiatrist basically insinuated he doesn't know what to do
• CBT
• Hypnotherapy
• Alternative medicines, naturopathy, vitamins, Chinese medicine
• Group therapy
• Meditation

I have also tried everything practical to improve my situation: Exercise, joining volunteer groups, group therapy etc but it doesn't work or make me feel better. In the last youth group therapy I did, I was given 'wide eyes' for being a virgin, literally. Also balancing all these things to try and make myself 'better' while juggling life chores (work, money) at my age seems impossible while being totally alone with no joy outlet or anyone to really talk to about chronic depression and how it steals your life. (I have no close friends, never had a relationship, sexually inexperienced)

I feel at a total loss because it seems no one has any answers to a depression that stays around for this long for someone my age without another condition/comorbidity present. I think part of my problem is I present as too normal but I'm a broken person inside; very detached. I feel I have fallen through the cracks and I just go through the motions of getting help. (At 24, basically, because I have a uni degree and I work full-time that must mean I'm 'not that bad' so no professional truly takes my issues onboard).

I literally have nothing to lean on. I have no hobbies or goals. I can't use any support chats/or lines without being ''enraged'' because they just tell me to see a psychologist even though I have already explained what I did above. While I understand beyondblue is mainly a referral service, I just mean that's how stuck I feel when I'm low and already doing 'everything' to fix myself.

[Sophie_M]

Hi There
 
We’re sorry that your experience with anxiety and depression has been a real struggle and that it’s been a number of years since you’ve experienced any uninterrupted happiness. What has happiness looked like to you previously? You may not have the answer to this right now but our community is here to help explore ideas and support options that may bring you joy and feelings of wellbeing to your daily life– writing out your thoughts and feelings here can be a helpful start. Thank you for sharing with us.
 
We'd like to acknowledge the number of years you’ve felt invalidated and recognise that your ongoing struggle must require a lot of strength. We hear that you’ve been doing everything you can to seek support and find ways of coping that work for you, which must be very frustrating. The one thing we hope you can lean on at this time is the forums community.

While you’re waiting for a response, we suggest having a look at the different sections of the forums to see if you’re able to connect with others who may share similar experiences. You may also wish to explore the young people section under ‘people like me’ which is an area dedicated to community members aged 12 -25. If things are feeling a bit heavy for you at the moment and you'd find it helpful to socialise and connect with others, the BB Social Zone can be a calming space to visit.
 
If you feel up to it, we’d encourage you to check back in about how you’re going – you’re not alone in this.

[Guest_1643]

Wow.

I hear u and think many of us here will.

Maybe don't call the hotline if they are so narrow minded, or have u tried ever SANE australia? They are sensitive to complex mh.

I don't like dbt or cbt, but have found act to be a helpful therapy model. It's less blaming and harsh.

It sounds from Ur posts that psychiatrists have been imposing things on u that maybe wasn't in a way of informed consent

Have u tried maybe seeing a young psych, they can be more progressive. My psych is my age, and I found as a young woman seeing older male psuchs the gap was so big between us, I just didn't feel heard.

[watabasketcase]

I have seen a young psychiatrist before but unfortunately, it was through the public health system and so he was changed out to someone else pretty quickly.

I am seeing an older person now, first psychiatrist I could see that was taking new patients/didnt have a 6 month wait list.

[watabasketcase]

+

My psychologist is fairly young

[Guest_1643]

Hey there,

I fully get in the public system, not much choice and so hard to change as they often tell us to just deal with whatever we're offered...

Glad the psychologist is youngish..

that's OK if groups aren't for u...I feel for u and it sounds like they push traditional stuff, eg join a group, a club etc, on u...

It's hard to enjoy our own company and not feel lonely when we just want friends...

I don't know if anyone has told u this, but having no relationship or friends can sometimes be better than having toxic relationships or friends...hopefully Ur just choosy and fhe right tribe will enter Ur life at the right time.

Til then I wander if radical acceptance is helpful? It is what it is, for now.