22 year old female student (me) - depressed, anxious & never happy

[Montanna]

Hi all,

Everyday I wake up feeling useless, negative and pointless. I struggle to see the light in my own situations but can so easily help those around me. Not many people know I am depressed because I pretend to be happy around all of those that know me. I am currently on anti-depressants and try to meditate a few times a week. Every time I feel like I am moving forward, something will happen which will bring me down. From the outside, it seems like my life is great. I do have perfect friends, loving parents and a great job. But why am i still depressed? I just need help, well lots of help because I do not want to live my life feeling lonely and rarely happy. My friend committed suicide a few days ago because he was suffering from depression. I know I won't get to this point, but I just want all these bad feelings to stop. It is wasting my time and my life. 

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[Lottie]

Hi Montanna

I can understand what your going through, I'm a student myself and although I've been struggling with depression and anxiety since I was 13, recently since I have started university It has become really bad even though I am getting good marks and I have a friend I have found myself self harming and have tried to kill myself. The thing is, I don't know why I am like this, everything has been going great for me yet I find myself depressed and doing self-destructive things. Sometimes depression doesn't have to to have a trigger, sometimes it can be the result of a lot of built up emotions overtime and it sneaks up on you at anytime, when times are good or bad. Depression is caused by a lot of things, past emotional trauma or a chemical reaction in the brain, some people are more predisposed than others. It takes more than medication to get you through it, you have to push yourself to help yourself, you have to see a psychologist or a counselor at the uni and I also recommend that when you are feeling down to write your thoughts in a diary or notebook and read it back to yourself when you feeling a bit better, that way you can know what you were thinking and what your thought patterns are. I also recommend a healthy diet and exercise and removing as much stress from your life as you possibly can so that you can focus on your mental health.

There are two kinds of depression, long term and short term, long term depression can be there for many years but through proper help, can be manageable, short term depression only lasts for a few months to a year. From what I have read it

seems like you have short term depression, but I could be wrong, which Is why I strongly recommend you see a psychologist or counselor.

Good Luck 🙂

beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

[Jacko777]

Hi Montanna,

I am glad you have posted and I send you love. So sorry to hear about your friend, you can talk to us about him if you want. Obviously you would feel upset right now and I hope that you have the space to grieve.

It's great that you meditate, I hope we can talk more about this later. Have you asked your Doc why you are still depressed even though you are taking medication? Perhaps you might be able to find a better anti depressant. 

It helps me to practice gratitude and I recommend a daily intake! I practice being thankful for everything in my life, family, home, job, nature ,spirituality, I give these things love because I am so fortunate to take part. 

It is because you ARE moving forward that something will happen. If you were not moving forward nothing would happen! We get knocked over, then we can choose when to get back up. Some times it takes longer than other times. Self affirmations can be very useful, you could be telling yourself positive affirmations, when you wake up,... your life is full of love and beauty, you can help those around you, you are committed to your journey...etc

I think you need to check the meds you are on and/or revive your passions. Hang in there Montanna, i think you can make this better.

[White_Rose]

Hello Montana

Great to hear from you. So sorry about your friend and his/her sadness. I notice you said you would not do the same thing and I am very glad about that. So count that as a positive as Jacko has commented. (By the way Jacko, I seem to be following you around tonight. How are you going?).

I think situations like that of your friend bring us up short and we start to look at our own lives in more detail. Like you I find that just as I appear to move forward something comes out of left field and knocks me over again. I had not thought of it the way Jacko has commented but it does make sense. If you are making progress and getting through some parts of your depression, other bits that have not had room to rear their heads suddenly get some air time. I will remember that next time I get down. It would be good if you also did that.

Do you see a psychologist or psychiatrist at all? It's probably a good idea and I'm sure there are psychologists available at your uni. Give it a go and give yourself the best chance to get well.

Let us know how you are going.

Mary

[geoff]

dear Montanna, welcome to the site.

Firstly can I say that when someone posts a comment like you have it then opens the door for other people to jump on board, so in a way it's good, but then when you look at what you have to say, it's sad that you have to try and deal with this illness.

Can I just mention that you are doing all the right things, but this doesn't mean that naturally it's going to stop your depression straight away, because it's such a stubborn disease to overcome.

All these people you are helping won't in turn help you, but it's so lovely of you to offer support, but unfortunately when they know that you are suffering they will disappear, so try and cut back, because now it's all about you, you are the one who needs help.

When we feel as though, 'yeh had a good day' but then fall backwards, this will happen, because it still clings on as long as it can, but the one day turns into 2 or maybe 3 days, but I would suggest that you have your meds reviewed or maybe they may need to be increased, but please try and slow down on how many people you help.

Take care and please get back to us. Geoff. x