Worst Joke Wednesday

[Neil_1]

Hi all

I know a while back there was a thread with some jokes on it - just to try and lighten the load for folk and to provide a few jolly japes and spiffy spifferoons (those words etched in my memory bank from the late and great Kenny Everitt).  However, I was far to lazy to try and find the other thread, so thought I'd start up a new one WJW.

Here we go people, something to start you off with:

"When I was a small boy, I had a dog named Tax.  I'd open the door and "Income Tax""

"That very same year, I had a bird called Enza.  I'd open the window and "Influenza"

Now, they can't be done on any other day - for it is after all, Worst Joke Wednesday.

See if you can beat either of those?

[Guest9337]

I would have put a smiley face on that joke post Croix.

Instead I have to type a post. Funny and useful post, thanks.

[Guest9337]

The publisher and their lawyer sit in their expensively tailored fashionable clothing holding paper in their beautifully manicured and beringed fingers, looks over the disheveled, malnourished and poverty stricken author, silently sizing up the authors survival needs.

The publisher says, 'This is absolute rubbish, 500 words of totally useless garbage, however just to help you out, we want to publish it and own the copyrights forever, I'll give you one meal in payment if you sign right here."

The lawyer hands over the 20 page document to the author and indicates they need to sign every page and that the conditions in the document may change without notice.

The author signs using the lawyers gold fountain pen, and carefully following the nice directions generously given by the lawyer, and receives their cucumber sandwich in payment for their authoring.

[Guest9337]

I am all set up for a night in the dog house, having been kicked out of wife n my bedroom.

I have a blanket over my legs and am dressed in bed clothes, but I am on the phone to a friend.

I lament to my telephone friend,

"I meant to say "Good night darling", but it came out as "You're destroying my will to live, you needy micromanaging parasite.""

And that's why I'm in the dog house.

[Guest9337]

I wish everything was as easy as getting obese.

[Guest9337]

I'm laughing at myself here, so please I apologise, but this is funny to me.

I look over the thread title "If you could describe your anxiety in one word, what would it be?"

And through my mind goes something like this...

Anxiety in one word, yeh like I can do that, but right now I'm way past that and wanna write heaps of things about my experiences with anxiety, because u k anxiety is right there in my foreground lately these days since the 10/6, and anxiety is also in the background suppressed for decades and im thinking, can I shove all these thoughts and feelings and reactions about the stimulus of one worded anxiety down down into one word... yeh I can do that I finally realise, but it's totally useless and I'll show you why.

Boiled all the way down the single word is : Anxiety.

[Ggrand]

Hello Everyone....

Did you hear the story about the claustrophobic astronaut?

He just needed some space.

[eight]

when i stop people-pleasing its over for you all but only if you want, no worries if not!

[Ggrand]

Hello Everyone...

Who can drink 2 litres of gasoline?..

Jerry Can....😂😂😂

[Croix]

Following on from Grandy...

What has 10 letters and starts with Gas?

▼

Automobile!

[Guest9337]

Two mafia hit men walk into a creepy dark forest at night.

One says "Man this is one scary forest. I'm a touch scared."

The other says, "You're scared, how do you think I'll be walking out alone."