Worst Joke Wednesday

[Neil_1]

Hi all

I know a while back there was a thread with some jokes on it - just to try and lighten the load for folk and to provide a few jolly japes and spiffy spifferoons (those words etched in my memory bank from the late and great Kenny Everitt).  However, I was far to lazy to try and find the other thread, so thought I'd start up a new one WJW.

Here we go people, something to start you off with:

"When I was a small boy, I had a dog named Tax.  I'd open the door and "Income Tax""

"That very same year, I had a bird called Enza.  I'd open the window and "Influenza"

Now, they can't be done on any other day - for it is after all, Worst Joke Wednesday.

See if you can beat either of those?

[Croix]

The Boston Zoo had a large problem.

The Boston Zoo had a very large problem. Their most popular attraction, a gorilla named Jamie, had died unexpectedly in the night. Ticket sales were projected to plummet if this gorilla couldn’t be seen, so the zoo manager decided to hire a man to dress up in a gorilla costume and pretend to be Jamie.

The manager finds a man suitable for the job and tells him,

“All you’ve got to do is swing around and lay down for 12 hours a day. Act just as any gorilla would”

The man agrees, puts on the costume, and heads into his enclosure.

When the zoo opens, people rush to see the legendary Jamie the Gorilla. The man, though nervous at first, starts to walk around like a gorilla normally would. The observers smile at his actions so he decides to kick it up a notch.

The man grabs hold of a vine and begins to swing from one side of his enclosure to the other. The crowd shows admiration, laughing and pointing at his acrobatic skills.

The man decides to take things even further and does a backflip off of the vine onto a high tree branch. The crowd erupts with applause, chanting “Jamie! Jamie! Jamie!” at the top of their lungs.

The man decides he will do one final stunt. He climbs up onto the vine and builds up some momentum, however as he begins to reach a fast speed, his hand slips and he flies over a wall right into the lion enclosure!

Panicking, the man begins to scream,

“Help me! I’m not actually a gorilla, please someone help!”

The lion snarls and pounces on the man and says

“Hey man, shut your mouth or we’re both gonna lose our jobs!”

[Croix]

OK, so I"m late ...

What do you call a fake opera singer?

Placebo Domingo

[Eagle Ray]

What do you call a building that houses the history of bovines?

A moo-seum

[Croix]

A young artist exhibits his work for the first time...

... and a well known art critic is in attendance.

The critic says to the young artist, "would you like my opinion on your work?"
"Yes, " says the artist.
"It's worthless," says the critic
The artist replies, "I know, but tell me anyway."

[Eagle Ray]

Why was the mint where money made illogical?

Because it didn't make cents (sense).

[sbella02]

Another finance related joke:

What do you call a bookkeeping vampire? Accountant Dracula. 

[Eagle Ray]

What did the digital camera say to the film camera?

You’re too negative 🎞️ 

[Croix]

I was given a very expensive looking camera as a gift today.
They were foreign tourists, so I didn't understand the rest, but it was still a nice gesture.

[Croix]

My new car has a reverse camera.

It’s awesome. Since I got it, I haven’t looked back.

[Eagle Ray]

What kind of fruit loves listening to AC/DC?

A rockmelon