Worst Joke Wednesday

[Neil_1]

Hi all

I know a while back there was a thread with some jokes on it - just to try and lighten the load for folk and to provide a few jolly japes and spiffy spifferoons (those words etched in my memory bank from the late and great Kenny Everitt).  However, I was far to lazy to try and find the other thread, so thought I'd start up a new one WJW.

Here we go people, something to start you off with:

"When I was a small boy, I had a dog named Tax.  I'd open the door and "Income Tax""

"That very same year, I had a bird called Enza.  I'd open the window and "Influenza"

Now, they can't be done on any other day - for it is after all, Worst Joke Wednesday.

See if you can beat either of those?

[tranzcrybe]

I think you're a bit confused, my dear Croix -
It should be a parliament of owls WHO...
and clearly the EYES have it in this instance!
But then again, if horses are silly enough to eat ducks, they deserve all they get...

[quirkywords]

Actually writing this on a Wednesday.

this is an oldie but a goodie, I had it on. T shirt.

Never trust atoms. They make up everything.

one more

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.

[Guest9337]

We have paid $10000 aud to see the following comedic act, we booked a full day off work, we told all our friends we are unavailable that day and we arrived early to beat the crowds of people lining up to hear this comedic act.

The crowd is hushed, we are jammed in, packed in like sardines. The air is charged with buzz and excitement and anticipation.

The lights dim and up on the stage the comedian walks over, enthusing amusement, it's funny just seeing this arrival.

The comedian grabs the microphone off the stand, flicks the switch, taps it to make sure it's working. People laugh at the little bit of feedback.

"Hello, hello, 1, 2, 3, can you hear me alright?"

The crowd laughs, "yes, we can hear you" one heckler shouts out impulsively.

I am watching the comedian but > I am that comedian now...

Knock knock.

[Croix]

1) Dear Zaphod

I'm afraid an awful lot goes over a walrus' head, could you explain your comedian joke?

2) Dear Quirky who I hope can hear from a mile away in purloined shoes this is for you:

“The rain it raineth on the just
And also on the unjust fella;
But chiefly on the just, because
The unjust hath the just’s umbrella.”

[Ggrand]

Hello everyone.....🤗...

Why did the weatherman take leave from work after breaking both arms and both legs? He was having trouble working with the four casts.

[Whippet24]

One of my favourites:

RIP boiled water. You will be mist.

[tranzcrybe]

Yes, I was there at the funeral - 'Steams like only yesterday...

[Not_Batman]

When the temperature dropped, the mercury said “Im at a real low point in my life”

[tranzcrybe]

Well, you know what they say -

"every silver has a cloudy lining"

[Croix]

Um ..

Every cloud has a silver lining...
... unless it's a mushroom cloud. Then it's likely strontium.