Worst Joke Wednesday

[Neil_1]

Hi all

I know a while back there was a thread with some jokes on it - just to try and lighten the load for folk and to provide a few jolly japes and spiffy spifferoons (those words etched in my memory bank from the late and great Kenny Everitt).  However, I was far to lazy to try and find the other thread, so thought I'd start up a new one WJW.

Here we go people, something to start you off with:

"When I was a small boy, I had a dog named Tax.  I'd open the door and "Income Tax""

"That very same year, I had a bird called Enza.  I'd open the window and "Influenza"

Now, they can't be done on any other day - for it is after all, Worst Joke Wednesday.

See if you can beat either of those?

[Fiatlux]

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Are you shitting me?

[Fiatlux]

Another silly one that came to mind…

OFFICER: Driver, I need to see your drivers license 

DRIVER: Don’t you know who I am? 
OFFICER: No, I don’t know who you are 

DRIVER: Do you who my father is?
OFFICER: No. Hasn’t your mother ever told you?

[Croix]

A cement mixer collided with a prison van.

Motorists are asked to be on the look-out for 16 hardened criminals.

[Croix]

For some time, my wife’s had this ridiculous idea that I’m playing too much golf.
Actually, it came to a head at about 11.30 last night.
She suddenly shouted at me: ‘Golf, golf, golf. All you ever think about is bloody golf!’ And I’ll be honest, it frightened the life out of me.
I mean, you don’t expect to meet somebody on the 14th green at that time of night

[sbella02]

Why do golfers always carry a spare pair of trousers with them? In case they get a hole in one.

[Croix]

Why do golfers hate cake

-because they always get slices

[Ggrand]

I go fishing a lot, and usually use licorice for bait, a guy asked me what I catch....

told him Allsorts

[Eagle Ray]

I didn't invent this one, I heard it earlier today.

Why did the coffee maker get fired?

Because he kept turning up to work in a tea-shirt.

[sbella02]

Saw this one on Instagram today:

What rock group has four men in it that don't sing?

Mount Rushmore

[Croix]

If you ask me what my favorite rock band is and I'm being subjective, I'd say The Who.
If I was being objective, I'd say it was The Whom.