Have you ever felt this way?

[the_motorcycle_boy]

"Well, oh well I feel I'm in decay"

The first line of a popular Midnight Oil song and I think a description most apt, for some people experiencing depression.

Have you ever felt this way?

One of the biggest dilemmas I've faced in "depressive-illness land" is the one of being alone and having no viable means of changing that fact...let me explain...

My depression causes me to be apart. I feel different from others. I find it very hard to mix with people who are "alive and well". So, I remain alone bundled up in a safe but miserable cocoon.

Have you ever felt this way?

I know what I need. I can feel the loneliness, an ache inside. In my mind's eye I see a ghostly parade of familiar faces, old friends, all gone now. Still, I need people, people to talk to, to communicate with, maybe God permit, a laugh!

Have you ever felt this way?

But I can't escape what I'm in, so I must wait for it to pass...weeks...months...years.

I'm reminded of a quote by Charles Bukowski regarding his drinking/literary lifestyle. I think it fits depression too.

"And as my hands drop a last desperate pen, in some cheap room, they will find me there and never know my name, my meaning nor the treasure of my escape".

[the_motorcycle_boy]

Hi Indra,  So sorry to hear your terrible news. Hang in there mate. Thinking of you. Ring Beyond Blue if you need to. Keep in touch, I can reply, as you can see, didn't realize. Hope to hear from you soon! Try to keep your chin up. I know it's not easy. BB cares about you, TMB does too. Take care and all the best. Really looking forward to hearing from you. (Big cyber hug).  Your good friend TMB

[Indra]

TMB,

Thank you for being a good friend to me - it was the second time I have cried reading your message. It is a great help to me that on here people having been showing me that they care. It means a lot to me to know this. It was a long night. I had to break it to my little man this morning and he was really sad. Today will be a day of distraction - I have been keeping it together for him. 

I hate myself for having to have my boys deal with someone deserting us  twice in two years. Me, I am only hurt by the lack of honesty. By the looks he has moved on already, it will be done when he collects his belongings. I was surprised that my sister has been a little supportive and wasn't surprised at my mother's response. 

Things will be tough for awhile, but I am trying to regroup and from some advice on here will try and move forward the best I can.

It's sad when you think that you thought you knew someone and it turns out that you never knew them at all.

Thanks for the cyber hug - it was needed.

Friendship matters,

Indra x

[vicman]

Hi, great question, and the answer from me is a big YES. I have for as long as I can remember been a bit of a loner; that is to say I enjoyed there company of my wife and kids and that was all I ever needed. I had very few friends and didn’t really enjoy the company of extended family. When my marriage came crashing down and all the kids did a runner I felt very lonely, my solution was to go to public places and enjoy the people around me. I still after all these years find that is my best way of getting “companionship”. I talk to whomever I choose if and when the situation arises and also have the choice of not talking to anybody. I hate clubs and social events where I’m expected to mix; give me a beach or shopping centre anytime. Each to their own of cause, if you need more than I do try joining a group of people that share an interest like cooking, dancing or photography.

[the_motorcycle_boy]

Hi Indra, hope you and kids are going well. I am good. Write back when and if it suits you. Am concerned about you and your situation. Can't write much. All the best, TMB  Stay strong!

[Mz13114]

Hi TMB,

Thanks for the encouragement. I have been struggling with a bit of inertia today and yesterday. Finally heard from my daughter and am relieved that she is taking things seriously and getting some good help. Even my partner has noticed a change with me and of course I get fearful and worry myself into doing nothing for a bit.

So far I've done well with school and I hopefully have a job soon. So many things are changing after isolating for so long. It's so tempting sometimes to slink back to my solitude. My son's partner has been a real inspiration for me and she has helped me more than she will ever know.

Looking forward to getting my tatt. Still working on what I want but getting there. Thanks for being here.

Mz,

[Indra]

Hi TMB,

Trying to stay strong - today has not been an easy one. My little Jack bear was feeling it and expressing himself - hard on a 4 year old and I haven't even begun how to think of dealing with my older son when gets home. 

I feel bad for interrupting your weekend - but thankyou. 

I know time will make it easier and I am trying to switch off from thinking about it.  Night time is always hard - you are more alone with your thoughts then. I think I'll try and zone out with a movie or 3 and try and force myself to eat something. 

Take care and hope you enjoy your time away.

Indra

[the_motorcycle_boy]

Hi Indra, Hope it goes well with your two sons. No, you haven't interrupted me at all, truly! Yeah, blitz out those empty nightimes with a movie, even dust off Holy Grail!? Please try to eat, if possible. Maybe yoghurt as it's easy to stomach and it's nutritious. How's your sleep going? Get some tonight. Am enjoying hol, nice drive in the countryside. All the best Mon Ami  TMB

[the_motorcycle_boy]

Hi vicman and Mz, hope you are both well. Thanks for your posts. Will respond in a few days. Take care and all the best. TMB

[Indra]

Hi TMB,

Thanks for checking in - sleep is eluding me at the moment and starting to develop a lovely shade of raccoon. 

I ended up watching XMen origins - Wolverine and the Game of Thrones - wasn't really up for light hearted stuff.

Ended up with good old reliable toast - unfortunately I can't have a lot of dairy - so it was something. I have a weekend off in a fortnight, which I am not actually looking forward to now. A drive actually sounds like a good idea. At least I can sing without hurting any body's ears.

Mein freund safe travels to you

Indra 

[the_motorcycle_boy]

Hi Indra,  Thanks a lot for y