CHRISTMAS 2018/NEW YEARS Chillout Lounge

[kanga_brumby]

Hey Everybody! Christmas is the time of year to enjoy & share with family & friends. Some people will spend this time alone & isolated too!
This is a safe place where people can post and say hello, chat or send wishes to others and have a 'Virtual Christmas/New Years'!
Whether you have plans for Christmas/New Years or having a quiet one you can kick back and just enjoy company of others. Its been a long year. Even if you have never posted on Beyond Blue before you are very welcome to come in and sit around our 'Virtual Christmas Tree' and chat 🙂
You asked for this Paul here it is for all.
Santa (AKA Kanga Peter) Ho Ho! 🙂

[Doolhof]

Christmas!

I wish I had the guts to send my family a letter. A letter that states that it is not okay to tell me every single year at Christmas that you will not spend Christmas Day at our home because we have no children.

You tell me it is important to have Christmas with the older generation also as they may not be here next year. I may not be here next year! I may not be here for this Christmas.

Family, do you not know how shattered my heart is already leading up to Christmas, only for you to tell me every single year it is okay for me to at home alone Christmas morning, with a sleeping husband who hates Christmas and me walking around in an empty house.

You don't need to tell me my children are dead, I know that already.

Would it hurt any of you to come to our home Christmas Day, to bring your children, to allow me to have their laughter and joy in our home? Only if it was for an hour. That would be enough.

Don't keep telling me we have no children so we don't deserve to have Christmas in our home.

Don't try to "fit us in", don't think you have to see me just because we are related.

Enough. I have had enough. Decades of being told the same thing. I can't do it this year. One way or another it may well be a family-less Christmas.

Dear friends here on the forum, I know there are plenty of ways to celebrate Christmas. The family way does not work for me. I don't know why I expected this year would be any different. A family member called today to say she had no idea when she would be able to see us for Christmas this year and added in the "no children" quote I know so well.

Think I will go out into the garden now and pull up a huge pile of weeds.

Maybe after a few tears I will feel a bit better.

Cheers from a Christmas shattered Dools.

[Quercus]

Oh Mrs D 😢.

What can I say to that hurt? No words that make that better.

I'm not big on hugs but you need one right now. Here for you if you need to talk ok. Weeding and tears and some sun and fresh air sound like a good idea.

Please take care of yourself. Stupid Christmas.

❤ Nat

[Doolhof]

Hi Nat,

Thanks. I felt a lot better after my ranting! The weeding and tears went well. I also listened to the birds singing and took notice of the lovely plants around me.

I was also thinking of ways I can make Christmas special for myself even if no one desires to celebrate with me.

Over the years I have collected up some lovely decorations for the home and the tree. I have delightful photos of our Christmas in Europe one year and last year in Bali. I can look at those photos, and Google pictures of Christmas around the world.

I can check out the local papers and Facebook pages and see where there will be some Christmas Parades in the local towns, Carol singing, see if there is a Christmas Market somewhere and catch up with friends.

Okay. I had my rant! Now to make plans on how this Christmas can be one that I will appreciate.

Loved ones can say the most horrible things. I don't suppose they really mean it, but when I tell them how much it hurts, you would think they might listen!

I actually want to enjoy Christmas, I need to work out how to that in my own capacity!

Thanks for the hug Nat, I really appreciated that.

Cheers from Mrs. Dools

[Quercus]

Hi Mrs D,

I'm glad to hear the garden therapy worked it's magic a little. You have such a good attitude... Look at you finding solutuons and ideas already.

What about volunteering on Christmas instead? I have a lot of respect for those who help run gatherings for people alone or in need. Hubby and I plan to do that when we move. To spend some of the day helping others. I think it's important.

Small steps today Mrs D. Just one foot after the other until the xmas is over.

❤ Nat

[CMF]

Hey Mrs D,

im sad to hear you family makes you feel that way and I agree, do something for YOU, that makes you happy. People can be insensitive, they can so rapped up in their own world. I like the idea of volunteering as Quercus mentioned. Everyone gathered for the same reason, to enjoy and be happy, to celebrate Xmas, regardless of anything. I think it would be an amazing feeling.

cmf x

[Doolhof]

Hi Nat and CMF,

A couple of years ago I did help out with the Christmas lunch our Church puts on for people in the community who have no where to go for Christmas. About 50 people showed up (I think) A lot of the food and gifts were donated from businesses in the community.

Volunteers helped decorate the hall, prepare the tables and the food. After we served the people, we ate with them at the tables then organised the next course of food, sitting with them again. So it was not just a case of "Providing" the food, but providing friendship and welcoming as well.

I might look into doing that again this years. Thanks for the reminder ladies!

Hey Nat, I'm really tired of sinking, especially so this time of year. Time to make plans for changes. My attitude needs a little adjusting! Ha. Ha.

Cheers to you all, may your Christmas plans, what ever they may be, reflect how much you respect and care for yourselves!

Hugs to you all from Mrs. Dools

[blondguy]

Hi Everyone 🙂

Hi MrsDools....I hear what you were saying about people saying that 'we have to come'. No worries they are being super caring but sometimes I prefer to have a solo Christmas...and its soooo relaxing

Sensational contribution on being a volunteer at your church's Christmas lunch a couple of years ago....that would have been very rewarding not to mention the help and TLC that you provided to so many people too 🙂

Im having a Christmas that suits me this year...I am not a snob but I am still trying not to please all of the people all of the time and put myself first....and do my best to help others on the forums where I can

Cheers

Paul

[Quercus]

Hi everyone,

Paul I love this...

I am still trying not to please all of the people all of the time

I had a bit of a thought seeing a few new threads pop up stressing about Christmas. A question I guess.

How do you balance expectations with what you want to do?

One year we gave gift cards from the Salvos which were printed up with things like "a hot meal", "a toy for a child" to represent what the money donated had paid for. I felt it was a beautiful gift. Noone needs more crap. And yet even though I felt good the response was underwhelming to be honest.

In my family the expectation is to go over the top. My husband gets angry seeing our kids get gift after gift without even stopping to appreciate and play with the first one. My mum gets angry if we keep it simple saying "they are kids they are allowed to have fun and be spoilt for one day". I get stuck in the middle feeling crap.

So I changed perspective. I told my family spoil away... But not with toys. Give them your time.

Buy a paddling pool? Ok now swim with them. Buy a book and read it to them. Don't buy craft unless you're going to get dirty and create. My mum took to this with a lot of enthusiasm.

And hubby nods at the kids getting what kids NEED... Love and attention.

And now when people ask or hint at what I need I say I need a babysitter so I can go on a date with my husband. You want to give me a few hours of your time? That's the best gift. Or some nice tea and come and drink it with me. What do I NEED? I need your time. Nothing else.

[Doolhof]

Hi Everyone,

Paul, thanks for your thoughts, Christmas can be such an "interesting" time for many people. I enjoyed helping at the Church Christmas lunch when I was there. A couple of guys enjoyed the fact that I kept filling their plates up with meat! Ha. Ha.

Putting ourselves first I s something some of us may really struggle with!

Nat, I really like your thoughts here too! Such wonderful suggestions, give a gift yes, but give of yourself as well.

One year I too gave the family and some friends "Gifts" they did not actually receive through World Vision. One friend was very disappointed she wasn't actually going to receive the chickens herself. Ha. Ha.

People's love, time and caring, they certainly are very precious gifts!

Cheers all from Mrs. Dools

[blondguy]

Hi Everybody & Quercus and MrsDools! New Posters/Readers are strongly Encouraged to post 🙂

Thankyou for the super nice compliment 🙂 Always a treat!

Quercus mentioned... (so well)...." I changed perspective. I told my family spoil away... But not with toys. Give them your time" What an inspirational post for all the people that are on and choose to 'read only' the forums Q 🙂 What an excellent question too Quercus "How do you balance expectations with what you want to do"? Its taken me several years to find the balance you mention....at first there was guilt.....then I realised that I was no different to anyone with a physical illness.... If I can I will do my best to visit others.....family...friends....but if my depression/anxiety is profound I will have Christmas on my own.....and yes I feel uncomfortable about it but not as badly as I did before

MrsDools....You have been on the forums for such a long time and have had the 'peace of mind' to write "People's love, time and caring, they certainly are very precious gifts!"

Your presence on the forums is a gift.....and then some! I learn a lot from your posts.....always have and always will MrsDools

My Kindest thoughts as always

Paul