A Place for People Alone Over the Festive Season

[Eagle Ray]

Hi, I just thought I’d start a thread for those of us who will be alone on Christmas Day or during the festive season generally and would like somewhere to chat and connect.

I will most likely have a quiet Christmas Day at home, cooking some simple meals as I usually do and enjoy my hobbies such as photography and photo editing. I might go for a swim in the ocean.

Feel free to connect here on Christmas Day or over the festive period if you are alone and would like somewhere to chat. You might like to share how you are making it an enjoyable time or reflective time or whatever it is for you. Feel free to share anything festive you are doing and also feel free to share if you are not doing festive activities. Also, feel free to share if you are with others on Christmas Day but feeling a bit lonely as I know that can happen sometimes too.

Wishing everyone a peaceful time over the holiday season 🤗

Eagle Ray

[mmMekitty]

Hello ER, Rxx, Beaser , Croix & everyone - Happy holiday & Xmas to you all!

Just thinking of everyone here, & how many of us will, whether we want to or not, be spending the Xmas/NewYear time alone. 

I really would have liked to go & spend some more time at the swish hotel, swimming in their pool, having bubble baths, expensive & yummy food, but I cannot - & even if I did, I'd kind of be alone. I'd like to find out just how helpful the staff at the hotel would be if I go there without a support worker - a challenge, huh?

My NDIS is still basically pretty much in limbo, so I can't afford anything beyond the most basic of my support needs.

Instead, I have found a website where I can collect a bunch of Xmas songs &, having collected enough, I have a direct link to this list & so I have been listening to lots of Xmas songs, singing along & dancing in my little flat. Mostly I like the funny songs, old songs& jazzy songs.

I also am making my own Xmas lunch. & having chocolate ice cream, in a cone!

Last week I had a few Xmas get-togethers to go to. These are all organised by organisations I am a member/client of. The social get-togethers are not easy things for me, however, I know there are some things about them I do enjoy. The food for one, & the possibility of winning a door prize or raffle, is the other & if they are having Xmas songs we can sing along to.

After Xmas it all falls down, I suppose, gets boring & I begin to wait for places to re-open & then I have things to do again.

Happy to drop in today, to say HELLO! to you all, somewhere...tThen I spotted this thread ER, so I dropped down your chimney! Hehehehe!

Hugzies 😹

mmMekitty

[Eagle Ray]

Hello dear mmMeKitty,

It’s so lovely to hear from you! I love that you’ve been finding your own way of getting into the Christmas spirit including singing along with the songs you like. It’s great you are making your own Christmas lunch and having the special chocolate ice cream in a cone too - yum 😋 

Yesterday at the supermarket I picked up a mini Christmas ham, just for me. I thought why not. I’ve never thought of having Christmas ham just for me before but it’s something I’ve enjoyed in the past and I thought it would help me feel a bit festive. I’ve just been in the city for a week too and I bought myself a few things including a dress I really like. I rarely buy myself such treats but I thought I’m going to do it and it’s like my Christmas gift to myself.

I hope the NDIS support is not in limbo for much longer. It’s such a bureaucratic tangle. So glad to hear from you anyway. Feel free to keep chatting here if you like and happy to see you dropping down the chimney. Hehehe!

Big hugzies to you too,

ER

[mmMekitty]

Oh, I love ham! I had the person t the deli at the supermarket slice a few champaigne leg ham to a thickness of .5cms, yes, just for me.

I've been buying other treats for myself & trying not to eat them all up before tomorrow.

I have made a point of getting myself something for my Birthday or Xmas or any other time I feel like. Do I actually have to justify getting myself a gift? I got a couple Xmas shirts, not t-shirts, but button down shirts with shorts sleeves & Xmassy patterns on them. They are very colourful.

Hugzies, 😺

mmMekitty

[quirkywords]

ER

Thanks for this thread. I know this woman who lives nearby and lives alone but has a relative who keeps an eye on her. I will drop in tomorrow. . I like  reading here how people help each other here either support and suggestions. 

[mmMekitty]

Hi Quirky - Happy Xmas to you, too! 

Hugzies 😺

mmMekitty

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Quirky and MK,

That’s so lovely Quirky that you are going to visit the woman who lives nearby who is on her own. I hope you have a fabulous Christmas Day!

And you too MK! I already tucked into some of my Christmas ham for a snack. Yummy 😋 I love the sound of your shirts with Christmassy patterns! 

I feel some Christmas cheer already and it’s not quite Christmas here yet in WA. Thank you for your Christmas spiritedness 🙏😀🎄

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Everyone 🤗

I hope you’re having a lovely day so far.

I was doing fine until a text from my brother. He’s actually kind of reaching out but after so many other experiences that have broken my sense of trust and safety with him, I just feel really triggered instead and such a strong sense of having no family now. So I’m finding it a bit of a hard day now but hopefully it will get better. I’ve just had quite a few tears but I’m now having a cup of coffee and looking outside where the clouds have cleared and it’s sunny. I hope you have been enjoying some good food that you like and that you’re having a peaceful day ☺️

Hugs,

ER

[indigo22]

Hi ER (with a wave to all 👋),

I'm sorry your quiet peace was replaced with tears, I hope you have found a way to return to some of that peace.

I know this time of year can be hard for many who are alone but over the years that I have spent Christmas alone, I actually enjoy having the chance now to make new memories for myself instead of dwelling on the past not so pleasant memories. I get to choose how I spend my time rather than feeling obligated to anyone, that in itself is freedom. I am glad you bought a ham just for you and a new dress you really like. Perhaps that can be part of a new tradition that is all your own in the years to come. When we are not receiving love from others (and even when we are), we absolutely should give love to ourselves.

I have been doing quite a bit in the garden (still a long way to go) and beginning to enjoy it more. I have bought some plants that I really love, that smell divine. When I think of a garden, it should look beautiful or smell beautiful or both, otherwise what is the point?

Be kind to yourself always ER, you absolutely deserve it.

talk soon,

indigo 💜

[ABC01]

Dear Eagle Ray and others,

I saw a few names I am familiar with on this thread and just wanted to say a big thank you to everyone who has supported me and talked to me this year. I know it is not over and I may talk to you before then, but thank you for your kindness and compassion. Thank you for allowing me to be heard. Everyone is precious and deserving of good things, so I hope you have found something today just for yourself. On this Christmas Day.

My most enjoyable time today was when one of the kids got $50 and exclaimed “I am rich now!”. Oh if only that was true. But $50 to a child is like one million dollars to adults. And they wanted to go straight to the shops to spend it. 

I am sorry you have had a not so great day Eagle Ray, after your text. Everyone at my Christmas knows what I am going through personally, but not one of them asked how I was doing today. Today isn’t about me, but it would have been nice to have been asked.

It is okay to have cried. I cried this morning too. I can’t remember the last time I cried on Christmas. Probably when I was a tiny kid and didn’t get a doll my parents looked everywhere for.

We cry because we are hurt. No matter what the reason is. But I happen to know how strong and resilient you are Eagle Ray. So having a cup of coffee and enjoying the sunshine is fantastic. Your advice to me is full of personal insights and you know yourself so well. So I hope the sunshine is a metaphor for the clouds clearing in your day and life too.

Please continue to enjoy the day and that is for everyone too. I read in a book just this morning, “Tomorrow hasn’t come, yesterday is done, just get yourself through today.” I am off to have an ice-cream and end my Christmas Day playing a match 3 game on the iPad.

Wishing you all well,

ABC01

[Eagle Ray]

Dear indigo,

Thank you so much for your lovely, kind message and Merry Christmas to you 💗

I’m glad you have been enjoying some time in the garden and it’s wonderful you have bought some plants you love.

Yes, I think making Christmas our own, a gift to ourselves, is a lovely idea. I think that’s especially so when we have been focussed so much on others in our lives.

My brother was asking if I’d like him to visit in January. This is a big change from him normally just telling me he’s visiting whether I like it or not. Recently he has twice tried inviting his partner here without asking too and he knows I’m not happy about that. So now he’s just asking if he can come on his own. I always find it hard when he visits. It’s good to see him on the one hand but he remains emotionally distant and it often feels invalidating. He shows no real interest in my world and feelings and the visit is always around whatever he wants to do. I never feel seen or heard by him. It’s not that he doesn’t care at all but he is cut off from feeling and expressing care (same as our mother was). There is a quote by Robin Williams:

I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is ending up with people who make you feel alone.

Both my brother, and to an even greater extent his partner, leave me feeling acutely alone. I made a decision not to see my brother when I was in the city recently and I felt so much better for it. I stayed with a lovely family there who were just the most gorgeous people and they really made me feel so welcome and cared for. The contrast is so obvious.

So today on Christmas Day I just feel conflicted about how to respond to my brother who I haven’t texted back yet. I partly would like to see him but also in other ways I really don’t want to. I’m reminded of how our family fractured and fell apart and it’s very painful.

Anyway, I don’t think these emotional issues are unusual for people on Christmas Day. My mother was always routinely very depressed every Christmas. I always tried to be cheerful no matter what. I think I need to keep finding some Christmas cheer and happiness.

Sorry for rambling about myself. I do hope others are enjoying their day. I recently woke up from a sleep on the couch and a rain shower was going through creating that beautiful rain smell.

Have a lovely evening indigo. You deserve great kindness too 🙏🤗