I’m not sure if what I’m
experiencing is typical of anxiety. I’d
love some feedback from people experienced with this.
About four months ago,
I left a job I had been in for 18 months with a small business. They had a team of about eight people. At first everything was great, but looking
back I can see my self-confidence and faith in my abilities was gradually
eroded over the course of that 18 months.
Prior to this, I was a very confident person. By the time I left there, I walked on
eggshells, with a pair of bosses that played mind games every single day. I will NEVER work for a small family business
again after this experience.
I enjoy my current job
very much, but I feel the hangover from my previous one. If the boss is going through reports trying
to find a discrepancy, I’m silently panicking and completely freaking out that
it’s my fault and they’ll be so angry. I’m
worried that they’ll sack me and I won’t be able to pay my mortgage. I over-explain myself about details that
doesn’t actually interest anyone. I’m
worried that I’m too loud, too over-the-top and no-one likes me. I genuinely have no idea how well I’m
performing and I’m too intimidated to ask.
I get flustered when I feel nervous or overwhelmed, and I make little
mistakes as a result, which just makes it worse again.
This really only comes
out at work, I’m fine everywhere else. I
have bipolar 2 disorder, which I manage reasonably well (I would like to think
so anyway). I don’t share anything about
this condition or how I currently feel with my work colleagues.
I suppose I want to
know if this is anxiety? If so, what are
other people’s stories are and how did you manage it?
