Work related stress working in defence office 😳😰

[Shazzawazza]

Hi,

I haven’t been on this forum at least 3 years I don’t think my antidepressants ain’t working anymore has anyone got advice working in strict defence base admin working with defence personal and how to control the aggression my anger is very high I work two coming back to three days after month off stress leave from work my work is very stressful environment I’m a external contractor working for the government is there any advice keep temper down and being patient

thank you reguards 

shazza

[Croix]

Dear Shazzawazza~

I'd like to welcome you back, I hope the years in between have been kind to you.

Working in a defense establishment can be a most tiresome and exacting time, with  umpteen rules - not all of which seem to make sense - and unrealistic time limits, not to mention some that bludge and let others do thier work.

Letting this get to you and stressing you out can't keep going on, as can bursts of anger. I would suggest that the anxiety you mentioned before is not properly under control, limiting your ability to take everything in your stride.

As someone with an anxiety condition I found I could not improve this by myself and needed clinical help (plus personal support if you are lucky enough to have any). As this improves all the niggles that get you during the day can become less important. May I suggest you go back and see your own personal GP to get a your own personal psychologist or similar to assist you.

I'd also suggest that alternatives to anger be a subject you look at together.

If you would like to let us know how you get on that would be great.

Croix

[Croix]

I have written you a reply, however it is taking a very long time to come though. NBN=No Broadband Now I guess:(

Croix

[Shazzawazza]

Sorry not helpful 🤨

[Shazzawazza]

Thank you so much ☺️ 

[therising]

Hi Shazzawazza

With the old saying 'This person is getting on my nerves', another way of putting it is 'This person is getting into my nervous system'. I suppose you could add 'and they're messing with it something shocking'. I find there are typically 2 types of people who'll do this

1. Emotionally detached people, who can't feel what I'm saying to them and
2. Self serving or self entitled people who could not care less about anyone else (what others say or how they feel)

Depending on who I'm dealing with, I'll manage them differently. Of course, not always easy to do.

With the first type (emotionally detached people), sometimes it's a matter of thinking 'Let me rephrase what I just said to you so you'll feel where I'm coming from' or else the challenge can be about becoming more emotionally detached or more 'matter of fact'. Only dealing with the facts can be a tough thing to master at times. Doesn't mean we stop feeling, it's more so 'I can feel the overwhelming frustration in the lead up to rage. Now that I know what I face is frustrating and enraging, I'll switch off from feeling the nature of this situation or person. The fact is 'The job cannot be done. It's an impossible task. End of story'.

Extremely self serving or self entitled people are naturally enraging. This is what I've found. They're the types of people I can definitely feel through my nervous system. They can take me from zero to one hundred in a split second. I find the reason why they're so enraging is because they're typically unreasonable. They won't offer good reason and they won't accept good reason. I've learned not to reason with them. Again, it becomes about a 'matter of fact' attitude or emotional detachment: 'The fact is you're not listening and I can't reason with you, so this is a pointless exercise'. 

Being a highly sensitive gal, I've found emotional detachment to be an ability well worth mastering. Take this ability too far though and it becomes a problem. Complete emotional detachment means not being able to feel anything in life, including a sense of joy or a sense of satisfaction. Sensitive people still need to be able to sense or else they suffer through what can come to feel like a senseless existence.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Briefly, I spent 3 years in the RAAF as a young man, a few years as a prison officer and 7 years as a security guard at an Army base. I had to deal with defence force personnel daily. 

I think the issue could be more who you are dealing with than being all your fault. Defence force personnel are in their own little world where civilians can be seen as opposition. This is common for such large establishments. In fact I was the very first civilian security guard on an Army boom gate back in 1993 and the resentment I got from the Army members was really abusive. That led to actions that seemed extreme eg no ID presented resulted in me returning to my guard box and not raising the boom gate leading to a bank up of traffic. When approach by others I'd explain that if the member presented his ID they wouldnt be waiting. I used wit instead of getting upset myself.

There are a number of ways to curtail your anger.

• Expect every person you converse with could lead to angering you
• Develop phrases that will help put the onus upon them for their own behaviour

The 2nd one is important. For example, when I worked making pizzas many people got angry that they had to wait. When approached in an aggressive manner I would respond "I'm so sorry but I only have one other speed and thats slower"

Another one- "I'm sorry you seem impatient, would you care to jump the counter and assist me"? (knowing they cant)

So develop these counter responses to "nip it in the bud". 

The other thing I had to master is early communication techniques. As soon as you set eyes on the customer try to "connect". Eg "gee you look hot, is it hot out there"? , "Oh, good timing Ive just finished a job, so what can I do for you"?

These early comments can break any icy attitudes they possess when entering your domain. In fact it is amazing how we can judge someone as being abrasive yet once the ice has been broken they are really nice people. 

I hope this helped.

TonyWK

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Shazzawazza,….🤗

I’m so sorry your feeling so much anger, that is something that I don’t feel…I suppose you could say it was taken away from me in my early stages of life…anger with my parents, siblings and husband was to be received by unpleasant consequences towards myself, so I learned in life that getting angry doesn’t really fix* any situation…only escalates everything..

Shazzawaaz, the things people say or do to you that makes you angry is more likely done/said to you to stir up your anger…some people thrive off another persons anger, it makes them feel superior to other people seeing them that way..Getting angry with an already angry person isn’t going to make you feel better or fix the situation…if anything it’s just going to make things worse…as you’ll probably already know…

These people are disrespecting you, and that is not okay, before your anger grows towards them..tell them you feel disrespected and want to know why and what caused them to be  talking to you like they do….tell them to explain to you, so you can understand their anger..and hopefully together with them work out a solution for now and in the future when working with them….respecting each other is paramount for everyone,  in getting the  work done..in a peaceful, calm and positive way…

Shazza, I do hope that things can be worked out for you, and you receive the respect you do deserve…

My kindest thoughts and care dear Shazza…and a gentle calming and caring hug 🤗 (if that’s okay)..

Grandy..

[smallwolf]

Hi and welcome.

If your antidepressants aren’t working, it might be worth checking in with your doctor. I've been in that position and that was what I did.

I don't really have anything to add on the anger side 😞  but hang in there, and hope things improve soon for you.

The only thing, and perhaps not related to anger, was cold water on my face when things overwhelmed me. This was something recommended to me. It also gave space from what the otherwise happening at the time.

Listening if you want to talk more about whatever...