Work not going well

[Keira2]

Hello,

I am new here, it is some difficulties at work that brings me here. I've been working there for 4 years. Going back to 2015/16/17, I had a role where at least half my time was assisting another colleague in her role, and actually I was put into that particular role because the workload was too much for my colleague to handle on her own. In 2017 she resigned, and I moved into her position, but I didn't get an assistant like she had. I quickly began to struggle and began doing minimum 12 hour days, still unfortunately not managing the work load. The long hours have been very tough on my physical and mental health, but the worst thing has been the treatment from some of my colleagues that comes along with not being able to keep up with my workload. Seeing them treat each other really nicely, but then speak to me rudely and clearly dislike me hurts.

Recently someone has been brought in and part of her roll is to help me out, but I keep getting annoyed at her as I feel she doesn't help enough and she takes a lot of time off. It is maybe okay for me to feel this way internally, but I know it's not okay to show her that I feel that way, but unfortunately I do show her that I feel that way (I go very quiet and with my body langauge it is clear the way I am feeling) and I have ruined our working relationship. I know I am doing the wrong thing, and I always immediately regret it and am sorry.

And so now the work environment for me is that I feel hated by my colleagues who think I'm incompetent (maybe they are right), and I have made the girl supposed to be helping me hate me. I think it cannot be long before I get fired with things going this way. I get really scared about this, and then in turn not being able to get another job, and not being able to keep a roof over my head. This may sound like a ridiculous fear, but the situation is more complicated than that, my life is really turning out as a disaster and everywhere I go people seem to hate me and make it clear they think I am stupid (even my own family told me I was too stupid to get a degree and a job out of it while I was in the middle of a degree), which maybe I am, but I can't do anything about it.

Sorry, just wanting to vent, and it has helped as I can think of worse things that could happen.

[el_nmada]

Hey Keira

I am in a very similar situation to yourself. My boss went on maternity leave this year and I had to step up into her role for the year. There was no real alternative as there are only two of us in the department (I work in a school). This role is something that I never wanted and I am also struggling with the workload, the pressure, the responsibility and the day-to-day intensity of working in this new position.

Like you, it has had a significant impact on my physical health (fatigue, hair loss, easy weight loss, high blood pressure, poor sleep) and mental health. I have always had anxiety but have been able to manage it relatively well myself, but this year it is rampant and I am also showing depressive symptoms. So I get exactly where you are coming from.

In situations like this it is important to remember that it is not your fault. Your employer is 100% responsible for ensuring you have a sustainable workload and that their employees can maintain a work life balance. I have had this exact same issue, and on two occasions this year I have spoken to my employer and told them that a) I am not managing the workload with the time I am given at work and I had been doing 30-40% extra in my own time and on weekends, and b) there must be some balance restored because it is have an impact on me, despite doing as much as a can and that it is not sustainable.

Unfortunately not a huge amount has change, but earlier this week I was pleasantly surprised when they suddenly decided to take one of my responsibilities off of me. I'm not sure if this was a result of the discussion I had with my employer last week, or that it was coincidental. In any case, I think that you should always approach your employer and air your concerns in a reasonable manner. If they don't listen, do it again. The onus is on them to help you be able to do your job.

Even though you said that you think your colleagues hate you, this is probably not entirely true. When we are stressed and anxious our minds can interpret things in strange ways and filter them through to us, when it reality things are actually quite different.

People often assume everything is ok (because externally you look like you are getting through all your work - even if it takes 12 hrs/day), until you tell them that in actual fact it is not. This sounds like a situation where you may need to stand up for yourself for your own health and wellbeing.

[Croix]

Dear cKeira2~

Welcome to the Forum. Like el_nómada I believe you are taking on a load of guilt you do not deserve.

For a start your firm acknowledged the work was too much for one person - which is where you came in. To help fill a 1.5FTE slot with htat other person. This worked, you learned the role and your colleagues were supplied with what they needed in a timely manner.

Then the original person left and you were faced with producing a 1.5FTE's output. Not surprisingly it did not work and both you and your colleagues who depended on the work being done all suffered. Not a good situation at all, you overloeaded, them frustrated. Was it your fault - what do you think?

I'd imagine you are conscientious and capable worker, which is why the 1.5 FTE worked between the tow of you, and why you have increased your own hours to try to make up the shortfall when left on your own - frankly an unhealthy and unsustainable move.

Then eventually the matter was acted on, and you received an assistant, however, unlike you, this person does not seem to perform as well as you did in the role, so you still have more burden on you than you should. If that does not fill you with joy and it shows - well what is wrong wiht that? You are still being put upon. You know the role this new person should fill, and she is not filling it. Where is your fault in that?

I'd agree that you should at least as a first step approach your management and point out their steps to rectify the 0.50FTE shortfall are not working and request they rethink the matter perhaps replacing the new person with another who is more capable or else reducing the number of tasks you and this new person have to undertake.

Why should you get fired? You have proved your ability and willingness to do more than you should, and your health and welfare need urgent attention due to these circumstances.

Being scared of losing the job, feeling people hate or disparage you, all seem to me to be a reaction to overwork and an un-supportive work environment. This spills over into family life with you finding it hard to cope with your family's cruel and unhelpful remarks.

The inability to take this in your stride and see the situation for the unhappy one it realy is can be a worry, self-blame should not be a factor. Can I suggest you see your GP in a long consultation and say how much things are affecting you at the moment? See what comes out of that

Do you have anyone to care and support you? Facing this alone is hard

Croix

[Keira2]

Thank you very much el_nómada and Croix for your replies. They do make me feel a lot better.

I do have some support (mum, sisters, couple of people from work), though I don't imagine that I could talk to them about this, so I'm very greatfull to be able to say something here and get some replies. I am trying to get some information about the grow program which I remembered about today, though I can't get the website to work right now.