Work is causing my anxiety but the idea of leaving & starting over makes me feel just as anxious...

[Ruby44]

Just joined BB and hoping for some advice please!

I've been at my work for four years & it has always been a high stress environment, particularly since taking on a management role two years ago. Recently the company has experienced huge growth & the pressure & stress has gotten monumentally worse. To add to this there have been a lot of senior managers enter the business trying to prove themselves so a lot of power struggles going on. I am caught in the middle of these & it is mentally exhausting having to be careful what you say & who you say them to.

For six months everything has been a struggle, it started as feeling fatigued & short of breath so I visited a heap of doctors looking for a physical reason why I felt this way. Then I started to have chest pain (particularly at work) to the point where I ended up in the emergency room...After a string of tests I was basically given a clean bill of health with some signs of POTS. It became clear that the chest pain was only happening when I was feeling stressed at work. I've tried many coping strategies to deal with the pressure at work (yoga, meditation, hypnotherapy for anxiety), reduced sugar and caffeine but still it's not enough.

I love my job & have a great team but I have had multiple panic attacks in the past 4/5 months. I thought these were calming down but then I have had 3 in the past 2 weeks, turning to vmedication when I get home to take the edge off. It's clear that work is the cause of a lot of this stress & anxiety but the thought of leaving & having to prove myself all over again if I leave makes me feel just as anxious. That being said there are a lot of changes coming in management at my work (so I probably have to prove myself again there too). Do I try & wait to see if things improve or do I need to get out ASAP?

I know that this job is good for my career but at the moment I feel like I am collateral damage in all the battles going on at work. A few people have suggested trying some medication to deal with my anxiety but it doesn't feel right to have to medicate myself to deal with my job!? Has anyone been in a similar situation?

I also looked at moving house by the beach etc to try & have a more relaxed lifestyle but would mean being slightly further from my family who I have been leaning on a lot recently. My husband really doesn't understand how I am feeling, I have tried to talk to him but he is very laid back & never really gets stressed.

Any advice would be appreciated, thanks!

[Livinia09]

Hi there Ruby44,

I'm sorry to read about your situation.

Is there anyway you can take some time away from your role in the form of annual or sick leave? The reason I suggest it is because I have taken 3 months away from my place of employment to complete my studies (teaching internship). I was so anxious about leaving work! Even though I knew I would be coming back. That role is high-stress, but I've been in it for around 7 years. It's familiar.

Just as you have described, however, we are under new leadership also and there a lot of new faces around. I honestly detest the environment they have created. I've been wrestling with whether or not to leave for nearly a year. When I really think about it, it's not the place it once was. If I were to begin work there now, I would know it's not a nice environment and would leave. But because the environment has changed around me, gradually, the solution is not as obvious.

Personally, my time away has made me realise that yes, I absolutely need to leave there. It was scary at first being away and in a new role, I cried in my internship for the first 2 weeks. It was change and it was hard. By week 3, I was enjoying being with new people who were supportive. I love not having those stresses I experience in my job. I'm now dreading returning to work (in 2 weeks time) and I've realised (it just became so clear!) that I need to leave that place. The reasons I've been staying are not worth the stress on my mind and body.

Your working environment has changed and your response to it is causing health issues. I think that's a problem.

I hope this helps at least a little. It's a tough choice, but I think if you're already asking these questions and doubting your place there, then you already know what to do. It's just having that confidence to 'bite the bullet' and leave. It's hard starting over again in a new role; but staying somewhere that is affecting your health is much more of a risk.

Liv x

[white knight]

Hi Ruby, welcome

I have been in your situation but went further, I stayed until my panic attack was so bad my doctor diagnosed it as a heart attack. That was in 1987 and I eventually lost my job. So I'd be very aware that this could end up much worse.

My advice is to seek another job using your managerial experience to secure a similar level of work. Your workplace is toxic and it wont change.

Also google this thread

Topic: how I eliminated anxiety- beyondblue

cheers for now. Take care

TonyWK

[Ruby44]

Hi Liv,

Thanks so much for sharing your story! It sounds like you are in a very similar situation. It's so hard when the workplace has changed around you because I think part of you still holds on to how it used to be and all the good things about it. I will definitely think if there is any way that I can take time off but given current workload (and we are looking for new staff) it might be difficult.

The rumours that big changes are coming is helping to keep me going at the moment but who knows if and when that will happen! Think I just need to open myself up to new opportunities and see what comes about. The negative environment makes me constantly second guess myself so it would be nice to start fresh (away from that pressure).

With your return to work, I found myself in a similar situation about 7 years ago now. I had 4 weeks of annual leave booked in and before I even left I was dreading returning! Luckily back then I was in a position that I could resign and I only had one more shift there after that realisation 🙂 Good luck for your return and maybe start keeping an eye out for jobs yourself! Would love to hear how you go.

Ruby

[Ruby44]

Hi Tony,

Wow that sounds scary, thank you for sharing! Yes I am definitely wary of the negative impact my workplace is having on my health. I have always been fairly slim but last year I lost around 5kg over winter without changing a thing (this coincided with the other health issues), it now looks like everything I was struggling with can be attributed to the constant stress and anxiety.

I will definitely check out that topic thank you. Do you still suffer from panic attacks or have you managed to get them under control?

Thanks, Ruby

[Evoleht95]

Hi everyone,

Thanks for sharing, I too am in a similar situation with work being a large cause of my anxiety attacks, to the point where most mornings i wake up wanting to throw up. Although i do see so many people on here that have been in their jobs for 2 + years.

I have only been in my position for about 11 months, and the only time i vomit is when i'm anxious before work. I am a debt collector, so my job isn't exactly a nice one, i try so hard not to take the abuse personally, but it really does have an impact on me. I am also only 23 yrs old.

I want to leave and try something else, but i'm worried that it will look bad having switched jobs after only a few months. I also lost my past job after 2 years because i had a drink prior to my shift (i was already in a bad place). I really want to just get my life back on track, but im so nervous about switching jobs constantly, especially when i still have part time school (in jewellery, which is almost impossible to get an apprenticeship).

I also haven't been able to see my psych in over a month, I have had to care for my grandfather, and she has been sick. without having an outlet or guidance is really making everything so much harder, i feel like i am getting worse, and my thoughts are darker and more often..... really i'm just scared that i'm not going to make it out of this.