What to do?

[MTJ]

Thanks to those who have Haredim tier stories. I have found some comfort but also been close to tears seeing that others have similar feelings to me. 

I have suffered from depression and anxiety on and off for about 10 years, although when I look back I think I had some issues before that: I used to lie a lot to cover up for my insecurities and try and say what I thought people would like me to say/find interesting rather than the truth. 

I wake up some days feeling fine but would say for at least half the days I I feel anxious to the point of nausea and have a headache. I suffer from lower back pain which has effected my ability to exercise, which has often helped me with my stress. I tend to only look at the negative aspects in my life and see my list of things to do as an endless mountain. I have a wonderful wife and daughter but my wife has been having counselling since she lost her mum earlier this year and we had 2 miscarriages the year before. I don't want to burden her.  Have lived in Oz for 5 years since moving from the UK. I like living here but have not made any close friends that I could confide in and have drifted away from friends and family back home.  

I have had cognitive therapy and try to use the techniques I acquired to help me. This sometimes works but I often feel to exhausted to take a step back. I worry about work, money, DIY, what people think of me and whether I am a positive influence on my daughter. I am a teacher and have been in and out of work the last two years, mainly due to working in a tough school and my difficulties in coping with the stress in the classroom. I have never been on anti depressants but feel I need something/someone to help. I have not considered suicide but often think that the world would be better without me - more of a wish to disappear/not exist. 

I had heard of Beyond Blue and needed somewhere to vent. I don't have much money to see and councillor/doctor or a physio to help with my back. 

Thanks.

[MTJ]

Sorry, the start should read: Thanks to those who have shared their stories...

[anxiousnewbeginnings_]

Hi there,

First off, congratulations on bringing yourself to beyond blue site. That's an awesome step you've taken. Ive recently taken it too.

I think a lot of your concerns sound like they're about your influence on your family or things that could impact them, you must be a very caring and generous person.
I also think youre really brave for having fought this for 10 years now. Your wife and you have been through a lot, I'm sure you wouldn't be burdening her if you were to tell her how you are feeling.

Im not sure what advice I can offer you but I just wanted to let you know, you've taken a great step to getting some more help, even if you can't afford it right now. Maybe in future, you can get to a doctor? They offer rebates on counselling sessions, or some centres such as headspace can help. Check out there website also! Not all techniques work for everyone, I get that! Its about finding the one that fits you best. Goodluck.

I hope you have a wonderful Christmas, and enjoy your time with your family. All the best with your health !

[Neil_1]

Hi there MTJ

Welcome onto Beyond Blue and apologies for not getting to you sooner … it’s this silly festive season … well, that’s my excuse anyway.

To deal with first your illness that you’ve been battling for so long now on your own … it is time for professional help and I think you realise you need this also.  Tough time of year to do this, due to massive shut downs, but if you can (or maybe you already have) make an appointment to see your GP and unload to them what’s been and is happening.  Also let them know of your financial stress as well.  They should hopefully be able to advise you of appropriate areas where you can go where you can seek suitable help on a low budget.

Your post while troubling, also speaks volumes for you as a person.  I read that you worry about what kind of positive influence you will be for your daughter … she knows you’re a teacher (unless of course, she’s just a toddler) and she would possibly know that you’ve been placed in a difficult, tough school, which takes additional talents from you to deal with on top of the normal talents that a teacher needs to display.  Kids are very perceptive and she’ll pick up all this, if not already, and would have her inner feelings of love and pride for you.

It’s good that you’ve been able to have cognitive therapy and even better that you’re using such techniques to help you out.

Please get back to us here over this coming period, especially when so many places are closed … there’s so many of us here and we can try and offer you advice and support.

I wish you and your family a safe and happy festive season.

Cheers

Neil

[Substituder]

Hi MTJ,

Just wanted to say that if you have medicare, ask your GP about bulk billed therapists as there are some available depending on whereabout you are in Australia. And some therapists do offer discounts and financial assistance just make sure you ask.

All the best.