What is wrong with me

[Jools1968]

Hi All, My name is Julian and I am 46 yrs old. Thank you for welcoming me here. I am not sure what's wrong with me. I am on antidepressants and have been diagnosed with Depression and have so for many yrs. I seem to be getting worse and am seeking more counselling. I am getting so paranoid about everything and everyone around me. I am so defensive at times and think everyone is out to get me. I cannot seem to take any criticism, even if its positive. I know I was involved in an armed robbery a few yrs ago at a servo I worked at, and ever since that day I have gotten very defensive and lost my edge when it comes to talking to people. I am not sure if its a trust thing or what.  I have also been made redundant from 2 different jobs, which makes me trust people even less and not want to put the effort in as it seems like the harder you work the more chance there is to be stomped on. I get to a stage sometimes where I think everyone would be better if I was not around etc, but doing anything silly scares me. Do I have anxiety on top of my depression, I have no idea and I am scared about it. I have no energy to do thing, or go to work which is not like me normally. Please advise.

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[moe5]

Hi Julian,  I'm sorry things dont seem to be getting better, sounds to me like you might have PTSD.  I would also be going to your Dr and letting them know whats happening, a change or up in your meds might be required.   You can get psychology sessions (10 a year) from your dr at reduced rates through the govt mental health scheme.  You should take advantage of that.

[MissDaisytheXD]

Gudday julian 🙂

There is nothing wrong with you! 3 years ago i left a violent, emotionally traumatic 10 year relationship and was diagnosed with PTSD and anxiety, on top of long term depression. I felt the exact same feelings and thoughts as you. I went off the rails, stopped trusting people, blamed myself for everything, i kept thinking i had bipolar or schizophrenia because i just didn't know what was wrong. I lost all enthusiasm for life, and spent a year in hermit mode at home. My first step towards recovery was waking up one morning and out of the blue asking myself if i was happy with how i felt. Of course i wasn't, so i made it my mission from that day to turn  a life time of negative thinking and habits into positive thinking and healthy habits. There are some really good articles on google about negative thought processes and how to change them, and organizing some counselling is a big step forward too. But the best thing i ever did for myself was when i stopped telling myself there was something wrong with me, and truly believed it. After about a month of telling myself this every day, and using stubborn brute force to ignore the negative thoughts, i found that i didn't think about my mental health worries as much. And my mental health and thought processes have continued to improve since. 

 There is nothing wrong with you