We all need love and compassion

[HelenM]

This post is appropriate to the depression forum too. 

From reading posts on here, from one or two friends and from my own experiences, I  am staggered at the horrendous suffering we experience with mental illness. I could cry for us all. And in a way I should because we have to be the compassion for each other. What we live with is unseen by others and so unaccepted. Despite caring family and friends I do not feel a true part of society.  Take care, all of us  xx

[Neil_1]

Dear all,

Just wanted to chip in and see I LOVE it … I LOVE it all – for what’s happening on here.  Different people from different walks of life, different places, reaching out to others and I reckon it’s just beautiful.

I imagine it like to be a warm cosy room with those big comfy chairs sort of all sitting in a semi-circle or something like that in front of a big log fire.  Then people (us) come and go from time to time.  Someone will be sitting there and then another person will enter and sit down.  Just being there – perhaps a chat, perhaps not;  just sitting there and knowing that someone else is there.  Then someone can get up and go and there’s no need for any airs or graces about it, you can just get up and leave and that is absolutely fine.

I’ll finish this analogy now and move just quickly to a thing that does stress me out a lot.  When you’re at a place or a function and you have to leave – I stress out massively with the thought process that I’ve got to leave (even though I really WANT to leave);  I wonder what people will think.  Why is he leaving now?  Is he not enjoying it?  Is he ok?  Perhaps we can make him stay a bit longer?  OR, oh boy, he’s finally leaving!

And then when I get in my car, and am leaving I always feel a massive weight off my shoulders.

And vice versa, the lead up to any of those occasions is just as fraught with stress and anxiety – cause after all, we are on the Anxiety forum here.  Oh boy, I have to be at this place soon – what do I say?  What questions will I be asked?  How do you keep a conversation going?

The more I read on here in other posts, the more I wish that I could meet up with people who post here in a situation – cause we might all end up like above in one of those big comfy chairs in front of an open log fireplace and just feel at ease and comfortable.

Don’t know where that came from but I’m glad I writ it.  🙂

Neil

[Chicken_Wings]

Hey Neil,

Now i'm picturing something sort of like the sofa and chairs in the cafe in Friends. It's a nice thought.

I too know that feeling of relief at leaving somewhere. I always drive places because I like the idea that I can leave whenever I want and I'm not reliant on someone else or even on getting a taxi. If I want out, I'm out.
I'm not generally as worried about going to personal social situations, but I think thats because I choose them so carefully and very rarely go somewhere by myself.
Work events are harder to get to because these aren't the people I've chosen to be in my life, they are in it as a product of my job, so we're not as close.

I didn't go to my company Christmas party this year. But it was because I was in too much of a slump from my depression rather than being anxious about the event itself.

I'm not sure what the feeling is, its just wanting to go home, just wanting to be in my safe place with my things and knowing nothing is expected of me. And sometimes it happens so fast, all of a sudden I just realise its time to go. I feel bad when people say "oh, you're leaving already?", especially when its friends. I want to stay to make them happy, but I also just ready to leave.

I find at work events, people don't mind so much if I leave, as long as I've stayed for about and hour and a half it seems fine. To be honest, I've taken to just doing a sneaky exit at work events. I don't say any goodbyes & usually there are enough people there that its fine.
Personal things are harder, especially when I feel like I'm forcing my boyfriend to leave before he is ready.
He is the opposite of me in that he stresses before the event, but tends to relax and start having a better time once he is there and realises that our friends are our friends for a reason. 

I think in the end you just have to do what makes you comfortable.

[Guest_5218]

Hi Neil,

Loved your post.  The analogy of the warm and cosy sitting room with a log fire is so nice.  These forums really do feel a lot like that!

But there again your posts are always so insightful, (is that a proper word?) well constructed and uplifting. Those of us reading them couldnt help but feel better afterwards.  At least I know I always do.  Obviously you are not always in such a great place yourself, and I love that you use your own experience in helping others so much.

So yeah, I'm really glad you wrote it too.  Thankyou..............

Sherie xx

[HelenM]

Hello everyone,  

well I get very uptight about leaving. Will I miss anyone out when I say goodbye, will so and so expect me to hug them, have I stayed as long as I should.   Arriving is a bit worrying but not as bad.   I really like big comfy chairs. Knowing me, if we were all to meet I'd be really worried I wasn't good enough. But I'm not great just now. Maybe if I was robust I'd feel confident and I'd be a pest.  

Another worry I have. When I get on the bus do I sit next to the person I was talking to at the bus stop. Or if I get on alone, I know there may be people I know on the bus but want to sit alone. Do I sit near the front to avoid the risk of seeing them or go down the bus with my fingers crossed. If I sit near the front someone I know might get on and sit next to me.  There are all combinations of this problem.  

 Take care everyone, Helen x 

[Neil_1]

Dear all

One thing I’d like to emphasise is that no-one would be a pest, no-one would feel out of place, no-one would have to worry whether they thought themselves good enough – that is what “this room” is exactly about, it’s for people like us.  To enter and to have no concerns whatsoever.  I guess it’s a hypothetical room, but it’s still a good thing to talk about.

But then again, this site is not hypothetical, it’s real and can anyone reading this honestly say that they feel intimidated, unwanted, stupid, lack of worth, useless, overwhelmed and I could go on, but will leave it at that.  But can anyone say that they feel any of those feelings while being on this site??  I sure hope there’s no-one who has put up their hand – cause if you have, I’d really like to know AND I’d really like to know how you type with one hand in the air as well.  Sorry, couldn’t help myself there.

Buses, public transport – options could be:  if there’s a single seat at the very front of the bus, this can be a good one to take.  If someone gets on who knows you, they can’t very well sit next to you there.  Other options are to immerse yourself further down the bus and hide in behind others.  The option I always use is my book.  Hook into that and that can be a good ploy to keep away potential “Hi ya, how ya goin’” kind of people.

An ipod and listen to some tunes could be another option.

Perhaps others might have some suggestions on this as well?

Neil

[Manda85ballarat]

Hi Helen,

I completely agree with what you said. I know I go out of my way to ensure others feel happy yet I find it difficult to offer the same to myself.

All I can really say is I hope you are looking after yourself and make sure you are kind to you as well.

 Manda

[HelenM]

Hi Manda 

thank you for coming on this thread.  I've not been on for a few days and it's lovely to meet similar people. It's strange. Years ago I realised I was basically a decent person. But because I'd spent most of my life feeling second class it's very hard to feel equal to everyone else. When I'm keeping ok I enjoy being me. As soon as I'm ill I just wish I could be someone else. Although mental illness isn't my fault I feel that I'm weak.  

 I think that often people with this illness are kind to others because they are very sensitive to other people  feelings.  You be good to yourself too.  On this site everybody cares for each other.  That's what makes it so good. T

Take care, Helen x 

[geoff]

dear Helen, this has been a lovely post with so many people pitching in to add their views.

Can I just add another word to what you have said which is rather rude of me but it's only a good word, ' they are very sensitive to other people feelings because they UNDERSTAND'. Geoff. x

[White_Rose]

Hello Everyone

I have just 'found' this thread. I cannot believe I have been missing out on these fantastic conversations. I can relate to all that has been said and I thank you all for saying the things I worry about but get too scared to admit to. I would love to sink into one of your comfy chairs and 'just be' in the company of people like you.

Going through a rough time myself, but then aren't we all. Sometimes it feels as I am giving to others and getting nothing back. But then is that the right attitude?  Should we give without wanting some sort of return. So reading posts here and joining in at times does help me enormously. I wonder how much we help those who only read posts but do not join in.

Lovely to read your comments. Thank you so very much.

Mary

[HelenM]

Hello to all and Happy Christmas Eve.  I'm only saying that because it's still Wednesday evening here.  

Geoff, you are so right. The only good thing to come out of my depression is that I can be there for others.  Occasionally someone has told me I'm the first person to understand them. What a huge compliment.  And on here we all support each other.      

Mary, I honestly don't think any less of people who only seek help. I used to know an old lady who was very bitter and always believed people let her down meaning people avoided her.  If you think about it she was one of the poorest in society. When I realised that, I could only feel sorry for her (though she frustrated me to death).  I find this site quite humbling. The kindness shown.  And it seems on this thread love and compassion is a perfect title.  

I hope everyone has a peaceful Christmas and if getting through it is as good as it gets, you've done better than many people.   Love Helen  x