Hey there, how are you all going? I hope you’ve all had a wonderfully productive but yet somewhat relaxing day, if possible.
Tonight, I want to speak about missing an individual that flirted with me over text and messages when I was sixteen years of age. He was twenty four at the time. And although nothing sexual happened between us I miss that emotional connection and bond we seemed to share. I knew him personally from my volunteer work. Lately, due to the breakup between my partner and I, I have felt incredibly at ease but also very lonely. Just yearning to speak to someone who understands me etc.
This individual and I use to speak ALL of the time. Flirt a lot too. He was in a relationship at the time so maybe that was actually very wrong and toxic of him. I should not of spoken to him and flirted in that way if he was in a romantic relationship but he use to say ‘I’m leaving her soon’ and ‘things were not working out between us.’
So I assumed, as a young love struck sixteen year old that he was literally going to leave his girlfriend because they were so ‘miserable’
It’S not even the fact that I want him back in my life. My ex boyfriend and him were incredibly similar. Both don’t know each other and are actually completely different in several ways. And because I cannot speak to my toxic ex I am craving the conversation and company of someone similar.
This guy who use to speak to me and I had a falling out because everyone around us claimed he was ‘grooming’ me. Nothing physical ever happened but I suspected it was some form of ‘grooming’
I just miss the company of people who seemed genuinely quite similar to me.
I don’t want either of them back in my life. And when I was speaking to this individual when I was sixteen I was struggling, really badly with my anxiety. Worse than now. I was in a very bad headspace back then.
I recognise that these two individuals are toxic and if I contacted that guy whom I flirted with at sixteen again just to talk to, it would be like taking a hundred steps back. He has a lot of baggage and I am gaining more self respect now after recognising the toxicity of my precious relationship than to settle for half - ass company, mind my French haha.
Just wanted to vent and let go.
Feeling a little stuck and lonely,
PF
