Vomit Anxiety ?OCD

[kaimare]

Hi all,
I'm Kai, i'm 24. Lately I have been wondering if I have an issue, bought up by another friend who laughed and joked about maybe I am "OCD".

I have an intense fear of vomiting but only when related to Gastroenteritis. From this I excessively wash and sanitise my hands, I don't touch public doors/handles/buttons, I always check if my food is properly cooked or warmed (even in public restaurants), constantly wipe and clean my benches and my house (i'm talking 4-5 times a day with antibacterial wipes) and when a friend or family member mentions to me that they or someone they know has been "vomit-sick" I either make excuses not to see them, or if we are already together my anxiety hits the roof..I find myself trying to rationalise it, I get sweaty, nauseated, I feel an intense need to wash my hands and long to be back at home. My friends alway laugh because I am a "germ-o-phobe" but I have only just thought, hang on, maybe this is next level and I actually have something else going on here..
I know all of these things are silly, and I even feel silly feeling or doing them but they make me feel better and safe.

Has anyone got a similar phobia?? Or experience similar things??

[blondguy]

Hello Kai and Welcome to the Beyond Blue Community

I empathize with your habits as I have a close relative that has the same checking and cleaning habit. There is nothing silly about what you have written at all. You are strong by posting Kai.

I have had anxiety/depression for many years and your symptoms are very common. I have been fortunate to have been brought up before all the adverts about 'disinfecting' everything. Every time we wipe everything down we are getting rid of all the good bacteria too.

I am in my 50's and I clean my kitchen thoroughly with a bit of all purpose cleaner and hot water but never use disinfectant. Sanitizing your hands after frequent contact with people all day is a great idea...I do the same about once week and should do it more often.

You are not a germ-o-phobe...you are just being clean and hygienic...but your repetition of doing so may be a problem/issue. None of us like germs but we cant live in a 'bubble' either...We need the good bacteria too.

Maybe a short visit to your GP would be a good idea? Just to clear any doubts you have of course Kai

Thankyou for posting...We are here for you..

Kind Thoughts

Paul

[geoff]

hello Kaimare, Paul has given you a great reply, and for myself I have had OCD for 56 years, but I don't have an urge to clean benchtops every second or to do it all day, but I have my own habits that I do, but after all of this time I hide it from people seeing, so no one would ever pick up that I have this illness.
The reason I have learnt to hide it is because of exactly what you are saying, because when I was caught doing any of them, I was always called being mental, but I'm not nor are you it's an illness we have, and whether it's come down through genes in the family, or whether we have taught ourselves to do them, whatever the reason it's not a pleasant type of depression, but commonly called due to anxiety, but only you could say which way you have it.
You don't have to explain to me why you have this fear, because I totally understand.
Over all of this time my habits and rituals have changed a considerable bit, so there maybe a way that you can replace this by cleaning small, or do it when no one is watching.
NO ONE is silly by having OCD, it's something which other people find very difficult to not only understand, but also how to cope with one of their friends displays their habit/fear/ritual, and the three of these are linked together.
You could also mention that all the professional tennis players do exactly the same routine every time before they hit the ball, just as golf people do, however this isn't by having OCD it's just a luck procedure they feel they need to do.
If your friends continually make fun of you then ask them to google OCD for them to get a better understanding of what this illness can do.
Beyond Blue have a section on OCD so please you aren't strange, there have been many such as 'famous people who have had ocd' will show you how many people who have it, and you will be surprised.
Although being an actor we never see them doing OCD habits, or perhaps they too have learnt on how to hide it from anyone seeing.
Look forward to hear back from you. Geoff. x

[Chris_B]

Hi Kaimare, welcome to the forums. Some great responses above from Paul and Geoff.

This is an issue which has come up a few times on the forums. Fear of vomiting is also known as "emetophobia" (try googling that or putting it in the search box above).

Below are some earlier threads from users who have experienced this, which you might find useful:

Vomiting phobia

How do I help my partner understand? Will he ever?

Fear of being sick

Not coping

Anyone struggling with food related anxiety?

My anxiety is pulling me down

[kaimare]

Hi all,

Thank you so much for your posts and kind words. I really appreciate it. Reading all of this information about OCD in the past few hours makes me think that, though some days are better than others, my anxiety definitely weighs me down and stops me doing what I love.
For example today, I cooked dinner and went through 3 different knives and chopping bards just because the fear of raw chicken contaminating ANYTHING made me sweaty, and when eating it, I still wasn't convinced. Luckily I have a parter who understands and knows my signs of my heightened anxiety (I get very agitated and sweaty) and he helps. Somehow I work in a hospital and this doesn't bother me ONE BIT at work as I am covered in PPE and wonderful hand washing solutions, even though I know hospitals are the most germ-filled places on earth..I am sure this fear stems from something, but I don't know what. I don't even think I have had a particularly traumatic experience with gastroenteritis! It's almost this irrational fear I have over what feels like something I will inevitably get anyway but I still can't help it 😞

[BK011]

Hi Kai

I too had a horrible fear of vomiting and became housebound at 13, not leaving the house for 7 years as I feared vomiting in public, and I had massive panic attacks.

Last year, I took medication that made my ulcer bleed out, causing me to vomit all the time, for at least 3 months. I can honestly say after vomiting so much I no longer fear it.

But I still am back to my usual habits that accompany my fears. Like you, I cannot touch anything without washing my hands,but I did have a fear of food poisoning from eating meat and it still lingers.

I never eat out, or buy takeaway, and if I do I wont have meat. I worry how it was handled. I also never eat at a BBQ or buffet, when food, and meat has been left lying around, either outside or in those warming trays. I know a temperature change can infect the meat.

So I stick to bread, salad and pasta and I was a vegetarian for a long time. Now I eat some meat (never beef) but I know I handle it properly.

I saw Dr.Phil say once that if you are OCD like you and me, it is okay if it does not upset your life. So if it is part of you everyday living, and doesn't really interrupt anything, it just brings you peace of mind, then don't worry.

I watched a show recently where a women took her own knife and fork everywhere, as she was OCD. Some people think she's strange, but if it makes her happy and doesn't hurt anyone, who cares?

Just live your life Kai, whatever you need to do, to live happily.

Bridget

[blondguy]

Hello Bridget 🙂

A Warm Welcome to The Beyond Blue Community to you!

(Sorry to jump in on your thread Kai)

I have a friend that has been vomiting nearly daily for approx 6 years after a gall bladder operation. She got down to 38kilo ....and now is getting her weight back slowly...42kilo.

I have depression but have kept an eye out on Kai's thread on behalf of my friend Pixi.

Thankyou for your well written post and the help you have given others by doing so.

I would be great if you could stick around the forums. (if you wish of course)

Kind Thoughts

Paul

[ci]

Hi Kiamare

I have ocd and very similar to you with fears of contamination of food among other things.

Have you seen gp about what you are going through?

It sounds like things are hard but you are managing it. I wanted to give you some advice I wish I had some one give me earlier based on my experience please seek help with what you are going through therapy can help you find a way for you that works and eases your symptoms. I am currently doing exposure therapy in a group and it is helping get a few things under control others in the group are also finding it is helping them.

I hid my symptoms for many years didn't tell anyone and didn't seek help I so wish I did because my ocd kept growing until I couldn't hid it anymore and had to seek help because my life was becoming impossible. If I would have tried to get it under control earlier it would have been so much easier.

the other thing I wish I had done earlier was to accept it and stop hiding it. I think it gives the ocd more power to be hidden and ashamed of it. I know that's hard for some people and doesn't suit everyone to be open about it. People don't understand very well but my opinion is that if we all tried to be open about it maybe people would start to understand.

Not sure if that helps you but it would have helped me to hear so I thought I'd post to you hoping that it help

[ac1991]

Hello Kai,

I am so glad to have found this post of yours because I experience the exact same thing. I do not go near meat or dairy products anymore out of fear that they will be off, or will give me some sort of food poisoning. I am always very careful in public places (like you said, rest rooms and doors, shopping centres) and constantly worry about catching stomach bugs. Whenever my brother throws up (I still live at home) I go into panic mode and start crying, wishing I was somewhere else and that he had never thrown up. I completely understand how you feel. I want you to know that this is not something that should make you feel like an outsider, you are not alone! I have spoken to many friends who tell me they aren't scared of vomiting (impossible to imagine, I know), but I noted that everybody I spoke to always said the build up to throwing up is worse than the actual vomiting, and once they do they're always reminded that it isn't as bad as they thought. I know this doesn't help much, (it never helped me either) but if you really feel that this is getting in the way of you being able to relax and enjoy yourself, it would be worth going to see somebody about. It seems to me you've got some symptoms of OCD but then again I'm no doctor. Don't let your friend's jokes get to you, they don't understand the depth of your fear. I often convince myself that I'm going to start feeling sick, or throw up even if I have not been in contact with anything or anybody that could make me do so. Something that always takes my mind off this and gets me back to normal is watching a movie - something funny or addictive (so that you become so immersed in the show that you forget it for a while) or listening to music. I hope you find a way to conquer this, stay strong and good luck 🙂

[gnomadicmind]

Hi kaimare!

There have been some wonderful responses to your post.

I don't have OCD, however I have recently finished reading a book called 'My Age of Anxiety' by Scott Stossel. As I do have severe anxiety. It may not be something that you want to run out and purchase, but he is a very interesting writer who has the exact same issue as yourself. It is a book written with humour, and it is fantastically researched. It's not a 'self help' book but it may be something that you would be interested in reading as I think that you will identify with his fear of vomiting, and in particular his habit of researching outbreaks of norovirus so that he can avoid certain areas where there are known outbreaks.

It's a book that I would recommend without hesitation to anyone suffering from anxiety, especially if you have an interest in the history of anxiety as a diagnosis and medications associated with anxiety.

All the Best

🙂