Unwanted intrusive thoughts :(

Lockarni_Philips · ‎19-08-2019

Hi all, I’ve been struggling with unwanted intrusive thoughts for the past 3 months and I feel hopeless.

I am a straight male, always have been. I’ve been struggling with homosexual thoughts which seem to have come out of nowhere and are disturbing and very stressing.

Every time I get these thoughts (quite constant) I start getting anxious and it leads me to start stressing that what I’m thinking may be true, it may be what I want or it may be what I am. My thoughts and feelings feel so real and it stresses me because my thoughts are NOT what I am.

Since these thoughts started developing I have felt lost, unhappy, depressed and stressed. I have been dating my girlfriend for 10 months now and it feels like I’m losing all my love, affection and attraction to her which stresses me all the more 😞 my mind is always constantly having these disturbing thoughts and I don’t understand why I’m not having as many thoughts about her anymore. It’s stressing me so much.

I have also been finding it hard to be turned on sexually by her which I always used to go crazy about. I miss having normal lovely thoughts about her.

It stresses me because the thoughts are constant and I don’t know when they are going to end. It confuses me because I am straight, and I’ve never had any thoughts about guys. I am not attracted to males.

I am seeing a councillor on Friday and I hope he’ll be able to give me advice.

I have cried and cried and I’m just so stressed :(, I’d appreciate any help or advice anyone has to have.

Alexlisa · ‎20-08-2019

Hello Lockarni and welcome to the forums. I’m really glad you decided to reach out here ☺️

I can hear how distressed you’re feeling about what you’re experiencing. It makes sense that this would be so confusing because it seems to have come from nowhere and because you know the thoughts aren’t true.

It definitely sounds like these are intrusive thoughts you’re experiencing. I struggle with these kind of thoughts too, though about different content. For me they’re part of my having OCD. I was wondering if you might want to do a search for a type of OCD that exists called Homosexual OCD (or HOCD). There are different common subtypes/themes of OCD and HOCD is actually quite a common one. I know this might not help to make you feel better, but sometimes it helps to know we’re not alone in our struggles and just to understand what’s going on.

The way OCD works is that it will cling to the things that are important to us. We have a thought and it’s like it becomes ‘sticky’ and we put too much emphasis on what it means. The cycle continues as we worry why we’re having the thought so often. When we try to actively push away the thoughts we’re telling the brain that there must be something wrong/dangerous about it, and so it keeps coming back so that we can address it. But with intrusive OCD thoughts there really is no way of ‘solving’ them. You mentioned that you know the thoughts aren’t true and that’s part of why OCD/intrusive thoughts are so distressing - logical, rational reasoning does little to help. I get how hard that is.

I’m so glad you’ve decided to get some help from a professional. A psychologist is most likely in the position to best help you with this issue. Intrusive thoughts and OCD (if that’s what you’re dealing with) can be a tricky monsters. But I want to reassure you that there’s actual specific treatment available. Sometimes it’s about finding the right professional who is knowledgeable in the area and knows the skills to teach you. I hope you’ll be able to get some relief soon and I’m proud of you for taking this first step.

Take care

Alexlisa

quirkywords · ‎20-08-2019

Lockarni,

I too welcome you to the forum,

I was just about to reply when I saw Alexlisa's reply in which she wrote about what I was going to say so I wont repeat her helpful suggestion.

I can understand how unsettling these intrusive thoughts are and the more you try not to think about them the more you think about them.

am glad you are going to see a counsellor and have reached out here.

Feel free to post here and continue the discussion here.

You are not alone and there is support here.

Quirky

geoff · ‎20-08-2019

Hello Philip, and thanks for posting this difficult topic for many people which I understand and have also struggled with myself.

This is a fear that is sent to our brain, a thought that something is wrong and we need to do something about it straight away, and it's caused by our anxiety and known as an 'intrusive thought'.

If you look at this there is a huge section but please when you see your counsellor ask them for a diagnosis.

I have to go, I'm sorry but will be back but hope to hear back from you.

Geoff,

Lockarni_Philips · ‎20-08-2019

Thank you for your response Alexlisa, I’m hoping my councillor will lead me on the right path to recovery. I’m not certain if it’s HOCD or not.

Quite often the sexual thoughts I get feel so real that my mind tells me “why don’t you do it? you’ll love it”, and it stresses me out because those thoughts just aren’t ME. Before I started having thoughts I never would’ve thought of thinking like a homosexual because I’m straight! I don’t know how respond to them but I’m not giving in, yet they feel so real and it my mind is telling my body to listen and perform my thoughts. 😕

Lockarni_Philips · ‎20-08-2019

I also feel unmanly in everything I do, even thought it’s completely normal, because of my thoughts, which is even more stressful.

Lockarni_Philips · ‎21-08-2019

Hi Geoff thanks for your response,

I replied to Alexlisa but it was for you to see as well

_bethy94 · ‎22-08-2019

Hi Lockarni,

sorry to hear of your current intrusive thoughts. The lovely people who have already replied have really hit the nail on the head. More than likely you’re experiencing a type of OCD on top of the intrusive thoughts - hence them being so persistent and hard to shake. The brain becomes obsessive.

The good news is there’s a lot of support out there and plenty of mental health professionals who specialise in the field. A friend of mine (male) also had something similar to what you’re feeling and with the right psychologist he was able to beat it and it’s now all in the past for him. The same is possible for you.

Wishing you all the best.

Lockarni_Philips · ‎22-08-2019

Hi Bethy,

im so glad to hear that your friend got better! Do you know the name of his psychologist?

geoff · ‎23-08-2019

Hi Philip, it's always great when we are able to hear back from the person we post to, it gives us encouragement.

Our Mind keeps challenging us everyday, but when they are continually persistent and are sparked off by a particular situation, then they maybe intrusive.

As I've said they don't worry me now, the reason being, a long time ago I wanted to hit my dear Mum as soon as I saw her, an awful and terrible thought, as I loved her so dearly, but many years later when she was put into a nursing home, they suddenly stopped, I didn't have these intrusive thoughts any more.

Teach your mind not to take these thoughts seriously, don't argue about a thought that keeps persisting, have a definite answer to it, because as soon as you begin to debate the thought that's when it will stay with you.

We choose to take the actions we want and not by these thoughts that dominate our minds.

Best wishes.

Geoff.