Unwanted anxious feelings around happiness

[reecemiley]

I am struggling to understand why when I come close to happiness I become extremely nervous , my anxiety goes into overdrive to the point that I feel I am losing control. I feel in my mind that in order to release these feelings I destroy the possibility of happiness. my relationship is strained from this and it has been happening for quite sometime now. I cant seem to release from these feelings quickly and I become low for several days after. I feel like in my moments of my anxiety I am fighting with my own mind. Is it normal with anxiety to not trust well or is this my way of keeping happiness away in order to not have these moments ?

[Jacko777]

Hi reecemiley,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums, I think you will find many on here that have experienced this. I would imagine there would be several possible causes and it would help if you had a chat with a counsellor or a psychologist. Have you been diagnosed with anxiety?

If you can catch yourself as your anxiety rises you could do some breathing exercises, I do 4 seconds in 4 seconds out, not too deep, I focus on the breath. Meditation has helped greatly to reduce such moments of anxiety. For me I have had anxiety around situations that has stemmed from events. So yes for me I was sabotaging my self, avoiding situations so that I didn't have to face my fears, fear of people, fear of failure.

With small steps you can feel much better about this I reckon.

Jack

[reecemiley]

Hello Jack, 

thankyou for your reply, it is a warm feeling to know maybe I'm not alone with these feelings. I have been diagnosed with anxiety. I do struggle to catch myself in the start of my triggers in order to breath through them, so I have just started tracking my moods in my days and hoping this may help. I have never tried meditation Jack, I am very grateful to know that maybe that may ease things so I will try it. Thankyou so much for your advice, I really do appreciate it. 

[Jacko777]

Thanks reecemiley,

Yes, catching your anxiety early takes practice and the more I have practiced the more I am aware of those moments. Tracking your moods is such a good idea, I wish I'd thought of suggesting that! The more you analyse your self the better I reckon, you will notice the warning signs earlier and actively divert your attention to something positive, I think with practice this can become a mindset, it did for me.

It helps me to practice gratitude, it brings me satisfaction and calmness. I get a great feeling from giving thanks and love (in my mind) to the things around me. I am thankful for my family, the roof over my head, the nature outside, my job, my days off, etc. Knowing exactly what are the important parts of my life gives me somewhere to go when I need to divert my attention, spend time being active in the things that are most important to you.

Meditation has helped me a lot to train my mind to focus, on the positive and off the negative. It has brought me much calmness overall. For me it really is about becoming the boss of your own mind, persisting with bringing your mind about to where you choose. It doesn't normally feel natural when you start meditating, some people find it a challenge to get through the busy mind at the start, of course we don't stop meditating because we have a busy mind, that's why we are meditating! What you can do is grow new paths in your mind, slowly over time you can get off the old familiar worn tracks that lead to anxiety and cut some new fresh tracks that lead to calmness and happiness. I'm doing it and I know you can too. 

Smilingminds.com.au is a good place to start for meditations or let me know if want to chat more about this, any time.

Jack

[hope4joy]

Hi everyone,

I thought I would add to this old thread because I've noticed that whenever I say that I'm feeling happy lately (and it needs to be to someone else) then I totally freak out. I mentioned it to my mum this morning that I was happy and that I felt I was now on a normal plane of emotions (this is after several months of a terrible depression). It felt good to tell her - but within about 15 mins I was all shaky - and it was like that all day at work - and I still can't calm down now, it is like a mild panic attack. I've tried to journal to find out what the thoughts are behind the anxiety, and stuff around me not deserving happiness is part of it, it also feels that happiness is a like a trap and a hoax and never lasts. But I'm not very clear about it.

Googling the topic some articles say depression and fear of happiness are closely linked for some people. Has anyone ever experienced this? Made any headway on overcoming it? Figured out what it was about for you?

I guess I'd just like to know as much as I can - its not something I've been aware of before - that I fear happiness - but I can see its been there for a while. Maybe many years. Is my identity linked to being unhappy? Just a shame because now I'm feeling good I can't enjoy it but instead am freaking out.

With thanks 🙂

[Melissa74]

Hi hope4joy

I can relate 100%. I am the same. At the moment life is great yet I am full of panic and anxiety. When they go I will be looking for them again just waiting to rear their ugly heads.

My husband is convinced that I either don't know what happy is or I am too scared to be happy.

I wish I knew the answer 😢

Take care

[hope4joy]

Hi Melissa,

thanks so much for sharing here. Yeah I hear you. To other people it must seem so simple, in that we ought to just be happy, but its hard when old habits run deep. I believe we can change them though - especially now we're aware of them. This morning I had lots of tears - but the good healing kind of ones - thinking that it is about time I accept myself. From what I want to do vocationally (visual art), to who I am as a person (kind, funny, generous and at times very quiet) and basically just everything. I think that might be a blocker to my happiness - because I'm like "of crap, wait! I can't be happy yet cause I'm not who I want to be... i'm not there yet' sort of stuff. But given I can't change who I am fundamentally, I think I'll never be there if I'm trying to be something or someone else. But to accept what I am, with all my failings. That's hard. But maybe necessary.

Do you have any thoughts or hunches about what some of the blockers to your happiness might be Melissa? Its such an important topic because its what we're striving for... yet also we're being set up to fail. And maybe its time to change that. Its scary though, because sadly I think I'm very familiar and comfortable in the role of the depressed under-achiever. To be otherwise is absolutely terrifying, and way outside my comfort or familiar zone. Gosh its like a whole can of worms has been opened. But at least we have the strength and support of life going well right now behind us, to help us. What are your thoughts?

Kind wishes,

Christina

[Melissa74]

Hi Christina

I believe I sabotage my own happiness because I don't think I am worthy. It's like I am waiting for the next punishment (bad experience) to come along.

When I look back on my life I realise I suffered bad anxiety as a child. I was lonely and my parents were career driven so I spent all my time alone.

I just need to relax and cut myself some slack. The question is how do I do this?????

My anxiety/panic is so very real with full body tremors, chills, can't eat or sleep and the best one diarhhea. Such a joy.

Take care

Melissa

[hope4joy]

Hi Melissa,

I hear you on that one - feeling we aren't worthy of being happy. I had a pretty intense psychology session yesterday and it came to the fore that all the bullying and hurtful stuff that happened to me as a kid - somehow I thought it was my fault, and that I was bad/ broken/ not right... and hence unworthy. Its sad the way as children we come to conclusions to make other people look good and ourselves as the culprit, when we were the victim.

I'm sorry to hear you had a lonely childhood too. I grew up with a work-a-holic alcoholic dad who was hardly home and a much older sister who just wanted to stay out and party. So I much pretty grew up inside my imagination - in the bushland/ river near my home and climbing trees. I think after a short while I didn't even realise how lonely I was because it became normal. Was that the same for you? How did you cope? Trying to break my fierce independence has been incredibly hard - well its ongoing - but loneliness is still probably my biggest trigger. I'm still striving for more connected friendships and a relationship in my life.

And gee, it sounds like your anxiety symptoms are intense. I can relate to those things you've mentioned but only on a few times a year type of basis, my anxiety is not normally that severe. I'm sorry if you've written it elsewhere on the forum, but what sort of support do you have? Are you in some sort of therapy? Or meds? The anti depressants I started recently have helped with diarrhoea - they are sometimes prescribed to help with IBS - so that is a plus.

I'm just wondering, have you done journalling before, to try to work out what thoughts are causing your anxiety? Sometimes (not always!) it can help me get to the core of the issue/ trigger and help me process it more quickly/ in a healthy way. I believe that we can decrease anxiety over time. I used to disassociate all the time (from being too scared/ overwhelmed) and my hands and feet were constantly cold... but now I can feel my extremities almost all the time and I disassociate a lot less frequently. I find focussing on my feet and wiggling my toes can help when I'm feeling anxious, to help ground me, to keep it in a manageable level. Do you have any strategies that can help you? I hope this isn't too many questions. I guess I just want us both to move forward with knowing we deserve happiness and are safe to relax, and sometimes exploring the issues can help.

Sending kindess your way,

Christina

[Melissa74]

Hi Christina

I will reply tonight. Don't want you to think I won't reply.

Take care

Melissa