Treading water

Sucram · ‎18-08-2013

I found out approximate 10 months ago that my wife has been cheating on me and this not the fist time in our 18 years of marriage . It really knocked me for six and I know I am suffering from anxiety every time she goes out or I see her texting on her phone. We have had marriage counselling and I still love her very much but I can't shake the uneasy feeling I get when she goes out without me. We seem to go good for 2-3 weeks then something triggers me into a spiral and I find it hard to even talk or look at her. I won't our relationship to work but I have real trust issues and I always think the worst.

I have always thought of myself as a strong man, and if a mate was telling me his wife had cheated on him I would say leave her. It's not that I fear being alone or that I am doing this for my 3 kids, I do love her, but I am just a mess inside and the constant cycles of up and down is emotionally draining. It also affects my thinking at work and if I have to go away for work I suffer constant anxiety.

its horrible feeling this way, I hope the triggers become less and the cycles end, I know I am not the same man I used to be and it makes me mad inside that a broken heart can cause so much pain.

The_Real_David_Charles · ‎19-08-2013

Dear Sucram,

Did the marriage counselling help ? I guess we always get pushed in a relationship but having a spouse cheat on you is pretty tough. It doesn't make you less of a man. If your anxiety gets too much you should probably talk to someone like a GP or counsellor again. It's gotta be better to live, work and play with some air of normality. The next corner might bring another affair but then your partner might not take that corner. Better to find ways of being yourself and centering things.

Adios, David.

geoff · ‎20-08-2013

dear Sucram, this is never a pleasant life to live.

The same happened to me where I caught my ex ringing from a public phone twice, and she said that she was ringing person A but when I checked they hadn't heard from her.

This was a major addition to my on going depression, and only made it become worse.

One day she worked 'all night' didn't ring me, but again said that she had so much to do that she forgot, crap.

I used to ring her everyday at work, just to make sure that she was there.

Then there was the time when went on holidays, and one day we enjoyed 'the fruits of life', I then went over to the community hall to see the cricket score, and I found out later on that she had rung someone.

The main trouble is that once they do it only entices them to continue, sorry mate, but they become more cunning on how and when they have the opportunity. Geoff.