The up and down cycle

Girlbond_007 · ‎29-12-2015

Hi everyone,

i am starting to see a pattern of having an anxiety attack and then for days up to a week after I seem to go into a deep depression and cry at the drop of a hat. I don't feel like talking, don't want to do anything and just feel so empty and usually can't seem to stomach or want to eat for days.

I can't get back into my GP for a week, my husband has gone back to work after Christmas and I don't see my psychologist for another week. I really am unsure what triggers his though. Not feeling very good at all at the moment.

is there anyone else out there who experiences this too?

Chicken_Wings · ‎29-12-2015

Hi Girlbond,

I experience something similar, I find the anxiety and depression feed each other.

I feel sick even at the thought of food let alone the smell or sight. I think the longest I've gone without food is 2 weeks. For this I try and at least drink something like Powerade, just so that my body has some sort of fuel. If I can eat, it tends to me more in the evenings. I try having an apple sliced up or bits of carrot because they are easy, they don't smell nha vent got a strong flavour.

not feeling like doing anything is made worse by the not eating so see if you can have something to drink.

I know it's really tough, but it's super important to try and do at least 1 thing a day. Whether it be go for a short walk, or do the dishes, just something so you've moved. I've gone for a walk and cried the whole way, but I did it.

do you know what causes the anxiety attack? I tend to find that whatever caused the anxiety is directly related to why I am depressed too. I first had anxiety about it and once the anxiety abetted slightly I was still sad and generally depressed about the same thing.

Girlbond_007 · ‎29-12-2015

Hi CW,

that sounds exactly like me, at night I usually feel I can handle some food and do feel hungry sometimes. I worry as I don't want this turning into an eating disorder.

i had read one of your posts on another thread about having Powerade or hydra lite so yesterday I did this and it did help so thank you.

today I switched on my work PC and did a little bit to keep my mind on other things, it has made me feel a little important and normal again.

interesting thought to wonder if my anxiety and depression feed off each other. I will try to keep a note.

Thank you for writing to me, your threads and replies are very helpful 🙂

i haven't yet pin pointed the trigger, probably too early on in therapy to have found it yet. I have GAD and am pretty sure it may come down to not being able to cope with changes big or small that might be coming into my life whether it be tomorrow or a years time eg when my little one goes into kindy. It's the fear or the unknown for me I pretty sure.

Chicken_Wings · ‎29-12-2015

I have GAD and depression also. Try not to worry about the eating, it will return in time. You just need to do what you can, when you can. The important thing is to just keep going.

I worry about things that may never happen or will happen far into the future. I catastrophise things, imaging the worst possible scenario, which usually never happens. Then I stress myself out about how much I am worrying.

The therapy will be helpful for you, it just needs a bit of time, nothing about this is instant. I know what my triggers are now and am currently working on facing them. I know once I do I will begin to feel much better in general and the anxious and depressive symptoms will ease.

Girlbond_007 · ‎29-12-2015

It's just so frustrating because I just want it all to go away and feel 'normal' again. I miss the old me. I know it will get better but I am also scared as this is definitely going to be long term for me.

i also worry about may or may not happen in the future. I worry about loved ones passing away and me being alone which in itself is very depressing. I worry I can't cope with new situations eg having to go back to the employers office to work and no longer being able to work from home although I miss the contact at work sometimes and few isolated so it's a double edged sword there. I worry about being alone with my thoughts when my little one goes to kindy in over a years time, money etc. I would just love for my mind to be quiet!!

i have tried meditation, have you tried this at all? I feel it helps my mind to stop racing at night before I go to bed?

Chicken_Wings · ‎29-12-2015

So frustrating. Sometimes I even get mad. I'm not sure if I'm mad at myself or just mad at the GAD.

Im on an SSRI and also have a prescription for another drug to calm me, but I'm more than a little scared of drugs so I've only taken it once and even then I couldn't bring myself to take the whole pill.

My biggest fears are something bad happening to me or someone I love. Someone passing away or becoming very sick, that sort of thing. I want everything and everyone to be happy. Unfortunately, life doesn't always play along and things get put in our way that test us.

thats what my current relapse is about. My mum is sick.

i think a lot about the future and about purpose and many of my fears come from that. The best way I have found to deal with it is to be busy and to have goals.

as much as it is comfortable to stay home because you know what to expect and you feel safe, having an office to go to really is healthy. It forces you to keep on task and not let your brain wander. People in the office have stories and things happen, it's a busy and interesting place and it's stimulating.

sometimes when my brain won't switch off I just lay down in front of tv or listening to a YouTube video on my phone in bed. It's just to give my brain something to think about other than what I know I'm scared of and give me a chance to rest. But for me this is more likely to happen in the early hours of the morning. When it's too early to get up but I just can't stay asleep for worrying.

Mummybee · ‎29-12-2015

This is so true.

im the same. One thing leads to the other and it takes a while to break the cycle. And what a horrible cycle it is. At least we know that it keeps turning around and that no phase lasts forever?

i understand you though. I miss the old me every day.

Mummybee

Girlbond_007 · ‎29-12-2015

Gosh this sounds so much like me.

Girlbond_007 · ‎29-12-2015

Yes this is true mummybee, however I wish I could just stop it all together, maybe I will be able to but maybe not either. at least I can hope hey?

Girlbond_007 · ‎29-12-2015

I forgot to say, I agree with you that a work environment is better than being at home however my work environment with this employer has changed over the years from a large office with lots of staff to now a home office and less than 3 in the office one would include me and the other two are the director and site manager who are rarely in anyway. It got quite depressing leading to the end of my pregnancy to be there actually. So I am unsure what I am going to do as I think there will only be enough for me to work casual hours anyway so it may be financially better for me to just stay at home. I do however go in once a week to d filing etc which is good sometimes they are there sometimes not.

I also am on antidepressant medication and another which is only new ( past month) to help racing thoughts and I have a sedative if required but am scared to take those fearing addiction so only take when I need to calm down. I think the new medication needs tweaking and am hoping to get that sorted next week.