The slow battle

[Wagtail84]

Hi everyone, I’m here tonite because sometimes - not all the time- but sometimes I feel like it is all very hopeless. 
It feels like- if I have a great therapy session then I’ll have a physical hiccup, if I get through a week of elevated panic attacks and get some respite then my insomnia will kick back in to exacerbate the cycle. 
If my daily anxiety disappears for a whole day or two then life admin will exhaust me while I try and tick boxes social or family or obligations otherwise. 
and so it begins again. The spiral back and forth between what feels like juggling multiple mental health issues and the affiliated crap your body processes alongside all that too. 
it feels… never ending 

it feels … tortuous 

and I feel like… a solution will never be forthcoming or available. 
And as I’m sure anyone here knows or on some level understands, it feels lonely. 
And I’m tired of the pain. 
But I’m just here to vent, needed to get that out. It seems to get worse at night? Anyone else find that? Any symptoms or flare ups after dark? 
I do know tomoro is another day. 

wag x 

[mmMekitty]

Hello Wag

It's like that, eh? A rollercoaster, a bumpy road, hills & valleys, or even like being a ball in a huge pinball machine.

I have thought the nights are worse, mostly because there are fewer things to keep me distracted than there are during the day.

However, taking a long look back, I can see that over all I am better in many ways than I was. Admittedly, my physical health may have been worse than I knew, because then I was paying no attention to that. Now I'm getting older & have learned ways I can manage my psychological well-being better, my physical health is more fragile. So  now I have to focus on that more than ever before.

It sure does feel good to have a rave obout how you are feeling about the turbulence of life, though, don't it? You are welcome to vent here anytime.

Hugzies

mmMekitty

[Wagtail84]

Thanks for replying mmMekitty 

love that user name haha 

yep you got that right! 
I know it’s really just life in general it doesn’t stop it just keeps coming, but I do need to just say it out loud sometimes or in this case write it out. 
like that makes what I’m feeling somehow more real but also validated. Like I’m not going crazy 

it’s a thing, it gets overwhelming, it’s here to stay but it’s not just me. 
I’m glad to hear you’ve found some manageable solutions. And I do hope the physical health side of things isn’t too bad, that sounds stressful combined with getting older and I’m sure grateful you took the time to offer me some support 

wag x 

(you know I have a cat perched on my rib cage right now thank goodness for purring frequencies and it’s the only thing getting me through the evening I swear hehe) 

[mmMekitty]

Thanks Wag.

A lot of the time we might wish things would just go away, but that's all just that - a wish.

It's rather like my eyesight, very, very poor, (none at  all on the right), & not going to improve. All we can do is manage, trying to keep it from getting worse until there is no sight in my left either.

My mental health is not in the same bad state my eyes are in. I have more options for managing my mental health than I do for my eyesight. I think you do too.

Writing is still one of my favourite ways of managing my mental health.

Writing is not the only way to express what we are thinking & feeling. You can delve in & find what is at the centre & give it a visual form, 2D (picture) or 3D (a physical form) or 4D (song I guess). I painted for a while. Not a songwriter, I would like to sing the songs I heard which seemed to express my emotions.

One of the things I loved best about my cat, Mekitty, was when she would purr while lying next to me. I would reach to pet her while she purred & then continue until she fell asleep. Those minutes wer so peaceful & helped me so much. Tha't's her in my picture. The extra 'mm' of my username is her purring. I might have made it longer, but, thought 'mmMekitty' is enough.

Hugzies

mmMekitty