Stuggling along

[123cats]

Hi 👋 

Hope everyone has managed through Christmas ok ! I actually had a good Christmas Day and even though it was low key I enjoyed it, I even went for a swim in the ocean which was so nice and the first I had done so in years. For reasons I can only guess at from Boxing Day onwards I’ve felt very low again mood wise and anxiety has ramped up again. I’ve resorted back to taking just one day at a time and trying to get through that day. I might list one or two things I need to do and just try to achieve those things but Im mostly just reading to pass time. I also have been making myself do a meditation or positive affirmations each day and trying to keep my exercise routine going which is strength trying 3 times a week and a 45min walk the other days. I’ve got myself back onto a mostly clean diet after some derailing over Christmas. Basically I’m trying to think of and do anything I can do to help myself through this. I have to admit though it’s really like I’ve taken 10steps backwards at the moment and I get really scared I’m going to go right back to square one. I’m trying to practice radical acceptance of the current situation … embracing & welcoming my old friends depression and anxiety with open arms in an attempt to roll with it more so than fight up against it…. that doesn’t come naturally though so it’s trying to keep reminding myself. Trying to find a solid piece of your own mind to stand on is a real drag. Anyway I’m just venting mainly … usually I journal but today I thought I’d share on here.

Cheers D

[justcant]

Hi there ☺️

I’m so glad to hear you had a nice Christmas Day!

I can totally understand that feeling. I often get the “post holiday blues” after Christmas too. I think it’s like a “the magic of the season is over and back to reality” type thing. And the prospect of a new year can be daunting.

I’m in the same boat as you just taking it one day at a time. It’s actually a reminder in my phone. I’m suffering with anxiety a depression quite badly now too. 

That’s great that you have started some positive steps for your health! Looking after yourself is so important regardless of how your mind may trick you into not thinking so.

May I ask, do you have a therapist or other support network? 

I know it’s a horrible drag but keep looking after yourself, make sure you do something nice for yourself everyday and keep taking it one day at a time 💖 You will make it though.

Sarah.

[sbella02]

123cats,

Thank you for posting on the forums, we warmly welcome you. I'm also an avid journal-user, and I too find comfort in posting on the forums. It's sometimes nice to have the support and advice of others who understand what you're going through.

I'd say it's fairly common to break healthy habits during Christmas time. Dieting tends to go out the window for a good piece of Christmas pudding or trifle, and I think that's more than okay. It's nice to treat ourselves every once in a while, especially if we're following a rigorous diet or exercise plan.

You're right, there is a period between Christmas and New Year's that can feel really heavy or unproductive, or even anxiety-inducing, and I'd say that's fairly normal as well. I'm glad to hear that you've been taking steps to make yourself feel better. I'm a huge fan of positive affirmations, as I've recently come to learn that our brains will believe anything that we tell it, whether it's true or not. So, if we tell ourselves positive things frequently, we're more likely to view ourselves in a positive light, which gives us more motivation and strength to be productive and pursue things that we want to get done.

I also like that you've mentioned creating a small list of things that you want to do each day. I heard somewhere that starting your day by making your bed or a similar mundane task helps give you that first little boost of achievement and motivation that you need to follow through with other, larger tasks for the rest of the day.

I applaud you for everything that you're doing for your wellbeing. Taking it one day at a time is one of the best ways to start feeling better. Keep it up!

All the best, SB

[123cats]

Thanks for your reply @justcant - I actually have had a bit better day today so far. I had to get up and out to get my daughter to work and was able to get some errands done and some outside work done tgat needed doing desperately - just getting some stuff done makes one feel like at least something has been accomplished today!! 
Im sorry you are going through this horrid stuff as well… you wouldn’t wish it on anyone would you. 
I have a psychiatrist I will see next week and I need to get to the Drs and get a mental health plan for this year so I can have some sessions with a psychologist again. I don’t really have any other supports as it’s me and my daughter and she is only a teen so I avoid sharing too much with her as she will just worry about her Mum. So that’s why I guess I’m turning to online.

Anyway we just need to keep plugging away at this one day at a time for sure.

D 

[123cats]

Thanks for your reply SB ….today has been bit better so hopefully 🤞 we trend more in that direction 😑

Again thanks for taking the time to reply … means a lot. 

D

[therising]

Hi 123cats

I think depression can be tough (putting it mildly) for so many different reasons and I imagine you can relate to a lot of them

• The '1 step forward 2 steps back' factor at times (or 10 steps back)
• The disappointment factor, when coming down out of what actually felt good for a change
• Not being able to pinpoint exactly what the downshift is about
• Trying to create the best recipe for success (regarding how we want to feel) and you can just feel you're missing some key ingredients but you can't work out what they are
• Not being able to identify certain feelings or emotions
• The depressing inner dialogue that can come about, seemingly out of nowhere at times

Just a handful of the many challenges.

While being told in the earlier years 'It's most likely in your nature that you will suffer from depression, probably for the rest of your life', of course I found that rather depressing and it felt hopeless too, understandably. But then a different spin on it came only recently, in my early 50s, through a far more helpful perspective: 'If you're a natural born feeler, it's going to be in your nature to feel so much'. 123cats, if you're also sensitive to feeling just about everything, we'll feel highs and lows. We'll be able to feel the side effects of certain depressing chemical imbalances. We'll feel people bring us down, put us down and keep us down but we'll also feel people raising us (our consciousness and our spirits). We'll feel what works and what doesn't, in the way of our mental, physical and soulful sense of wellbeing. We'll feel our inner dialogue while also being able to feel the highly questionable and sometimes depressing or stressful things people say to us at times. We'll feel other people's emotions and we'll feel the 'lost sense of self' factor at times, which can be filled with a unique kinda grief. The adventurer in us no longer being channeled to life on a regular basis definitely can have a feel to it, as can the adventurer in us screaming 'I'M BORED. LIVING LIKE THIS IS DEPRESSING!'. Basically, we will feel everything. From pure excitement to pure exhaustion, from pure inspiration to pure depression (aka rock bottom), from one extreme to the other and everything in between. If we're born to feel, that will be our experience.

Whether we're feeling our connection with nature, through the sensations of the ocean and its liberating breezes (so beautiful), or feeling our way through one day at a time, sometimes it's about feeling a difference in the moment and developing our ability to do just that.