Dear Mapi00
Hello and welcome. What a brave post you have written. This must have been hard to do as, although you know yourself, telling other people and opening up about yourself takes a lot of courage.
Revisiting the past is often difficult for everyone. We all have skeletons we would prefer to keep in the closet but insist on coming out. If you can put them behind you that's great but it is hard to do. You tell us you have taken medication, seen various therapists etc in the past. Do you know why this has not been successful? Have you not got on with the therapist, no relief with meds, not implemented any therapies? It is such a shame that after so much effort and input you are walking away still attached to your anxiety.
Have you ever explained to your counsellors the things you have written above? I can relate to your difficulty in making and keeping friends because you constantly worry about asking too much. Unfortunately anxiety and depression do this to us. I find when my brain is rehashing various scenarios and wishing I could go back and change them
I need a distraction. For me, meditation is the answer. I meditate, or at least try, twice daily. Overall this helps me relax because meditation is reaching into yourself for your own strength rather than relying on others. When you become a little more settled with yourself it become easier to act and react more naturally.
Please continue to write in.
Mary
