Struggling with anxiety and stress.

CrazyGecko89 · ‎05-03-2019

After trying to help a friend deal with depression they've suddenly stopped talking and even blocked contact. Since they live alone I don't know if their ok or if the situation is temporary and they need some time alone. Unfortunately all the second guessing has caused my anxiety and stress to hit hard.

I've spent the last few days feeling sick, fatigued both emotionally and physically it makes day to day activities a struggle. I've tried distracting myself with varying success but the two questions of are they ok? and is the block temporary? keeps resurfacing making things draining.

white knight · ‎06-03-2019

Hi CG, welcome

The reason you are stressed is because you cared. You tried helping your friend.

How other people react to us when we try to reach out is, largely up to them. We have no control over that.

Your assistance should be measured so as not to overload the one in need. That is the risk in helping others.

I had a friend once, I'd known him 30 years. I helped him deal with the grief of losing his father. Then he complained I "smothered him". He broke contact. The last time I heard about him was he was close friends with two guys that never comforted him at all during that tough time.

Sometimes humans think strangely. Time is a healer, try to move forward

Google

Beyondblue Topic who cries over spilt milk?

TonyWK

CrazyGecko89 · ‎06-03-2019

I had a look at the topic and it was certainly informative so thanks for sharing it.

I guess why it hit so hard was for the first couple of weeks I would get messages almost everyday and at all hours because she wanted to talk. We met up once and they mentioned about cutting contact with someone else as their help had a hidden agenda and she wasn't happy about it. Afterwards she was quiet for a few more weeks so the messages were sent several days apart just asking how things are going but they were being read just no response then all of a sudden the block came in with no warning.

After my head cleared up a bit I realised I missed a message she'd sent had two parts. The top part talked about thanks for the day out and wanting to catch up again but the part I missed was that she wanted time to herself to clear her mind and was going to be offline for a bit. So I won't deny and say I probably over did it and it was likely too much at once.

I asked my friends about it and their views are that she just needs time alone and this was the only way to get it without being rude and just need to be patient. Also the lack of a goodbye or go away message seemed to lean towards an ok resolution "we think".

The stress has eased up but the anxiety is still there.

Jessicaloveslife22 · ‎06-03-2019

Hey:).

It's really hard with depression I know I myself have done the same thing when during really bad times as it is exhausting even talking with so many overwhelming feelings going on and even constructive and helpful chats with friends can be overwhelming which is one of the most odd things about depression to me and anxiety. All I can say as a way of support from my own experience is that I reckon they're just feeling really overwhelmed and it wouldn't be you it'd be the feelings they are feeling but if completely wrong I truly hope in time things work out with you and them. At my worst if someone even said hello to me that was enough for me to end up agitated, exhausted or having a panic attack or reclusing from people it's a horrible thing to live with you and them have done nothing wrong I truly hope all works out with you and them. I really find that being alone can be the hardest thing and I know one of the most important things others that are not depressed or anxious tell me is that it is not my fault it is not me it is the illness. This is so true. It isn't you and it isn't them. xx. Jess.

CrazyGecko89 · ‎06-03-2019

Thanks Jess that certainly helps.

I had depression myself over a year ago and for the first week I was bedridden and only had enough energy for the bare basics like water and going to the toilet and after that my friends found out what happened and the initial surge of messages was a lot to deal with at first but they were just worried. After going to the doctor's and getting medication I ended up being just as chatty as them but was still fairly fatigued but what also helped was that none of my friends tried to take advantage of me either.

Despite what happened I'm not angry or disappointed by the sudden move just worried that she's ok but since there was no fallout messages and she wanted to catch up again it's just a uncertain wait hopefully. It is hard not trying to blame myself as it felt like the support was too much too soon as what worked for me didn't seem to help her. At the moment I'm even sure what to do if she contacts me again.

CrazyGecko89 · ‎12-03-2019

Just a update.

Been about a week since it happened and heard nothing back yet but the stress and anxiety has dropped a lot. Thankfully my other friend has been very supportive and has certainly encouraged me that it's ok to put myself first and start doing it more often.