Sometimes I just want to take the day off work and do nothing

ZiggOh · ‎25-09-2018

As the title implies, sometimes I call in sick to work (who know about my anxiety issues), stay in bed and relax and read things on my phone and not change out of my sleep clothes.

however, how can I do this without feeling guilty? I’ve had a tough year that’s involved dropping out of my PhD due to negative feedback about my progression, working a new job due to this but back at my old work which was hard to get used to after being a student, a relationship were we almost broke up but is going good now, family members in hospital for serious illnesses, boyfriends friend commit suicide and Grandpa dying, boyfriend away for Work etc. which are all new experiences. Plus I’ve two House twice in the last 2 months (however we have signed a 2 years lease so hello stability!). So I know I really need to have nothing days sometimes but why can’t I just accept it’s okay to stay home and feel good about it? Can any one relate?

Your help would be great!

Zig

Fizz_wizz · ‎25-09-2018

Hi ziggOh

Yes I can certainly relate to you. Firstly I just want to say I'm sorry to hear about all the challenges you've had to face and the people that are I'll in your life it's a lot to deal with for sure. But I'm exactly the same, some days I need to just stay in bed in my pjs where I feel comfortable. You should never feel guilty about how you cope with your anxiety we are all different and have different methods of coping with our anxiety. I also have nothing days where I'll either do nothing or spend time with my pets or what ever makes me feel good. Anxiety takes a lot out of your body so it's no wonder we like to just chill sometime. But don't feel guilty as your not alone and anxiety is actually illness not just being lazy we cant help who we are so embrace it and be proud of who you are.

jess334 · ‎02-10-2018

Hi ZiggOh,

Thanks for posting. Sorry to hear about your year. Sounds like a tough time.

I also have mental health days, where I stay at home from work and enjoy having time to myself without anyone else around. I think it's necessary to recharge my brain & body. Especially now that I live with my partner. I didn't have to do it often when I lived alone.

I also feel guilty sometimes. I try and remind myself that as long as I am not doing it too often that it's ok. I still want to be seen as reliable by my employees. I sometimes find it easier to book a day off, specifically to do nothing instead of calling in sick. Then I can enjoy it 100%.

Hope you can enjoy some time off without the guilt.

Jess

Jane_W1 · ‎19-10-2018

Hey ZiggOh.

I feel for you. Wanted to share that I am at the final leg of my phd but I'm nearly giving up. I can't seem to resume work full throttle, my results are incomplete, my supervisors unreliable (I'm scared of one), and I am married with a husband (so a lot of family obligations). I have looming phd deadlines but I'm paralysed from anxiety and fear. I don't wanna give up my phd (ego and the regret that would surely ensue) but I don't know what to do. any advice?

Hope_for_the_best · ‎20-10-2018

Hi Jane_Wong,

I have been in your place before. It is overwhelming to put all your results together in a thesis. A thesis is very consuming, not to mention family obligations. If you don't mind me asking, when are you supposed to submit? Depending on your uni, you may be able to extend your deadline, although you cannot extend your scholarship beyond the 3.5-year mark. For me, thanks to two toxic supervisors, I was forced to extend my deadline twice. Anyway, I would suggest that you layout your thesis chapters and work from there. Take things one step at a time, maybe a subsection a day. It is normal that you will be productive on some days and get a lot done. Some days, however, you may find it difficult to write anything - that's perfectly okay. On those days, give yourself a break and do something that you like.

Does your school have any counselling services? It is helpful to talk to a counsellor about your anxiety and fear.

I can relate to the agony of meeting a scary supervisor, but it is important to work out a plan with them, especially on turnaround of your drafts. Try to think of the great thing on the other side - once you get this thesis done, you can say goodbye to them. That's how I got through my final months of PhD. I am now a post-doctoral with a great supervisor 😄

Please feel free to post back anytime. Wishing you the very best!

Jane_W1 · ‎22-10-2018

Dear Hope.for.the.best,

I’m supposed to submit by the end of the year, and I have already had an extension granted to me. Yes you’re right, one step at a time seems very logical, but I am quite overwhelmed by the never ending work, and I’m so pressured by the time and obligations I have. Not to mention the dynamics with my supervisors that have become more challenging over time.

I have thought of speaking to a counselor, but I think the ones at my uni aren’t trustworthy (I’ve heard accounts of this) and hence my attempt to ask around here.

I really do hope I can get this whole thing done. Some days I am more hopeful, others I’m stuck. I don’t even think I want to pursue academia after this. I was told yesterday by a cousin that many people give up at the most crucial times, when if they had in fact held on a little longer, they’d have made it. I want to believe that if I hold on now, I’ll be able to make it through. It’s just difficult sometimes because academic and at times emotional (empathetic) support isn’t always there.

Hope_for_the_best · ‎23-10-2018

I can totally relate. In fact, I was going through exactly the same thing towards the end of my PhD. I have 3 supervisors, and 2 of them were toxic, i.e. trying to withhold my submission and asking me to do a lot of work unrelated to my project. It was not until that other supervisor stepped in did I manage to submit my thesis and confer my PhD. Your cousin is right that you can get through if you hold on. Believe in yourself! If your uni counselling centre is not great, maybe you can ask your family/friends if they know any good counselling services in your area. Your GP can help with that too.

Speaking from my experience, I would say break things down and take frequent and short breaks to avoid getting too overwhelmed, e.g. take a 15 min break every hour. It is all too easy to get distracted by what's next when you are in the write-up stage. I was also told by many people, including those 2 toxic supervisors, that I must know exactly what I would do after PhD. I decided to focus on my thesis and get it out of my way first, as I had too much to worry. It happened that that supportive supervisor got funding for a project that I am very interested in, so that's how I got my post-doctoral position. Even though I am staying in academia for the time being, I am still not 100% sure whether I will go down this path. So try not to stress about that - things will work out! Very importantly, a doctoral degree does not necessarily mean a career in academia. There are many other options out there.

I will be here to offer you emotional support 🙂

ZiggOh · ‎22-11-2018

Thanks for your reply. It is also good to hear that we all cope differently and I shouldn't feel guilty for how I cope. Today again I took another day off. I guess I feel bad because I work casually and when I don't work I don't get paid but I know I can manage and not take too much time off. I also get guilty about letting my team at work down, even though a lot of other people take time off and they know I have anxiety, I sometimes still use physical sicknesses as an excuse. But knowing that this is a normal way to cope and knowing I shouldn't feel guilty helps 🙂 Its strange I care what people at work think when I dont like my job and really dont like the people that I think will have an opinion on my absents!

Jane_W1 · ‎28-01-2019

Hi. I've been feeling a little better about myself, but my work is still not going as fast as I wished. I am starting to realise that my frustration at how much needs to be done, along with my impatience at how long it'll take, have caused me to lose the mental battle.

Right now I've realised that I need to want it badly enough, and that I should learn to manage myself, be independent. I've come to terms with the possibility that I may need to extend my submission date, even though I'm hopeful that I don't need to, but I want to stay motivated and consistent.

I also realise that I've become more recluse from other people, especially those I don't trust, because I just don't want to know too much about their lives without fixing mine. It has caused me to be distant but I really feel it helps me a lot to have my own space.

Yet at the same time, I'm imagining finishing my thesis so that I won't have further embarrassment with my friends, should I fail to not complete this.

SO so many things going through my head! it's so overwhelming sometimes. Is the motivation to simply 'get rid/finish off' with the PhD a good thing? because that's what I feel now, because I feel like it's holding me back from so many things I want to do 😞

Guest_829 · ‎28-01-2019

I can relate to the mental health days you have off work.sometimes its what I need to do to look after my own well being, but you still feel awful about letting down your co-workers and employers.but if it helps me get through the impossible brick walls and sort something out then thats what I need to do.a lot of people might feel better if they did the same.if it helps it can't be all bad.