Socially Ungifted

[Gwen_777]

Hi there,

Is anyone else out there having a difficult time with all the social interactions that we have at this time of year.

I've found myself sitting in the corner most of the time....wishing I had the guts to get up and join in with a conversation.

This happens even when I'm with people I know. It always feels like I just don't fit in.

My bf has an extremely outgoing family, that are all very loud and bf feels I'm not trying hard enough to 'fit in' !!!

Im in my forties and I feel im much less shy in most social situations than I ever was in my youth.

Does anyone else feel trapped by social anxiety?

[Croix]

Dear Gwen 777
Thanks for joining and posting, it can seem a very big step from the outside. It’s a good one though as here there are people that have walked just about all life’s paths and want to give those that follow a helping hand

Christmas is a hard time of year for many people, and social interactions one of the main causes

There’s a couple of things you said that do resonate with me:

Sitting away from others, feeling you need guts to join in – it appears to you to be a difficult thing to do

You were shy in your youth, and can still feel you don’t fit in – even with familiar people

Have you ever considered that you are the 1 in around 5 who is a ‘Highly Sensitive Person’? I’m not sure if this is a technical term, however people of this sort have typical strengths and difficulties not present in the rest

Typically they think more deeply, get more information and meaning out of interactions, prefer one-on-one to groups. They have a lively inner world and much else. As a rule such a person can think that not fitting in is a personal shortcoming, a feeling that leads to doubting self-worth. Often represented as 'shy'

As someone that has scored very highly on the HSP scale may I suggest you have a look at a short book that deals with the subject, setting out the characteristics and advantages of such persons, and also gives many handy tips on dealing with social situations?

The publication in question is Highly Sensitive People in an Insensitive World by Ilse San.
It may be available at your local library, I downloaded my copy - it was not in the least expensive

White Rose has written a short précis of the book in her second post at:

Forums / Staying well / Helpful books and resources

On another matter I'd be personally rather disappointed if my BF did not see that I was uncomfortable and take steps to put me at ease, instead of saying 'try harder' -perhaps I misunderstand.

Please continue to post as often as you’d like – you will be sure of a warm understanding welcome.

My best wishes

Croix (who has no links whatsoever with the publisher 🙂

[Quiettall]

Hello

Ifeel very much the same as Croix when it comes to her sentiments to you. It is difficult to join in when you dont feel motivated or included or part of the group. I sometimes feel similar with my in-laws as they seem more interested in themselves and their family dramas than anything else. Come to think of it, so do my own siblings that live near me in Brisbane.

It is worth checking out the reading Croix mentioned. Dont beat up on yourself, and maybe your bf needs to spend time trying to understand you and make the effort to include you more.

Keep posting and there will be others here to support you