Social anxiety

Turquoise123 · ‎25-10-2020

Hi,

I feel like my social anxiety is getting out of control and really affecting my life.
And I'm so scared that I'm going to feel like this for life.

It's gotten worse with lockdown restrictions easing. Me and my partner have been meeting his friends and although they're all nice, I just can't relax and enjoy myself. I feel like I look anxious and then I panic because I haven't said anything for a while and I just feel like I'm going to be known as the boring one.

It's so frustrating because I have a bubbly personality, I just find it impossible to show in a group setting with new people. It's making me dread the weekends because I know we'll be seeing people.

I actually find it easier meeting strangers for example rather than with my partner and his friends because I feel so embarrassed him seeing me like that.

I think I've come to a point where I know I should go to therapy, but I'm so scared that it won't work and that's my last hope. I'm generally a happy person, but the social anxiety is making me depressed. I just wish I could fake looking confident, but I know I just sit there looking nervous, which in turn makes me more nervous.

I'd say I've had social anxiety for 15 years maybe, but it's definitely getting worse. I just want to enjoy life, I feel so sad to think I'm spending all my time worrying about future social events, then worrying about how I looked after.

It's so crippling and I just wish there was a quick fix. I've spoken to my partner about it but I know he thinks it isn't that bad. Maybe because we haven't had to be in many social situations the last few months.

I'm from the UK and once restrictions ease I plan to join some groups and put myself out there. Although I know I'll just be a shell of myself. I just want to be happy and carefree again.

Croix · ‎25-10-2020

Dear Turquoise123~

Welcome here to the forum, I think if you read some of the treads many others will have found themselves in similar situations, not just because of Covid restrictions easing, but in ordinary life.

Beyond blue has some pages on this here which you might like to read

https://coronavirus.beyondblue.org.au/managing-my-daily-life/staying-connected/managing-social-anxie...

and also here

https://coronavirus.beyondblue.org.au/managing-my-daily-life/staying-connected/managing-social-anxie...

The latter specifically deals with the easing situation as lock-down finishes

Any anxiety condition can be very hard to live with and I guess having has some sort of reprieve when you could not meet new people it has a sort of heightened effect now. In addition I'd imagine as you keep seeing your partner's friends it has a sort of cumulative effect when you remember previous times.

There is good news. I have a slightly different anxiety condition and it has responded well to treatment, both medication and therapy in my case, and now I no longer am beset by the same problems to anything like the extent I was before.

May I suggest you book a long consultation with your GP and explain how you have been feeling for the last 15 years, and how the current circumstances may be making matter worse.

Apart from medical support can I ask who else is there for you, have you for example told your partner, a family member or friend who will care and listen, even help in an awkward pause in a conversation?

Please let me know what you think

Croix

Guest_0753 · ‎26-10-2020

Hello Turquoise123,

I completely understand the feeling of this taking over my life too and it being crippling and unbearable. I am even at a point where I have had enough and want to do something because it is getting in the way of me getting a boyfriend and having a social life which I currently don't have and it gets me down. I don't want to be living at home and working to the bone for ever.

You are not alone with restrictions easing as it is making me nervous with the thought of having to force myself to see people when I am not very good at social skills and haven't got much planned in my life apart from work

Even for me, I don't like group settings much, I do better in one on one scenarios

I am at a point where I feel I am holding myself back to enjoying life too

I think that is a good idea to join groups to get yourself out their and that you have your partner with you and you are lucky you have a bubbly personality. I am the more shy observer type. I know it would be good for me to consider doing hobbies. I am also scared to enter therapy as I have never done it before but might even consider a GP appointment first

Good luck 🙂

Turquoise123 · ‎28-10-2020

Hey!
I'm sorry to hear you feel like this too, it sucks doesn't it.
Are you in Melbourne?
Yes I'm the same I do better in one to one situations too.
Have you spoken to anyone?
I've only really just started properly speaking about it after realising that pretending I don't have a problem and keeping it to myself is never going to fix the problem.
Even though it's still here I feel like it has a little less power over me.
I actually went to see a therapist too. It was daunting but it was so nice to hear a logical explanation for why we think think these things and she had other great ways of making it make sense.
One thing she said that stuck with me is that we need quiet people, if we were all loud etc it just wouldn't work. We need the different personalities. She made it sound better though haha.
I'll come back and check this thread soon 🙂
Take care

Turquoise123 · ‎28-10-2020

Hi Croix,
Thanks for your reply!
I actually went to see a therapist yesterday which was helpful.obviously a long way to go and a lot to think about.
Yes I talk to my sister back home in the UK and my partner here, he's supportive but he doesn't really believe how bad it is, because I'm fine with him and he hasn't noticed the extent of how nervous I get before and during social events etc. But I've only really just started telling the extent of it.
I'm really pleased that you've taken control of your anxiety, it must have been a hard process.
Thanks again for taking the time to message

Croix · ‎29-10-2020

Dear Turquoise123~

All that sounds most hopeful, and if your husband is supportive maybe it is a matter of education, as unless you have been there yourself it is very hard to imagine.

My wife was a lot happier after my psychiatrist explained to her the typical symptoms of PTSD, depression and anxiety I was exhibiting. She then knew it was not her and in some senses not me. Perhaps a visit to your therapist or even just reading what Beyond Blue has to say might give him more of an idea. There is a good and comprehensive pamphlet here

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/docs/default-source/default-document-library/bl0509-social-phobia.pdf?...

I hope this helps

Croix

Davidc · ‎30-10-2020

Social anxiety disorder (also called social phobia) is a mental health condition. It is an intense, persistent fear of being watched and judged by others. This fear can affect work, school, and your other day-to-day activities. It can even make it hard to make and keep friends. But social anxiety disorder doesn’t have to stop you from reaching your potential. Treatment can help you overcome your symptoms.

Guest_0753 · ‎30-10-2020

Yeah and it hurts that someone said to me do you have a social life? boyfriend? friends? I felt embarrassed but stood there and took it. I feel like saying, excuse me you do not no my story

romantic_thi3f · ‎30-10-2020

Hi Turquoise123,

I'm glad you're getting so much support here.

I just wanted to stop by and let you know that unfortunately no member can contact any other member outside of these forums. While I know it would be so ideal sometimes, it's the communities way of keeping everyone as safe and anonymous as they can be.

For more info on this, here's the website - https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/community-rules

rt