Social anxiety: a barrier to learning?

[Polka_Dots]

I have social anxiety (depression and regular anxiety as well) and it affects my ability to learn things, both
academic and recreational.

Recreational activities are worst because the teachers are not trained to deal with it because their training would be short. Even if you tell them you have anxiety they don’t recognise it and just teach how they know. “Don’t panic” is their useless advice. I don’t blame them because they are not taught. But I get mad that if there’s a physical injury in class the teachers are so vigilant but no one even notices if I’m panicking let alone does anything to help. I sign up for something active and fun. I am not a natural athlete and am a slow hesitant learner. I also feel like I must succeed to handle my illness and to not look dumb=pressure. Then, I start to feel everyone is watching me so I get embarrassed that I’m not learning as fast as my classmates. Then everyone gets ahead, even if it’s my 10th session and they’ve been doing it for 5 minutes- I’m still where I was before Lesson 1 and they’re great. I get more scared to try in front of others- it's a positive feedback cycle that escalates my anxiety. Then I panic. Paralysed so much by fear I can't learn. Everytime it worsens because I feel  I should be further along and I also remember how anxious I was last time. I run out of classes, making 0 progress, as much as I want to learn the skill, I’m too embarrassed to go back because others only need 1 session to master Step 1, not 2 terms. The teachers talk about how great other students did, the students praise each other and I feel stupid and isolated. Everyone seems to be a natural and talented but me. I feel useless and unteachable because I am the only one who can’t. I cry for hours after and have a bad depressive episode for a week after, which gets worse each time. Then I hate myself that I’m depressed over a tiny thing. It compounds my depression because I see these all as yet more failed attempts to learn things and change my illness. I quit to avoid the frustration and embarrassment and because I’m a waste to teach- but am devastated because I want to do it badly. The cycle is unhealthy.

Does anyone else have similar experiences or perhaps suggestions on how to approach learning things? I’m out of appointments on my MHP and am keen to hear people’s advice should I want to try more things or get courage to go do these things again and also for my degree, where I can’t even show my teacher my work.

Thanks 🙂

[Neil_1]

Hi there polka dots,

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for coming here and providing your post.

Your post really strongly resonates of your ‘lack’ of picking things up and the learning of things … self-esteem seems to be very low.  Now, you’ve mentioned that you appear to be not learning as quickly as others and when we’re like this, we really do tend to make things stand out to be, potentially a lot worse than they are.  I know I’ve been guilty of this in the past.

You haven’t mentioned, that I can see, where any of the teachers have had to speak to you about your ‘alleged slow learning’.  Has this happened, or do you perhaps feel that the teachers are ‘ok’ with your progress so far?   If you’re unsure, it might be something worth bringing up with them to actually find out.  You could also give them the spiel where you feel that you’re not doing as well as you should.  If possible, I wouldn’t bring up comparisons with others … because we’re all going to be different at learning, where some will pick things up a lot quicker than others.  So there will always be a big variation when looking at a large number of students.

How do you feel you are going on the academic level?  Is this something you find better, easier or more manageable?

With regard to your last line, about where you’re not even able to show your teacher your work?  I’m a little confused about what you were meaning there?

Would love to hear back from you.

Neil

[Polka_Dots]

Hi Thanks to your reply,

 In regards to not showing teachers my work. That's just it. They give us work to do and I never get feedback on how I'm doing because I get to scared to show them my work. I'm also too scared to do demonstrations in front of the class or answer questions. So I'm at a huge disadvantage when it comes to bigger assessments and doing practical work because I have no idea how I'm doing and no practice doing the practical assessments. I think I'm not stupid bookwise and I guess I feel less self conscious learning theory stuff because no one watches you reading a book while you're at home alone. I just hate handing in work because I think the teachers will think I'm stupid or I didn't live up to the potential that they think I have. 

 I guess I focused more on the extras in my last post because you know everyone tells you when you have depression/anxiety that you should get out there and do meaningful activities with other people and learn new things. That's what all that Act Belong Commit stuff is about? I see a lot of merit in it and I think it will help but I am wondering how to make it work for me instead of set me back. They don't mention I'm doing badly because they know that I know. The gap between myself and the others is obvious. Unfortunately I can't not compare myself with others because have done it all the time for many years. It's the root cause of all my mental health problems though I try not to bring it up with others because, in the same way I think people don't like listneing to my problems, I'm sure listening to comparisons is tiring. 

With learning anything, be it academic or otherwise there is a part of me that knows I'm capable to varying degrees. And part of me is a perfectionist. But my anxiety stops me being capable in any form and that just brings in other types of anxiety that stop me learning completely. 

 Thanks so much for sharing your experience

[Snowe]

Hi Polka Dots,

I am going through a similar situation right now.  I have been limping through a degree one subject per semester since 2014, just scraping through mostly, with steadily building anxiety.  Last semester (last year) I dropped out of the subject I was doing because I'd had enough of the anxiety and only just passing.

It's 2:22am and I am supposed to be going to a practical at 8am but already after my first prac on Tuesday my anxiety is going through the roof and I don't think I will be going to this next one.  I was doing ok too, till yesterday, but anyways...

My pattern of behavior goes something like this: I get anxious about going to classes, assignments, exams, whatever, so then I will avoid doing any uni work because it makes me more stressed, then my anxiety ratchets up another level because another day goes by and I haven't done anything.  I also fear being judged (having work marked) and hate thinking people will think less of me.  That used to make me want to be a perfectionist, but I have been overcoming it in later years because it is endlessly frustrating.  I find it much more satisfying just aiming to do a good job, and to be a bit more patient about getting there.  Also I probably care a bit less about what other people think of me than I used to.

Last year my focus was shot.  Not long before that time I got hold of my old school reports and in virtually every one my teachers had some comment about daydreaming or not paying attention so I got a referral to a psychiatrist and am now taking meds for ADHD.  I have to say they work pretty well for me as long as my work is cut out for me at the start of the day.  It might be worth considering asking a doctor about ADHD.  I got an immediate confidence boost knowing I can sit down and do some sort of useful work for 8 hours in a day.

I'm still dealing with (mostly social and a bit of general) anxiety however, something I've had most of my life.  I was seeing a psychologist last year too and she introduced me to mindfulness meditation, and even though I don't do it often, It does have a real calming effect for a little while at least.  I think it probably needs to be done more habitually.  I just recently bought a couple of books on Acceptance Commitment Therapy.  I like the approach of ACT of not trying to "cure" anxiety but of accepting it and doing what you got to do anyway.  But it's early days and it seems I still have a lot of work ahead.

 Cheers, Snowe.