So apparently i'm not alone in this

[ruhroh]

Hello,

I've just joined the online community after reading one member's post about anxiety at uni which I related too A LOT. Up until now I've been telling myself that I don't have a legitimate excuse to be doing so badly in my uni studies - after all everyone has stuff they deal with and they still manage to get good grades and hold down a job and do all that independent life stuff - why do I find it so difficult? well my answer for that was because I must be an inept failure. I've been feeling like i don't have a right to be at uni because I'm not even doing difficult units yet I've already failed 2 in the past year and am constantly having to ask for special consideration and extensions on assignments, and even with those I still just scrape a P if I'm lucky.

I'm in recovery from an eating disorder at the moment, and I hear all the time that I must have perfectionism, right? Well I given my situation I highly doubt that - and I know others with an ED who are at uni and they actually do have perfectionism in they will start assignments a month early and cry if they get below a HD. I just don't fit in this stereotype and it makes me feel invalidated like I "don't properly" have an ED because I don't feel that I fit a variety of the stereotypic characteristics, but if i say this i feel others will just pigeonhole me as 'in denial' or as if i can't see myself realistically - which btw i can - it's just the stigma around having an ED means anything i say about myself doesn't really get acknowledged as truth, sometimes it's known as 'my truth' but never just 'the truth', yet more often than not those two things are the same. Anyways enough of that tangent ....

Right now I have an assignment that was due in 3 days ago which I still haven't finished, got granted an extension for, but now am putting it off even more cause I already feel like I've failed or should be failed because I'm just screwing things up for myself so I don't deserve anyones sympathy.

I'm sorry for going on such a rant, but yea. I know I haven't really asked for advice (kinda because i feel like i'd fail at following the advise anyways so why ask for it) but it I think it would be good to know if anyone else has had/is having a similar experience of life and what you did to manage everything, cause right now i feel like my life is in shambles and i don't know where to begin. Probs by finishing this essay, ay.

[OllieB]

Hi,

so you are definitely not alone. I think putting a lot of pressure on yourself to do well in your studies is completely normal, but there does come a point in which you have to manage your expectations. Firstly right off the bat I would recommend not comparing yourself to others, we all have different goals and are going through different things so getting a HD may be some peoples level of expectation, this doesn't mean it has to be yours, mange your goals independently and perhaps avoid any grade conversations for the time being.

Secondly, don't be disappointed when you fail or be afraid to fail, failure is a fact of life and sometimes subjects are just hard, I understand that is easier to say then accept but I have also failed units and know it can make you feel really bad, but at the end of the day if you try again or do what you can to make it up you will learn heaps from the experience anyway.

Finally in managing task I would recommend breaking it down write one simple task at the top of a blank page in the case of your essay this could be decide a topic on what to write or find three good resource or maybe a bit more ambitious write your intro, whatever it may be keep it simple and manageable. Don't have a time limit just sit down and complete this task once it has been completed tick, cross or highlight it on the page and below it write another task in a similar manner. I find this helps me avoid spiralling into a catastrophe and surprisingly enables you to complete larger tasks without stressing over how big they are. I also find at the end of the day it makes you feel accomplished even if you didn't quite finish your essay, but you completed quite a few task on your paper- also the satisfaction of crossing off something on a list is amazing- or maybe that's just me lol.

Other than that I would also recommend possibly reaching out to your uni for some help as there are certain programs and avenues in place to help with struggling students.

so I kind of gave some advice but there is no pressure to follow it I just know it helped me when I was failing and made things slightly more manageable.

hope this helps

-ollieB 🙂

[demonblaster]

😊 Hi and welcome to you both. You've landed at a very good place. People here are amazing and we all get pain so no judgement

Anyhoo just tagging for now.

See youse later ☺

[demonblaster]

Ruhroh hi again ☺ Ollie and readers to which I imagine many can relate to this.

It's not a good thing people being under so much pressure and whopping work loads when learning. I realize life and jobs have stress but not how learning under duress is the way.

Anyhoo Ollie that was a fantastic post full of wisdom and expressed beautifully with so much calming understanding. Good on you.

I too was thinking to try not to compare yourself to others Ruhroh although hard we all have different capabilities and are all still learning in life. Too much expectation on yourself can lead which it appears sadly to be doing to low self esteem and depression. It can help immensely believing in yourself Ruhroh it's like pathways open which allows learning as opposed to stress closing them.

Darl I think what you're not giving yourself credit and allowance for is you're in recovery. Kudos btw, overcoming an eating disorder that's huge. That sort of stuff really screws the mind around and you've not only found the strength to overcome applied and I imagine would still be feeling the psychological affects and be understandably feeling depleted. You're energy and strength will come back it's a lot to process.

Is there anyway you could maybe have a break and catch up later.

I think failure isn't necessarily a bad thing hun, we can learn from it. It was hard but you'll probs be more knowledgable on that because you've gone through it again.

Ollies suggest taking bites at it is a gooden. It's overwhelming seeing the big picture. Chip chip away. True a satisfaction washes over when you get some done and it's a great motivator.

Also I wonder can you talk to a counsellor there I think could be of benefit to you, they'd understand the pressure and what goes for what you've been and going through.

Remember as often as you can nice gentle deep breathing and feel the rubbish stress leave your body on exhaling.

Hold in there Ruhroh you're good enough to be in Uni and you'll get through with perseverance.

Hope to see you again when and if you're up to it ☺

Cya both be gentle with yourselves we deserve it ⚘