Dear Guest,
I am wondering how your daughter's autistic burnout is presenting and the same for you as well with all you are struggling with? I am an adult with almost certainly undiagnosed autism myself (definitely neurodivergent) and I also used to work with autistic kids as an education assistant.
One thing I have found that helps for myself and I saw in the kids as well, was finding one thing that just allows the nervous system to really have a break - or a circuit breaker. Sometimes that one thing can really lift an individual because the nervous system can finally let go of some of its hypervigilance, which can be so intense in autism. I thought I'd list some of the things that I remember helping the kids and some things that have helped me, in case it's in any way helpful. Apologies if they are things you've tried already or you know won't work with your daughter or for you.
Time in nature - For me this really works if I can find a place I can just rest and be for an extended period. I will literally just lie on a rock next to the ocean or on a bench next to a river (which I did today) and just absorb the surroundings. It can take 3 hours for my system to settle sometimes. But even just walking and exploring in nature, which I did the other day in a forest area, really does shift something in my nervous system. I have seen kids with both autism and ADHD shift into a different state in a nature setting, like it just starts to calm and regulate them. I know this may not work for all individuals or all the time.
Animals - Does your daughter connect with animals at all? I have seen contact with animals make a big difference for some individuals with autism. Sometimes there are local places that do horse riding with autistic kids and teenagers. I've also read of several accounts of a companion animal, such as a cat or dog, literally transforming things for a child with autism. It has to be the right animal with the right connection with the individual, but when it clicks it can totally shift the person's nervous system into a much more regulated state, and therefore reduce burnout and also help with recovery from it.
Music - One of the kids I worked with who was super hypervigilant, really responded to music. He'd dance like crazy to it for ages and it was obviously serving a purpose for him to release the amount of tension in his nervous system. With other kids I could see how it was really self-soothing to hear music they liked. Is there any music your daughter likes and connects with?
Drawing - I also found some kids were really self-soothed by drawing and colouring, especially something relating to a special interest. It could have a calming effect when they were overwhelmed.
Calming sensory input - I have hyperacusis and in the past I've had to wear ear plugs to cope with my surroundings and even sunglasses indoors to cope with overhead light. I'm sure you have looked into those things already but I guess anything that helps to reduce sensory stimuli that can be too much can be helpful. I'm wondering how well your daughter can communicate about how things may affect her and if there is anything in her current day-to-day life that may be a bit of a sensory struggle?
Is your daughter speaking, non-speaking or minimally speaking? I'm just wondering where she is at. Doing everything on your own is so challenging. I feel like the ideal is finding things that both you and your daughter finding soothing, that bring some peace and relief for both of you. I'm sure everything is really demanding that you are dealing with and it's challenging to find time and opportunities to try different things, and probably hard financially as well. I guess I'm just wondering what your days and weeks are like, what your daughter's situation is at school, and what the general challenges are you are dealing with yourself?
I also wonder about networking opportunities with other parents? It would be so helpful for you to have someone to talk to who is in a similar position to yourself. I know there are Meetup groups too in some locations for adults with autism/neurodivergence (you can check the Meetup website for your city/area). I have been to two different ones in the past. That may be of help but I know getting to things can be difficult, though some of them are online now. There is one in Sydney I just saw for parents of neurodivergent children, including parents who are neurodivergent themselves, called "Carers & Parents of Neurodivergent Children".
Take good care and happy to chat further if you want to,
Eagle Ray
