Shyness is ruining my life

[shyguy]

I'm a new member, 45 years of age from WA living in Perth. I have suffered shyness all my life thus causing me to have no friends or relationships. I live alone with only my dog for company. When I was very young I was very sick so I didn't get to make friends that easily, at the age of 14 I was diagnosed with diabetes at a time when no one else had or shared the disease so there was no support especially coming from the country. 5 years ago I had a kidney transplant which was a major change in my life. 

I have always worked however I have not socialized with any my co-workers as the anxiety I feel is too much to bear for the fear I must be a most boring person to them with little to say, I am completely out of my depth.

As I reflect on my life I can see I have wasted my life compared to others of my generation, it now bothers me and I continuously think what it would be like to have a close friend or that special person to give me some joy in life.

The worst disease of all is sadness in life.

shyguy.

[HA1]

Hey Shyguy!

Welcome to the forum; I am really glad that you decided to share your story with us.  

Wow, you words really hit home with me - when younger, I had the same type of desperate feelings of loneliness. So yep, we can share your sadness.  I am not a health professional, but it sounds to me that you may be suffering from slight social anxiety, and perhaps a some depression as a consequence of what you have been through.  You really should go and talk to your GP soon.  However, you have not mentioned whether you have seen a health professional or other therapists about these feelings.  Have you?  If so what did they say?  If not, why not?  

Also, sorry about the diabetes; I assume the kidney transplant was a consequence of the diabetes?  

I'll keep this short this time.  But please get back to us and tell us a bit more about yourself.

Looking forward to receiving your reply.

Take care

K

[BenD]

Hi Shyguy,

I'll echo AOK's comments - I am quite shy as well but sometimes people find it quite endearing (I'm a good listener for example) and over time have worked at overcoming the shyness (which has been a success, to a degree).

I'm sorry to hear about you going through those physical health issues, they're bad enough by themselves, let alone when you're also dealing with mental health issues.

Would be good to hear from you again (esp. regarding your dog! what breed is he/she?)

Take care,

BenD

[geoff]

dear Shyguy, thank you for being brave to decide to post a comment here, and it does resonate with a great deal of people, so you're not on your own.

Being so young to be diagnosed with diabetes must have been a shocking discovery for you and then to have a kidney operation, which begs me to ask if it was a replacement or just a removal, although you have mentioned a transplant.

I do understand that you are shy and that's probably why you haven't replied back to us, but this site is anonymous, we don't know who you are, where you live or what you look like unless you decide to post your picture like a few of us have, so to all of us you are a person who has had to cope with a great deal of trauma over the years, so we would like to help you. Geoff.

[shyguy]

Thankyou for the reply and most of all support.

These few days have been really bad for me 😞 both personally & professionally, I was knocked back on a job interview within my place of work which has really left me very down at the moment.

I gained up enough courage to seek some counseling for next Tuesday although the thought of going is very terrifying so I'm not really sure what to expect as I have never sought such help.

AOK & geoff, I was on dialysis for quite some time (years) which on it's own is life changing and very depressing, I did Hemodialysis at the hospital 3 times a week for approx. 4-5 hours, then also scheduling work around this was extremely difficult although I do have an understanding employer. As you can imagine to go through this I had no social life and most importantly unable to enjoy life or travel. I had a kidney transplant which is now coming up to 5 years in November all caused by diabetes.

BenD I rescued a female border collie (black & white) 4 1/2 yrs old, so she is my only companion.

thanks for reading.

SG

[Jacko777]

Hi SG,

That is terrific that you have OVERCOME FEAR and booked a counselor. Very well done mate, please take some satisfaction from making that difficult action.

Tuesday is a few days off, I don't want you to feel terrified. At last you will have the attention of someone that wants to help you, this is a good thing SG. Now might be a good time to make some new pathways in your mind; instead of heading down the old negative track of the fear of the unknown, forge a new positive track of excitement, hope and love, this appointment is just part of the journey to peace and happiness and you have the opportunity to choose to enjoy the journey. The more times we head down the positive track the easier it becomes, it is always a 'practice'!

In similar situations I have had to remind myself that, I have no idea what will happen, why would I worry and lose energy about something when it might end up being enjoyable/productive, what a waste of my precious energy!! 

Hang in there mate.

[HA1]

Hi SG!

Really glad to see your reply!  Although sorry to hear about the interview outcome.  Yes, any rejection tends to knock me around a fair bit too and it generally takes a little while to process and then move on.  The important thing to remember is to not take it too personally, because job interviews, selection processes and selection of successful candidate is not a reflection of you or your worth.  To cut it short, the best candidate is often not selected for a job, and this can be for a variety of reasons.

Great news to hear that you have arranged to seek counselling - this is indeed a big step for you and everyone else.  (I was 'lucky' - I did not have to take that big step, they came to me.) So well done.  What to expect the first few visits?  Well in my case, it just started of lightly with a general discussion while they are trying to get to understand you and the issues you might be dealing with. An exploration session. Piece of cake.  No need to prepare yourself for it.  Make sure you let us now how it went.

Terrible to hear about the dialysis.  Just to share with you, my father has recently been told that his kidneys are failing after years of diabetes.  Now he is off the diabetes medication and, hence the readings are climbing every day - very worrying.  I also expect him to be on dialysis next week some time.  In this case, I am not sure what to expect.

Nice about the dog.  You know, my old dog has learnt to know when I am about to be hit by a wave of bad feeling.  Keeps staring at me!!  When I am well(ish), dog couldn't care less!

Again, good to hear from you and stay well.

Keep posting!

K

[geoff]

dear SG, I am so pleased that you have kept replying to back to us, but what I want to talk about is your first counselling visit, as I'm sure that you will be quite nervous.

What I suggest is to list is what you want to talk about and give this list to him/her, but as AOK has said it will just be a general discussion to get to know each other, and when you sit in the waiting rooms take something that will keep occupied, maybe a cross word, an interesting book or go through your diary or perhaps play a round of cards on your iphone. Geoff.

[Hopefull_]

Hey there,

One comment, Shyness does not, and I will say it again, does not mean "Boring"

I believe you have a lot to offer, I'm sure you can talk about lots of very interesting topics, you just have to believe in yourself, try not to go inward, by this I mean don't think about how the person is "seeing" you, just listen and attend to them whist they are speaking and they will do the same for you.

You are not boring, maybe you just haven't found like minded people, everyone has something to offer, I know this because I went through exactly the same thing as you, I spent so much time alone because I felt I had to entertain the people I was with, truth is, I found some of them boring to me, but to others they were fun, I guess the point Im trying to make is you will never please everyone, just focus on the people you relate to, maybe you haven't found them yet but they are out there, you are SO not alone ok.

James.