Hello.
this is my first time on these forums although i have been on this site over the years. I hope in posting within the guidelines.
i have a lifetime history of anxiety with occasional depression, which i began to recognise and manage in my early 20s (I'm 30 now). I have found psychology helpful several times, and feel like I have some good tools at my disposal for managing it. One issue I have is that as a child i learned to present very calmly despite extremely anxiety provoking situations, and this is generally a part of who i am as an adult. I think i, and my psychologists (who were very good) have underestimated how severe the anxiety is because of that. You know i guess it's easy to think you've got a handle on it and understand, but really the process of understanding yourself is very tricky. Well myself, i have found.
anyway, my reason for posting, i am in a very bad way at the moment. I had been in a vulnerable place for a year (probably postnatal dep) aware of that, managing it fairly well. Things actually started to improve after i made some key changes to our life to reduce the pressure. Aaaand then a couple of weeks ago i got slammed with just about every trigger for my anxiety that I can think of. (Umm, abusive family issues, injury and subsequent financial issues, to name a few)
i have a very loving husband who would like to help but shies away from emotion, cannot communicate (we've all got our issues huh) and unwittingly makes me feel much worse in his lack of response, if i try to open up to him. I am lucky to have supportive friends but it is almost impossible for me to expose just how vulnerable i am to people i know (my failing).
it is very bad right now, we cant afford the Medicare psych program even, until my injury medical bills are paid. I have 2 children who need me sane and functional but at the moment i am in such an agitated state i can barely keep it together.i feel like one more thing, the slightest thing, and i will crumble.
thankyou for reading, i realise this was long. Any advice, support, appreciated.
